Dec 31, 2007

The Year in Review

January - Mr. Head and I broke up, then got back together, and I turned 28.

February- I found a video I had been searching for since the 80's, I spilled my guts in 20 sentences, and Mr. Head and I broke up for good.

March - I was extremely depressed and lonely and suffering from panic attacks, all the while, still getting out and partying with my wonderful girlfriends and enjoying the early spring.

April - My car was stolen, I landed a new job, and I started starting over.

May - I was getting ready for the arts festival, I was attracted to some younger men, I got an invite to my 10 year class reunion, Hobbsley came back to town, and I was almost done mending my broken heart.

June - Had a brief encounter with Kevin MacDonald, day 90 passed me by, I fell in love with the Dresden Dolls, I spent a night in Wilkie, and I bought a new car, just so I could go on a camping trip.

July- the heat was intense, I saw the Golden Dogs, my cat ran away, our 10th annual Canada Day camping trip was a success, and we were all doing better than Nick Shilloff.

August - my cousin Pat died, I was seeing flying squirrels, we hosted a Dead Celebrity Party at the House of Pain, Folk Fest was a blast, and I realized that not only was summer too short, but so was life, so I might as well enjoy the fuck out of it.

September - I began my 5 on the 2-5, Smyrish officially became my boyfriend, I contemplated my journey to thirty, we all talked about how scary it is to have your period show up late, I went camping in Craven, and the end of summer lazies kicked in.

October - I was happy. Burned out, but really happy. Halloween was a blast, and I also met Madame Diva.

November - We won the Grey Cup, Knuckle Toes turned the legal drinking age, Micha Barton started hangin 'round The Pub, I got to see Modest Mouse, and I felt stuck in the past, thinking of my lost journals, my dad, and old romances.

December
- my boobs grew, as did my waist line, I got my Xmas shopping done earlier than ever, and the whole gang went to Small Town for Xmas.

And that's that. Sure, there was much more that went on, but hey, a re-cap is just that, a re-cap. My memories will just have to fill in the blanks to this roller coaster year.


Dec 26, 2007

Boxing Day


T'was another fine SmallTown Xmas. We ate more than our bodies wanted us to, we drank no more than our seasoned livers could handle, and we even got in some tobogganing and fresh air at The Lake. We played Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit, opened presents, visited the cousins, and took in a "Family Feud" marathon on the television. Smyrish and Film Star even wandered into an old abandoned school, and accidentally got a nice photo of a ghost. And of course, we all got some deadly fucking presents.

Overall, it was a nice little holiday, and it was especially nice to have Knuckle Toes and Smyrish join us.


Next year, I hope that we can get together with AJ and her clan as well, 'cause I missed them terribly, but at least they phoned to sing to us our family Xmas medley.

And now, it's time to finish the laundry, make the leftovers into a stir fry, and get ready to meet the ladies at The Pub for the "ugly xmas sweater party", as they were nice enough to offer to buy this poverty-stricken lassie a pint or two.

Hope y'all had a nice Festivus!


Dec 23, 2007

Xmas Eve in the Drunk Tank

I know it's not Xmas Eve yet, but I may not have a chance to post again. This is my favorite Xmas song, hands down.

Have a good holiday, readers. Cheers!

Dec 22, 2007

Xmas is Coming.

Two more sleeps, and I'll be loading up the car with gifts and family, and heading to Small Town. I am not as anxious/grouchy/depressed as I usually am this time of year, so here's hoping I stay that way.

I am not much of a Christmas person. I hate shopping. Driving in the winter scares the bejeesus outta me. There are always a hundred things to do, and two hundred people to see, all in one week, and I never feel as if I can accomplish all the visiting, eating, driving and whatnot in such a short span of time and without at least three anxiety attacks. My brother GQ and I cannot handle being in the same space for more than 20 minutes, before we want to kill each other. I never seem to have enough money for gifts, gasoline, and nights out with out of town visitors, nevermind New Year's. I have the amazing ability to gain at least 15 pounds in two days, leaving me without pants for the new year.

Some people can't wait for Boxing Day, myself, I pray that January 2nd will show up faster than a lightening bolt.

It's not all bad though. I really do like seeing people that I don't get to see as often as I'd like. I get to see my family and old friends, most of whom, I only see this one time in any given year. Good food abounds, and the beer flows like wine. I am sure that this years road-trip and family gathering will be a hoot, and when it's all over and done with, I get to go out dancing on Boxing Day, to burn off some steam.

Have a Merry Festivus everyone!

Dec 19, 2007

Bodacious


The uber-fabulous Madame Diva awarded me with the "Bodacious Blog" award. I must say, I am truly humbled.

Bodacious is defined as, according to dictionary.com:


1. thorough; blatant; unmistakable: a bodacious gossip.
2. remarkable; outstanding: a bodacious story.
3. audacious; bold or brazen.


Here's what she had to say about me, and why I deserved this wonderful award:

"When I think of Brazen, I think of this lady...who not only goes braless in the summer, but bottomless too!!"

Isn't that sweet?

Dec 18, 2007

I Heart These Internets.

I spent a bit too much time on the Interweb today, but I did find a few interesting things. If you are like me, and have nothing to do tonight except whine about how sore your ears and head are and watch really, truly bad television for hours on end, take a break for a few minutes, and check out my blog crushes for the day.

Bob Lefsetz wrote a wonderful, heart-wrenching post about the death of Dan Fogelburg, and how his songs make him reminisce about his own life.

The Nervous Axon, got me thinking about my music collection, and what it means to me.

Miss.Nicola, has me thinking about getting my colon cleansed of the twenty pounds of compacted shit it is no doubt harbouring. If Jack Osbourne can do it, why can't I?

As well as perusing blogs, I also perused some Etsy shops, which in the end, just made me act like a big pissy pants, because I can't have my own shop too. The only one I'm going to plug here however, is my friend B-Rock, who has some amazing prints for sale over at brockphotography.
Come on, go buy some!

Well that's all folks, I'm leaving the 'puter for the night. The sex toys will be being delivered soon-ish, and hopefully, I'll be too busy to be playing around here.

