Taking Down the Tree

Smyrish and I put up our very first Christmas tree together this December, and hosted our first Christmas dinner as well. Neither of us have been big Christmas people since we have met. For one, we are not religious in any way, and secondly the holiday is too hectic and expensive. Once we were married, there were too many opportunities for hurt feelings, driving on bad highways, stress, and angry relatives and co-workers that we pretty much just gave it up, and took ourselves out of the game. No one seemed to notice, and it suited us just fine.

This year felt different though. I think that in part, we were feeling more in the Xmas spirit because we were going to be alone. Our immediate families are all in Saskatchewan, and there is always that feeling of "missing out" that plagues me when I can't be everywhere doing everything and seeing everyone. We really do miss them all, and knowing that you don't know when we'll see them again makes you really appreciate people. I think the main reason for feeling all festive, although I didn't think of it at the time, was the fact that we are HOME. For the first time since we moved in together, we know that we are settled. There really wasn't a point in decorating, or having a tree or anything for the first few years we lived together, because I was usually working, and if I wasn't we would spend Xmas at the home of one of our many parents. Then we had our little adventure last year, which really made us appreciate the finer things in life, like having a permanent place to send your mail, and indoor plumbing.

I have always wrestled with the thought of being "settled" in to one place. Settled was boring, it was giving up on life, and closing your mind to new opportunities for adventure. After this past year, I now know that that is only true if you make it so. Being settled is being comfortable, and not in a "I'm giving up" kind of way. Smyrish and I have worked hard to figure out where we want to be.

So, as I drag that dead tree through the living room and throw it out on the lawn today, I will know that even though we have been through more than our fair share of crap in the past year, I wouldn't change a thing, because it got us to where we are right now. We are home, and we are happy, and life is good.

Fuck Xmas, Yo.

Is it January 2nd yet? No? Motherfucker, I wish it was.

I think I have already had my annual Xmas mental breakdown, although I took it out on the dogs this time, instead of the handicapped people at work, who usually have to see me lose my mind, and sit on the floor crying and whining about how hard life is, and how I "just can't handle this shit anymore". Once the annual temper tantrum is over, I have a day of energy and productivity, and then I just go into auto-pilot until the holidays are over.

Christmas has never been my favorite time of year. I don't know what it is, but starting the week before, I am in a mood. I take everything a little bit too personally, everything is just a little too hard to deal with, and it takes all the inner strength I can muster up, just to get through until New Year's Day without killing myself or others. Usually, as soon as I know all the hullabaloo is over, I am calmer, happier, and am no longer having suicidal or murderous thoughts.

I don't know if it's the shopping, the pressure to make that one day the best day of the year for everyone around you, or the social and family commitments that I either can, or cannot attend, but it is all just too much. Sometimes I wish I was Jehovah's Witness or something, so I didn't have to deal.

Once Christmas Day is over, the stress of New Year's Eve is upon me. I never know what to do, where to go, who to hang out with. It always ends up being a fun party, no matter what I choose to do, but this year, it seems to be harder to make this decision, mostly because I feel like I am out of the loop with everyone I used to hang out with. I haven't hung out with the girls in so long, that I don't even know what or how they are doing, or what I would tell them if they asked me those questions. At the same time, I know I am not interested in braving the pub on a busy night like that, so I'm flip-flopping between house parties, trying to figure out where I would feel more comfortable, or welcome.

Blarg. Eleven more days, and all of this will be over, and I can concentrate on getting the hell away from here for a couple weeks. If Cuba works out nicely, and we decide to never come back, I'll get one of you to send the dogs to us, and the rest of our things you can divvy up amongst yourselves. :)

Xmas Letters

Dear Maggie and Patches,

I love you both with all my heart, but you really need to pee on the training pads, not beside them. Also, I am looking into doggie rehab for your garbage addictions. I'll keep you posted.

Love, Mommy

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Dear Co-worker Who Regularly Does Not Show Up for Shifts,

Last night, I had my car warming up, my boots on, and was ready to leave, as I had already been at work for ten hours. When I looked at the clock, and it was 12:10am, I knew you weren't coming. The least you could have done, was phone, or at least answer your phone when I called you.

Oh, and you're gonna be fired, so fuck you. Then I won't have to deal with your shit anymore.

Yours Truly, Your Boss

************

Dear Chick on her Cell Phone,

I hope next time you are texting and driving during rush hour, on icy streets, you crash into a light post. Sound harsh? Well, you almost crashed into me, and I'd rather I be alive than have you driving around yapping on your cell phone about the Jonas Brothers, or how so-an-so totally looked at your funny in class today.

Friends Forever, Abigail

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Dear Smyrish,

If it wasn't for you, I'd go mad. Thank you for being at home today and letting me interrupt your work with kisses.

Love always, Your Wife

Oh Jebus, Xmas is Coming

You can tell Christmas is coming, when everyone is stressed out, cranky and complaining about a lack of money.

I am trying to be all "zen" about Christmas this year. I have realized that there is no way in hell I can please everyone, and with the short amount of time I have off from work, I can't even really please myself, and do exactly what I wanted to do, which would be having at least a few days to see everyone, and go everywhere. From what I understand, that's just the way it goes, once you're a married adult who has a job.

This year I will not be able to go to Small Town for Christmas, and instead we will be going to Smyrish's dad's place on Christmas Day, and his mom's on Boxing Day, so we're still getting good meals, and time to visit relatives before I have to get back to work. We even get to throw a Boxing Day brunch in there with a couple friends who do not have family here, and for that, I am grateful. To me, my friends are family too. I am also grateful that I have a mother that understands that regular everyday life doesn't stop just because it's a holiday. She understands that I have to work, and that I only have a day and a half to do the Xmas thing, and we can always get together another time. It's too bad my brother GQ isn't as understanding, because it would make this year much easier on me. I've missed out on Christmas before due to work, weather or car troubles, and the world didn't end. It just sucks a little, not to be involved in the Christmas traditions we become so accustomed to, after years of doing those same things, and seeing the same people.

The first Christmas after my dad died, was when I learned that life changes, and things don't always stay the way you want them to stay. Christmas morning was strange and awkward for me, even though our routine didn't change much. He wasn't sitting on the couch in his robe, watching us as we opened our presents, giving us lame advice on what we should do with our new things. We didn't have to beg him to hurry up and open his presents, and I couldn't laugh and roll my eyes at his "surprised" look when he opened the day planner that he got from us every single year. We made Xmas brunch ourselves, instead of eating his greasy, but yummy, mess of eggs and bacon.

Things just kept changing even more after