Meme, Meme, Meme

I can't even remember who tagged me for this. I have a list of meme's I have been tagged for, to bring out on days such as this, when I can't come up with much to say, but I feel like writing, and DejaView is doing a better job of holding my attention that the InterWeb. I am positive that I have done one of these before, but hey, I have a ton of strange things to tell y'all about myself. The list could go on and on for eternity.

The Rules Of The Meme:
  • Each player makes a list of eight random facts/habits about themselves.
  • At the end of your list, choose eight people to to tag and list their names.
  • Leave them a comment on each of their websites to let them know that they have been tagged.
  • The people tagged will write a post on their own website about their eight things, post these rules, and tag eight others.

  • 1. I was a tad disappointed this past summer, when not one of my sunburns peeled. I love spending an evening tearing my skin off my shoulders and back until there's a nasty kink in my neck.

    2. When people talk about their stocks, mutual funds, computers or technology, I usually only hear the teacher's voice from Charlie Brown. Whaw, whaw, whaw, whaawww.

    3. I rarely wear underwear when the temperature is above +25 degrees Celsius. My butt sweats too much. On days when it seems semi-appropriate, I leave the bra off too. I hate having sweaty boobs. Actually, I am just all around, one very sweaty person.

    4. Even in the winter, I like to sleep with my window open.

    5. When I was a kid, I used to have a recurring dream that the stairs in the house were all falling apart, and I was stuck on the landing, between two enormous, human-like strawberries. They scared me, but they kept me from falling into the abyss that was the main floor hallway.

    6. I can only be crafty and creative when the mood strikes me. If I don't do anything right then and there, the creativity leaves me, and I won't be able to do anything. I have to be prepared, because at any given moment, I may just have to drop everything, to sew, write, what have you.

    7. Answering machines make me nervous. I either ramble on, wishing I would have written a script, or the message is quick and short, and doesn't explain anything properly. At least I am not like GQ, who leaves 20 minute long messages, that consist of many "Hmmmm's" and "Hawws" and smokers coughs.

    8. I am positive I only passed grade eleven chemistry, because I promised the teacher that I would never take a science class again, if he would just give me 50%. I am also positive I only passed grade 12 biology (in grade eleven), because my godfather was the teacher, and he was doing me and my family a favor, by getting me one credit closer to moving out of the house.

    Note: I will not tag today. If you would like to play along, please do so, but I won't force you.


    Dec 13, 2007

    Me and my Breasts

    My boobs grew again. Seriously, I finally had a nice collection of proper fitting bra's, and now, all of them are too tight, and if I don't stuff myself into place properly, I end up with the much sought after "four boob" look, which is oh so (not) sexy. It's like my body doesn't know that I am almost thirty, and puberty was over long ago. They just keep bumping up a cup size every year. You would think, that if my tits thought that they were teenagers, they would be all perky and whatnot too, but nope, gravity is winning that battle.

    I know that to all you flat-chested people out there, I must sound like one of those skinny girls that goes on and on about how fat they are. But believe me, some days I think that I'd sell my soul to have some perky 34 B's.

    My breasts and I have always had a bit of a love/hate relationship. When I didn't have them, I wished I did, because I so wanted to grow up, and look more like a woman than a little boy. But then, all of a sudden, I got my wish, and all those dreams of looking like a woman went away in a flash.

    I'll never forget the day that my mom took me into the bathroom and measured my chest, because it was time to get a bra. When the bra arrived, I tried it on, and stared at myself in the mirror for hours. I felt like I had been chained up in a dungeon against my will. My mom and I had many arguments over my not wanting to wear the damn thing. In the end, she usually won out, because I knew she was right, but it was just so embarrassing. All the girls at school my age, who wore bras were taunted by the boys daily. Getting my bra straps snapped, and having crude comments thrown my way, was not something I wanted to endure on a daily basis.

    When I was 14, all the boys in my class started to notice how big I was getting, and mocked me incessantly. A teacher took them all aside, and gave them royal hell about it, and they stopped. That was, until, they realized they could tease me about my big "arms", and have no one notice that it was code word for "boobs". To this day, there are text books in my old school that have "Abigail has big arms!" written in them. (Of course, this gave me a complex about my fat arms, that I still deal with to this day.)

    Eventually, I accepted the fact that I was going to have huge knockers, and found out that they could be used to my advantage in more ways than one. Showing off a little cleavage could be fun, and attention could be nice.

    A few years ago, I made the decision to get them reduced. They are not the biggest melons ever, but they're too big for me. I figured, once I had decided if I was going to have kids or not, and had those kids, I was heading to the doctor to get the process moving. Having my boobs grow again, has reinforced that decision, even though the thought of surgery, or losing a nipple, scares the crap out of me. I just don't want to be 60 years old, with my girls bigger than my head, draggin' on the floor. Believe me, that's where I'm headed. I am destined to be an old Ukrainian baba, inside and out. Not that I mind all that much, but what can I say, old baba boobs just aren't on my wish list.

    Now, I dream of a day when I can go bra-shopping without breaking the bank, having the option to buy "sexy" over "functional", or having to figure out how to get the unnecessary padding out of the real pretty bras that I would love to wear.

    Dec 12, 2007

    7 Good Things About Today.

    For reasons I cannot talk about here, due to my confidentiality agreement at work, my day did not start out all that well. Let's just say that I can drive under intense pressure, without spilling a drop of my gas station coffee. By the time I got home, I was exhausted, and retired to the couch to watch "What Not to Wear". I vowed to never leave the couch until Friday when I went back to work. But, I perked up, and my day got better.

    A nice hot shower and clean clothes helped me feel a bit more alert, and less like a smelly hobo.

    Grocery shopping with Smyrish, is always an adventure.

    I cooked a pot roast for supper, along with green bean casserole, stuffing, steamed carrots, wild rice, and of course, gravy.

    I had a bubble bath, and a glass of wine or three.

    I got my CSI fix for the day. Two hours of Grissom, always makes me happy and scrappy.

    Smyrish and I sat together and wrote Xmas cards to our friends and family, while having a schnick, of course. Some of my Xmas cards, are a little bit silly thanks to the wine. I hope those who receive them, can appreciate my I'm-a-little-bit-tipsy Xmas humour.

    Mr. Head and I had a nice chat over the Interweb.

    And now, I am having a beer, watching "Family Business", and perusing my friends Etsy shops. (One day, I will actually purchase.)

    For a day that started out so craptastically, it sure did turn out pretty swell. Now if only Aunt Flo would move along, life would be grand.



    (PMS apology card available at www.knuckletoes.etsy.com)


    Dec 7, 2007

    Bah Hum-Bitch

    Myself, and those around me, survived a day of Xmas shopping at the mall, and at Walmart. How my friends put up with me, I'll never know, but I am grateful.

    It was a long day. I woke up way too early to take a trip to the optometrist, who basically told me I am going blind, and I should have gone to see him three years ago. He did impress me though, by remembering where I worked and that I grew up in a train station, like the one in the picture he has hanging on the wall in the waiting room. I went home, and passed back out in bed in my clothes, and slept in for my Xmas shopping date.

    I loathe the mall. All malls. Each and every one of them. Especially at Xmas. Most employees come off as fake and creepy, and my fellow shoppers give me the heebie jeebies with their perfect hair and clothes and their Christmas cheer. I am unable to actually look for clothes in the mall, because I am not a size 4, or a size double zero. Looking at all the cute clothes that I will never fit in, usually drives me to tears. But today, the promise of food court sukiyaki beef for lunch kept me going through the morning without too many instances of wanting to burst into tears. I actually got a few items crossed off my list, and all of the wandering about, helped me think of things I need to purchase outside of the mall on another day. Once our bellies were full of food court goodness, it was off to Walmart. I found a wonderful sewing machine that I will purchase myself after I figure out how to pay for new glasses and a winter coat first. Of course, we hit the liquor store on the way home, as it was wine o'clock.

    I am going to spend my Friday evening getting the House of Pain in order for the girls night I am hosting tomorrow, followed by a glass of wine in a candlelight bath, and popcorn for a late supper.

    Have a good weekend everyone!

    Dec 5, 2007

    She's Crafty, or So Say the Beastie Boys.

    Entering Neil's Blogger Arts and Crafts Fair last week got me into the crafting mood. I've been busy the last week or so, making bags, figuring out how to use my friggin' buttonholer, and busting needles on the sewing machine.

    This brown and white number, is a Xmas present for a friend, all it is missing is a Sex Pistols patch, that will be sewn on the pocket under the flap. (not shown) The material is so thick, I broke about 5 needles getting it together, so when I finally finished it last night, I actually hugged it. Smyrish, watching my odd behavior, asked if he could hug it too.

    The blue plaid bag is mine, all mine. I thought I had used up all of this material this summer, when I sold all the bags I had made with it at the folk festival. I was really happy when I found some more in a garbage bag in my bedroom. I decided I was making one for me, because I'm a good girl, and I deserved it.


    These two bags, were made from some old sheets that were donated to me for material. They are basically the same, with the exception of the handle, and the front pocket. They are a little too girly looking for me, but they have been hanging in my living room for a few days now, and have been complimented, so I'm going to keep them around for the festivals next year, unless I can sell them before then.


    And on that note, I have to get back to cutting out squares for a corduroy patchwork bag I've been working on, and figure out how I am going to get my contracted work embroidered before Xmas.

    Dec 3, 2007

    Horoscope of Today.

    You're all fired up over some issue that is much more meaningful to you than it is to almost anyone else. That's no reason not to fight your hardest for it -- but it may be tougher to get the kind of support you want.

    The first sentence kicked my ass. It's so true.

    Dream Land

    All night I had the craziest dreams. It was like my brain was off in Opposite Land, where people who are jerks were super nice to me, the dead were alive and vice versa, and things that usually scare me were making me happy and excited. It was eight hours of living in Abigail's Parallel Universe, and by the time I awoke, I was glad that I didn't have to live there.

    All the strange dreams, although I don't really remember them now, kind of set me off-kilter though. Especially the dream where I was 30 pounds lighter, and was wearing the most amazing brown suede boots and red jacket. I'm heading out for the day, and that outfit would have been perfect for traipsing about town.

    That dream reminded me of a dream I had about 15 years ago. I had dreamt about wearing these funky blue clogs to a party, and the next morning I was looking for them in my closet, so I could wear them to school. It took me about thirty minutes before I realized that I didn't own those shoes, and I would just have to wear my regular old runners. It was a disappointing day.

    And on that note, I better be getting dressed and ready to go and face my day. I think I'm in for a doozy.

    Nov 30, 2007

    G'Bye NaBloPoMo, Sorry I Didn't Treat You Better.

    Well, I thought I was gonna rock this thing, but near the end, I just didn't have the time. What can I say? I work til midnight, and I have a life. But, I did post twice on a couple of days this month, so that should count for the two days I missed. Right? :)

    It's been quite a month. We won the Grey Cup, Knuckle Toes became legal to drink with us, the Palinode finally got his back surgery, I started seeing Micha Barton every time I went drinking, the cold, blustery prairie winter arrived for it's annual visit, and I was lucky enough to see one of my most favorite bands, Modest Mouse. There were also many days this month, where my annual winter depression kicked my ass. I felt lonely, missed my dad, and started to feel as if life was just passing by much to quickly for my liking. Ah, the joys of seasonal depression.

    With December upon us, I feel like if I can just keep myself on the right track and go with the flow throughout the roller coaster ride that is Xmas and New Year's, spring will be here lickedy split, and all will be well in my universe.

    December is beginning with B-Rock's First Annual 29th Birthday Shitfest, and will end with "It's only 25 days 'til Abigail's First Annual 29th Birthday Shitfest" once the clock strikes twelve on New Years Eve.

    I hate you December, but I'll make it through, just like I do every year. Of course, the booze helps.

    Nov 28, 2007

    Needing a Nap.

    I blew it. I did not rock this thing. Close, but no cigar. I just couldn't keep up with the NaBloPoMo. Well, I could have, but life got in the way. I sat down to write an entry last night, but the only thing I could come up with was,"Made supper for the whole family. So tired. So full. G'night." Even that was a bit too much for me. I chose to just not blog at all, and hit the hay, since I had to be up early to take my mom to the bus station. I think I made the right decision. Laying in bed next to Smyrish, is always better than staring at this here computer screen.

    Yesterday was nice though. Mom had to come in for a doctor's appointment, and was spending the night, so I invited the whole brood, GQ, his Hot Italian Girlfriend, her little guy, Juke Box Hero, Knuckle Toes, and of course Smyrish over for a family supper. We ate and ate and ate, drank many beers, and had a nice visit. It was nice to cook for everyone, instead of our usual "Are we ordering pizza or Chinese?" supper that we usually have when mom comes to town.

    I think I'm still full, which could be one reason why I am so darn tired today. If I didn't have to go to work, I think I would just put on my pj's and crawl back into bed and watch trashy television for the next 12 hours.

    Nov 26, 2007

    5 on the 25.

    Just a wee bit late....... :)

    1. I hope that when you come back, you don't go back to your old habits. You're better than that.

    2. We live in the same city, yet I hadn't seen you in years, until last week. I'm sorry that I didn't have much to say to you.

    3. Why doesn't anybody like you? Because you're an asshole, that's why.

    4. Your intelligence and the way you look people in the eye when you talk to them, used to intimidate me. Now I know, that you're just a goofy hippie.

    5. It seems that you have disappeared off the face of the earth. But, I'm sure one of these days you'll show up at my doorstep, hyper and crazy-eyed, needing a place to stay, so I'm not too worried.

    Nov 25, 2007

    Grey Cup! Woot!

    In one hour, I'll be down at The Pub fighting for a seat, so I can sit and watch the 'Riders kick some 'Bomber ass with my friends. Thus, instead of an entry, I am sharing a forward that I got from six different people this weekend. Enjoy!

    Twas The Night Before Grey Cup

    Twas the night before Grey Cup, and all through the
    Dome,
    Not a creature was stirring, but the gophers back
    home.
    The players were nestled and snug in their beds,
    While visions of Grey Cup Rings danced in their heads.

    When out on the field, there arose such a clatter,
    Kent sprang from his bed to see what was the matter,
    Away to his window, he flew like a flash,
    Threw aside the Green Curtains, and Silky White Sash.

    And what did he see with his wondering eye?
    But a sea of Green Revelers and a furry brown guy.
    “That looks like Dominguez, and Flick and Fantuz!”
    “Its way after curfew! Do they want us to lose??”

    So, out of his room and down to the field,
    Coach Austin stormed out with a fury to wield.
    As he went through the tunnel, the ground shook with a
    beat,
    From the dancing and prancing of ten thousand feet.

    “Hey Coach,” cried a voice, “Whatcha doing down here?”
    It was Szarka and Schultz, and they were handing out
    beer!
    Chucky and Chick were grilling up Dogs,
    With Burgers being served by O’Day and the Hogs.

    Crandall cooked Hot Wings, Joseph grilled steak,
    While Cates, Holmes, and Hughes helped Makowsky serve
    cake.
    “This is nuts!” Austin shouted, “It’s one-thirty AM!”
    “I expected some revelry, but this is mayhem!”

    Eric Tillman tapped Austin, “ You’re not Eagle Keys -”
    “But I’m not Berry, or Gotta, or Gregory * so PLEASE!”
    “You’re all waddling around here like Wascana geese!”
    “And in need of a dance coach like Donald Narcisse.”

    “Now, you’ve all had your fun, so back to your rooms.”
    But then Austin’s nose picked up the barbecue fumes.
    Then Green Is The Color rang out through the air,
    As Congi and Boreham played Banjos with flair.


    On Davis, on Johnson, on Coach Ritchie Hall,
    Even old Alex Smith flashed a smile after all,
    On Lloyd, on McCullough, on Hunt and on Perry,
    On Kornegay, Frazier, and yes, even Kerry.

    The skydome then filled with a soft greenish glow,
    And the whole Rider Nation set poised for a show.
    An S and a wheat sheaf then formed in the air,
    And a smile took the place of Coach Kent Austin’s
    glare.

    Then everyone there, the players, the fans,
    They formed a big circle by all holding hands,
    Then right in the centre appeared the Grey Cup,
    Which Fairholm and Ridway and Elgaard picked up.

    They handed it over to Ritchie and Kent,
    Who called Kerry and Eddie, and off the Cup went.
    It was passed round the field, past heroes to present,
    While Gainer dug holes for the Blue Bomber Pheasants.

    That music was heard coast to coast people say
    And they say Rider Pride grew three sizes that day.
    Everyone left there dreaming of Blue Bomber doom.
    And they sent all the Banjos to Troy Westwood’s Room.


    Nov 24, 2007

    Sunshine and Rainbows

    Boy did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. The second I opened my eyes I was grouchy, even though I slept in past noon. That usually makes me happy on a wintery Saturday. The moment I woke up, I just thought to myself "Here we go, another Saturday of coffee and house cleaning." I was less than excited about that thought. As far as I know, I am not a 50 year old housewife who has to spend her weekends cleaning up after her bratty kids. But I sure feel as if I act the part some days.

    "Brunch will make me feel better"
    , I thought to myself. I then realized the oven wasn't working, and couldn't bake up the tater tots I was craving to go with my bacon and tomato sandwiches. The deep fryer, although I hate it, is another way to cook them, but it was out of oil. Brunch, was a bust. My sandwich was yummy, but I was still hungry.

    Then I spilled coffee, got salt in my eye, dropped everything I tried to pick up, and stepped on some invisible sharp object in my bedroom. So, I started cleaning and doing laundry to take my mind off my troubles.

    It's just been one of those days.

    It is now three o'clock, and I'm starting to feel a bit better. I'm going to shower, and I may even get out of the house for a couple hours and do some shopping or something. I can always finish cleaning on Monday morning before my mommy comes to visit.

    At least tomorrow is Grey Cup, and I get off work early, so I will be able to join The City in cheering on our Riders, and getting retardedly drunk.



    hahah

    I am Abigail I heart blogging

    Nov 23, 2007

    Nirvana

    Blah. I worked for 13 hours today, so all you get is a video. This song has been in my head all day. I am pretty okay with that though, because yesterday all that was running through my head was that damn circus song.




    Happy Friday everyone. I'm going to drink wine, and then go to bed.


    Nov 22, 2007

    Babysitting.


    My little brother the Juke Box Hero, aka FilmStar, posted this photo of him and my dad on Facebook today in our family group. It is one of my most favorite family photos in our vast collection.

    What is really weird though, is that I actually remember this day. It was so long ago, I feel like I shouldn't be able to remember that many years back. I have trouble remembering what I did last week!

    It's the same feeling I get when someone asks how long I've known a friend for and I can honestly say I've known them for over twenty years. It doesn't feel like it should be possible.

    Sheesh, I'm not a spring chicken anymore, am I?

    Nov 21, 2007

    Andy Capp


    Hehe. I heart Andy Capp. Really, I do. I've been reading that silly ol' drunken bastard since I was just a wee lassie. I became hooked one summer when we were staying at the cabin, and it had been raining for what felt like a bazillion years. I had already read all my Archie comics, all the National Geographics and all the old classic novels on the shelf that were of interest to me at that young age. As I sifted through the mound of comics once again, I came across Mr. Andy Capp. Of course, I didn't truly understand the jokes and the arguments, but they were silly, and made me think of the adults around me at the time.

    These days, I read Andy Capp online, and sadly, I relate a little too much at times. However, he's always good for a chuckle, and today, he helped to motivate me to do some work today, so I won't feel guilty about imbibing in "Import Night" later this evening at my own pub.

    Nov 20, 2007

    Suspicious Minds

    The lovely Schmutzie has tagged moi in a meme, of which I am eternally grateful, as I really didn't know what to write about today. Shit, I hardly even have anything to say today at all.

    The Rules:
  • Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do. Even the number 0 works. This is the first meme that can be done without even doing it. In fact, you're doing it right now.
  • Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
  • Link back to the person who tagged you. Or not.
  • Tag however many people you want to tag. You can skip this step.
  • If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged. This step is also completely optional.
  • Feel fantastic.

  • 1. Super pretty girls that I don't know speaking to me in public washrooms. Seriously. When I look good, they don't talk to me, but if I'm all sweaty and drunk, and they look all perfect and put together, they can't wait to be my new best friend. It freaks me out.

    2. Young men who try to get my attention at the bar, specifically when I am dancing. I'm not sure which is creepier, the ones who come up and want to have a conversation, or the ones who just join in and dance with me. You can see that I'm busy shaking my badonkadonk, can't you? I realize that most girls like this sort of thing, but dancing to me is serious business. Come chat me up when I'm smoking and my drink is empty. Once you buy me a drink, I'll tell you all about my wonderful boyfriend.

    3. Salespeople in clothing stores. When I'm wandering about your store aimlessly, it just means that I am browsing. When you come up to me to ask if I need any of your assistance, it gives me the feeling that you think I am a shoplifter, or that you are wondering why someone my size is even bothering to look for clothes in your store.

    4. People who don't like The Beatles. I get thrown off my rocker every time I meet one of these folks. C'mon now, who doesn't uncontrollably bop their head or sing along when a Beatles tune comes on the radio?

    5. Normal people. You know the ones. They live in a beige house in Suburbia, they're happily married, their kids never have battles royale, they have white furniture, and are always dressed and groomed to perfection, even at the gym. These people scare me, and I have to wonder what's wrong with them. Do they have addictions to pain killers? Is their straight 'A' basketball star of a child a fledgling serial killer? Are they axe murderers? Who knows. All I know is, bring on the crazies who talk to themselves and call me names like "Yellow Jap Whore", and tell me they hope I step in "faggot dog shit". At least they're never dull, and I feel like I at least connect with them a wee bit.

    6. Parents who think they can "cure" their handicapped child of their disability. This could be a long one, so I'll leave it at that. If you'd like clarification, please ask.

    7. Computers.

    8. Celebrities that vouch for products, companies, politicians, anything. How much are you being paid to endorse that acne cream or weight loss product? To be clear, just because you use it, doesn't mean I want to or need to. Piss off.

    9. You are inside. You are wearing sunglasses. I have to wonder if you are staring at my breasts, or just sitting there sleeping, and ignoring me completely.

    10. People that seem relatively social when necessary, but appear to have no friends. I am not their friend, the people around me are not their friends, but still they sit there and attempt to socialize with you. Sometimes, it feels that they don't even want to be talking to you, they perhaps feel forced to do so. They never have stories about what they did on the weekend, how work was, they just sit and stare at you and nod along to your stories. These people always have awkward laughs as well, and a smile almost cracks their face. I have only met a couple people like this in my life, and when I think of them, a little chill runs down my spine.

    Tag, You're It!

    Knuckle Toes

    Nutcase 101

    Wench

    Madame Diva

    Saviabella


    Group Photo

    During our photo shoot at Knuckle Toes' birthday party last Friday, I commented that it was a good thing that all of our friends weren't there that night, because we wouldn't all have fit on the stage, or in the picture. We all started naming off the people that were missing, and I calculated in my head just how many folks we hang out with on a regular basis, as well as the friends who we don't get to see as often as we'd like, but do join us on big nights out, or whenever they can.

    There are twenty people in Wench's photo, and I know that there are a couple party-goers that are missing from it. They were probably smoking or urinating at picture time.

    I decided to sit down, and make a list of all the people, mostly pub regulars, that I would invite to something BIG for myself, say a wedding, or my funeral or maybe my big 3-0. If all of those people showed up, and we took a group photo again, there would be 39 people. This does not include anyone from out of town, or people whom I only visit with outside The Pub, or any family members other than my brothers, who are also pub regulars, or any guests that these 39 people may bring along with them to my imaginary party.

    Thirty-nine people. And I could very well be forgetting someone.

    Now, I ask myself, how in the world can I, at least once a week, complain that I am lonely? Seems so silly all of a sudden, doesn't it?

    Nov 19, 2007

    If I had $100,000

    Typical Quirk sent me this link this morning. It is common knowledge that a shitload of money has been blown on Iraq and Afghanistan, but I enjoyed the alternate ways they came up with for the U.S. government to spend a trillion dollars. Now, if only I could get them to give me some. Shit, I don't even want a trillion dollars...I'd be happy with like $100, 000.

    With $100, 000:

    I could pay off the rest of my student loan : $3,500

    I could pay off my car: $17, 000

    I would pay my mom back a smidgen of what I owe her, let's say: $10, 000, which includes debts, and some thrown in for emotional damages.

    Take my immediate family and our significant others to Cozumel for 10 days: $13, 987

    Pay for Smyrish and I to fly to Thailand and back ( 2 month stay): $3, 882

    So far, the total is: $48, 369.

    Which leaves me: $51, 631 to put into savings or something, or just piss around with. I'd have no debts, and would be able to satisfy this travel bug that's been itching me.

    Now, I have just got to figure out a way to get that money from Big Brother, and I'm set!

    Nov 18, 2007

    Weekend Wrap-Up

    It sure is nice to finish off a busy weekend with a little nooky, a big bowl of popcorn in bed, a cup of tea, and a couple hours of trashy shows on MuchMoreMusic.

    Knuckle Toes birthday was a blast on Friday. It was nice to see everyone all dressed up. We drank, we laughed, we drank some more, until we were all tuckered out.

    On Saturday, I got sent home from work, as they were afraid I was contagious, and slept the day away. I dragged my butt out to The Pub that evening anyways, to visit with some friends from Small Town. Plus, I figured if the Palinode could make it out with his walker, I could make it out with a sore tummy. Ended up being a very late night, but was good times all around.

    I was allowed to sleep in this morning, and only work a half-day again, which was heavenly.

    I get the next three days off, for some unknown reason, and have promised myself to get all the things on my to-do list completed, even if it kills me. It's not like I have any money to go out and procrastinate anyways, so I figure it is the perfect opportunity.

    Maybe I'll even come up with something to blog about. Unless of course, my wonderful readers have any ideas??? If so, let me know!

    Nov 17, 2007

    I am Sick. But Don't Pity Me.

    My body is giving out on me. It's telling me that I should stay home and rest, even though I left work early, and slept all afternoon.

    But my brain is telling me that there are out-of-towners at The Pub that came for a visit, and I should get out, if only for a couple hours. I really do want to see them.

    But then, my body says that it is tired, and threatens to make me vomit in public.

    And the immature side of me says, "Ah, fuck it, I can handle it."

    So, I get dressed, eat a sandwich, and just pray that I don't crap myself while in public.

    Watch out world, I'm bringing you germs!

    Nov 15, 2007

    Thinking of the Palinode and Das Schmutz

    Not much to say today. Can't think of much else except The Palinode's back surgery. Here's hoping all goes well, and he's back in tip-top shape and upright again in two shakes of a lambs tail.



    Nov 14, 2007

    At Least the Hospital Has a Robin's Donuts.

    Ever since I shattered my leg a few Valentine's Day's back, I have found myself spending quite a bit of time at the hospital down the street. I had never even really been that sick before that, never mind in need of a surgeon or specialist, and really didn't have any complaints about our health care system. Other than a few days wasted sitting in the medi-clinic just to be told to get some sleep and take amoxicillon, I didn't have anything to complain about.

    Then, I broke my leg. Something that happens all the time to people, nothing out of the ordinary. I was rushed to the hospital via ambulance. It was the EMT's first day, and he was nervous, and couldn't get the IV in to shoot me up with morphine. All I could think was, "Fuck, just let me do it", and cry a little. I kept myself occupied by telling my co-worker Steve, who was in the ambulance with me, how to get ahold of my brothers to meet me at the hospital.

    I broke my leg good. I never saw it, but Steve and GQ told me that it looked like it had been put on backwards. While they nurses straightened it out to get a splint put on, three or four of my boys had to hold me down on the bed.

    They finally got me settled in a room in the orthopaedic ward. I was in so much pain that I couldn't even lift myself to pee in the bedpan without screaming. Luckily, I wasn't allowed to eat or drink before my surgery, so I didn't have to pee all that often.

    I thought I'd be in to surgery right away. The surgeon had come to my bedside within an hour or so, and got all my info, and told me what bionics would have to be put in. Boy was I wrong. I was in a morphine haze, so I am unsure of exactly how long I had to wait to get taken to surgery, but it was definitely not right away.

    On my second night in the hospital, I was woken by a nurse at 3am, and told I was being moved to a new room, because there had been a car accident, and someone else needed my room more than me. I muttered something or other to her, and fell back asleep.

    The next morning, I woke up, and looked at my surroundings. I was in the storage room. Surrounded by extra scrubs and wheelchairs, and other such hospital equipment. A janitor walked in, and was startled by my presence. He asked if I had been attended to, or if I had eaten. I told him nobody had come to see me, and that I didn't even know what floor I was on. He went and found a very sweet Jamaican care aide, and she checked in on me every few minutes for the rest of my stay. She said there was no record of me being moved, and told me I was lucky he came to find her, otherwise I probably would have been lost forever. She went and got me some food and water. When I left that hospital a few days later, I vowed never to come back. I hated that place with all my heart.

    Last year, with the insistence of Mr. Head, I finally went to see my specialist again. The pins in my ankle, and the screws in my shin were killing me, and I wanted them out. He got me in relatively quick, ( a few weeks wait), and it was just going to be a day surgery. I handled it as well as I can handle anything medical, which is not that well, but I was happy that this whole thing would be behind me. I was lucky to have someone to help me get better, and make me take my meds, and in a few weeks, I was as good as new.

    Except for the fact that my surgeon FORGOT to take out the top screw of the plate. If it wasn't for the X-Ray tech, I never would have even known it was there. I could feel something, but I figured I was just healing, and never thought much of it. When I questioned Mr. Specialist about this, he said that he didn't feel like it was necessary to open my leg up that high to take it out, which was bullshit, because I have a scar to prove that he did have it opened up in that spot......but I digress. My family doctor told me that I am just going to have to live with it, because unless it started to abscess or make me less ambulatory in some way, they were not ever going to take it out.

    I got over it. My leg is feeling good. Other than some swelling when it's really hot out, and an out-of-place hip from overcompensating for too long on one leg, I don't really have any problems.

    I was lucky. I got most of what I was supposed to get, when it came to "free" health care. I realized this today, when I found out that the Palinode, who has been in pain for a year, didn't get his scheduled surgery yesterday, heard that Wench is still waiting to even see an orthopaedic surgeon about her crappy knees, and when I thought of the hundreds of hours I have spent sitting with sick friends and family in the emergency room to get almost no help at all.......well, maybe I don't feel lucky. It just pisses me off.

    Nov 13, 2007

    First Big Storm

    You know you're from Saskatchewan when you leave the house in capri pants, ballet flats, and a sweater, and a few hours later, you're wishing you had a parka and boots on.

    Thank goodness for my Safeway Club card. If it wasn't for that, I never would have been able to scrape all the ice and snow off my car windows when it was time to drive home after work.

    Nov 12, 2007

    Why do I adore Smyrish, you ask?........

    Well, among other things, he has a sweet, sweet ass, he's energetic and smart and goofy, plays Scrabble with me, makes coffee in the morning when he is awake before I am, and puts lotion on my back when I am itchy.

    Today, I adore him even more, because after a really craptastic day at work, I came home and shuffled into a ...... clean bedroom. I don't know where all the crap went that was there beside the bed, and I don't even care.

    I'm totally going to make out with him when he gets home.

    Nov 11, 2007

    Celeb Sighting


    Not only was Micha Barton wearing the most hideous pants I've ever seen, but because of her, The Pub was as packed as it has ever been. I couldn't even get out to get air near the end of the night, for fear that I wouldn't be able to get back in.

    Her leopard print pants made me laugh, right at her, and then a few minutes later, I saw her outside having a smoke, and realized who it was. I got scared for a minute. I don't think I've ever really gotten over you popping out from under that bed in The Sixth Sense.

    Sorry Micha, I shouldn't have laughed at you, that wasn't nice. But seriously, did you just see the hookers in the neighborhood, and think "Oh, so this is how prairie people dress!". Maybe you were just trying to fit in.

    If it makes you feel any better, I made fun of Judd Nelson too, when he was in town.

    Anyways, hope you are enjoying our little city. Now, go back to Hollywood and tell them how awesome we are.

    Nov 10, 2007

    Just a Thought

    I went shopping today to find a winter coat, and something snazzy to wear to the bar tonight. I couldn't find a coat I liked, so I ended up getting a 4 dollar dress that will be appropriate come July, and a sweater. So, no coat, and no sexy winter outfit.

    I sat around for a few minutes, feeling pissy because I didn't have anything eye-catching, that fit me, to wear. Having nothing sexy to dance in, made me feel like a big piece of poop. Those change room mirrors pushed my self-esteem down about 10 notches today.

    Then I realized, I didn't really feel like dancing tonight anyways, and I have a boyfriend, so there is no need to get all whored up anymore to go out on the town. I can just be comfortable. Not that I don't like showing off the girls once in a while. ;)

    So, I'm going to wear my new sweater. And if I end up dancing, I'll just have to deal with the over-heating that will no doubt happen.

    At least I'm getting out of the house, for something other than to go to work!

    Nov 9, 2007

    (Drunk) Hopeless Romantic, Continued.

    Okay, so I watched Reality Bites, instead of Breakfast at Tiffany's. But it was on the TV, and I don't know how to hook up my DVD player. The boy was going to, before he went out, but then he didn't go, and it didn't get done.

    It was like the TV knew that I needed to watch that movie tonight, that I needed my Generation-X-I-wish-I-had- a-Troy-Dire, fix. That movie is like a drug to me.

    It was a good night. Two hour candle-lit bath, with wine and cigarette, followed by a quick supper with Smyrish,followed by Reality Bites, followed by a few minutes of Taxi Driver, followed by me almost winning a million bucks on Don't Forget The Lyrics, if only the contestant had some balls to sing the last song.

    And here I am. I got called into work for tomorrow morning (my day off!), I'm half-cut and I haven't left my bed, and still, all I can think about is how lucky those ladies in the old movies are.

    I should go to bed, but I don't want to sleep, yet.


    (Most romantic song ever.)


    Hopeless Romantic

    I don't know how many times in my life I have been told that I watch too many old movies, when the conversation turns to relationships and romance. Probably a thousand. Funny how it is always a male friend who makes that comment.

    I was told that the other day as well, whilst sitting at The Pub with friends, when I piped up and said there was nothing wrong with someone expecting romance and passion and drama in their love life. It didn't make them illogical, or flaky, that's the way it should be, or so I think.

    I sometimes wonder though, if maybe, as people get older, and want to settle down, they maybe don't think of those things. Maybe passion and drama and big, big love get pushed to the side. They want to find someone they can tolerate, and who can tolerate them. You need to decide if you want kids, and how you will raise them together. There are bills to pay, and mouths to feed, and Grey's Anatomy is on at 8pm.

    True romance is hard. It means there are going to be bumps in the road, arguments and tears, but you crawl over those bumps, because you know that kisses and hugs and adventure and laughter and hot make-up sex, are on the other side.

    And on that note, I think I'm going to pour a glass of wine, light some candles, and have a bath, followed by a night of watching Breakfast at Tiffany's and Dirty Dancing. Because sometimes, you've had a long day, and you just need to romance yourself. ;)

    Nov 8, 2007

    Weather and Weight

    The second skiff of snow hit last night, and it's still here. It does look nice outside though. The sun is shining, and I have my bedroom window open, and it smells like melting.

    I feel like I should be out doing something. Get some fresh air. But, I have cramps, and I have a bunch of sewing to finish before I go to work, and I know that I'll get to go for a walk once I get to the group home.

    I want to live in my yoga pants. Which this week, is working out for me, because I've really had nothing to do, and I have to exercise at work every night, and yoga pants fit into that nicely.

    I mostly want to live in my yoga pants though, because my jeans aren't fitting. I have lost 5 pounds though, which on me, doesn't count for shit, but it's a start. I have 6 pairs of jeans that are basically brand new. I don't want to spend more money on new jeans, I want to fit into the old ones.

    The one thing that isn't driving me crazy at work, is the fact that I am getting paid to be active and exercise each time I go in. Myself, and a few of my new employees made a pact to get in shape, and be healthy. We're going to help each other lose weight, and feel better. Each of us, wants to lose at least 20 pounds. Each of us, wants to feel better about herself.

    It's nice to know I'm not the only one. It's nice to not be the only one at work that is overweight as well. It's nice to know, that I will have three girls helping to motivate me not to turn into a lazy slob.

    But this week, it's been hard to do anything when I'm not at work. Smyrish and I went for a very nice walk the other day, and I'm sure the two hours of dancing at Modest Mouse counted for something, but other than that, I haven't been up to much, unless someone is paying me.

    At least I feel like doing something though, because last week, I only felt like sleeping.

    Nov 7, 2007

    Random Concert Thoughts

    1. My body is older than my brain.

    2. I pushed and shoved and moshed my way to the front, which proved to me that I still have it.

    3. At one point, I thought I was going to die, because I couldn't breathe, there was so much pressure on my chest.

    4. All I could think of was, "Dammit, so this is how I'm going to go. Wedged between two drunk, smelly frat boys."

    5. I am stronger than I thought, because I just held on to the bar, and pushed back with my entire body, and knocked the smelly drunk boys backwards.

    6. I then danced my way to the side of the crowd.

    7. I stayed there, amongst the hippies and art stars, and danced until my legs burned.

    8. It was awesome.

    9. I'd show you pictures, but I got searched at the door, and my camera confiscated.

    10. I must have been the only one, because everyone else had their cameras. Maybe one of them can give me some photos to share.

    11. Thankfully, I knew a lot of people around me, because I lost the people that I went with early on.

    12. Overall, it was a great concert.

    13. The sound was shit, but they played some of my favorite songs.

    14. I would have been happy if they had played another hour of music, even though they had already played for about two.

    15. Today, it's back to reality. Have to go to work in a couple hours, and make some phone calls and clean the bathroom before I go.

    16. I bet Modest Mouse doesn't have to clean their bathroom today.



    Nov 6, 2007

    Yippee!

    I was quite disappointed last Friday, when I arrived home from The Pub, pumped to get ready to go and see Serena Ryder with Saviabella, and was told that it had been cancelled. Cancelled! That is the second time I have missed seeing her when she was in town.

    But tonight, in 3 hours to be exact, I'll be rockin' and bopping about to Modest Mouse. The last time they were in town, was when I was in Scotland, and I thought I had missed my chance of seeing them altogether.

    It's nice to feel excited about something!




    Nov 5, 2007

    Daddy Dearest

    I've been thinking about my dad quite a bit lately. More than usual, which is a lot, because he enters my thoughts every single day. Everyday, something catches my eye, or my ear, and makes me think of him. The last few weeks, it has been just more obvious to me.

    I was watching "All in the Family" the other day, the episode where Gloria finds out that she is pregnant, and Meat Head freaks out and runs away. She's sitting there in the middle of the night, talking to Edith, when Archie comes down, and tells Edith to beat it. He makes Gloria get out of 'his chair', so he can sit and talk to her. (Soooo, like my dad.) He tells her the story of the day she was born, again, and in his own awkward way, makes her feel like everything will be okay. My dad used to call me on my birthday, every year, and tell me the story of the day I was born. I would roll my eyes, and sigh, and say " Not again!", but I would listen, and by the end of it, my eyes would be full of tears. We would tell each other "I love you", and he'd either hang up abruptly, or quickly pass the phone to my mom.

    It hit me, that I don't get one of those moments. My dad will never see my kids, if I ever have any. He may not always have been the best dad, but I bet he would have been one hell of a grandpa.

    After that, it seemed that my days became flooded with reminders.

    I saw a documentary about the Galapagos Islands, and remembered the time he told me that when he was a little boy, he read about them, and ever since, he wanted to go there.

    Listening to Smyrish talk about his dumpster finds, always reminds me of the crap that my dad would proudly bring home after a day of "shopping" at the dump.

    Whenever I play Scrabble, I think about my mom and dad when they were young. My mom once told me the story of how they were playing Scrabble and drinking tea, and realized they were out of smokes. My dad had remembered dropping some under the house, and crawled down there to get them. It may sound strange, as I see that as quite romantic.

    When I see GQ, his hot Italian girlfriend and her little guy together, I just wish that Dad could see how far GQ has come in the past couple years. He's no longer an Eeyore, he's a man, and a dad himself. He reminds me so much of Bob, in some good ways and some bad.

    Every time I think of running away, which I do a lot this time of year, I remember the conversation we had before I left for Scotland. He told me, that I was the most like him, and I inherited some traits that he wished I hadn't, but he was happy that I inherited his fearlessness. He told me to never settle for " it'll do", and to always seek adventure in life, even if I knew I might fuck up.

    The older I get, the more my memories of him change. All of the not-so-good memories are pushed to the back burner, and all the good moments become clearer. Which is just the way I want it to be.


    Nov 4, 2007

    The Lost Journals of Abigail Road

    I used to have a book full of poems, random thoughts, songs I had written, quotes I liked, etc. I have been looking for this book for a few months now, ever since Das Piper moved back, and started encouraging me to write songs again.

    There is some good material in that book, wherever it is. I'm sure there is some angsty teenage bullshit in it as well, but even that, I would like to read again.

    I started writing in it in 1997. My Auntie Kathy bought the journal for me, when I was staying with her and her family in Winnipeg, on my way back from Halifax. It had been my first big adventure on my own, and I had alot to say. As soon as we got back to her house, I went to my room, and started writing.

    A few months later, I ran away to Vancouver, and I had even more to write about then.

    I forgot about the book, until I had a big dose of heartache thrown my way a few years later, and I took it to Montreal with me.

    I wrote a lot of good one-liners in it, in my twenty-fifth year, when I was having the worst year of my life, and wanted to just end it all.

    I vaguely remember having it in my possession when I moved to the House of Pain, but apparently had no use for it, and now, it is missing in action.

    I am sure, that it is hiding around here, somewhere. But where? It kind of bothers me to think that it is just out there, alone, without my watchful eye upon it. I am very protective of my journals and the like, and hate the thought of someone finding it, and sitting down to read it.

    I have been thinking about this journal for months. But last night, around 3am, it really started to bother me. The more I thought of it, the more of its content came back to me. It felt good to remember some of those poems.

    I remembered what I had written on the second last page of the book. A list of adjectives, describing what I thought of myself, in 1997. It flashed like a photograph in my mind.


    Sister.
    Writer.
    Singer.
    Lover.
    Loser.
    BITCH.
    Tom-boy.
    Liar.
    Musician.
    Friend?
    Fighter.
    Coward.
    Leader.
    Innocent?
    Traveller.
    Drunk.
    Smoker.
    Creator.
    Weird-o.
    Motivated.
    Funny?
    Pretty.
    Punk.
    Poser.
    Boring.
    Fun.

    And it goes on and on. I wish I could remember more of the list. I wish I knew if anything should be added or removed from the list.

    I've got to find that journal.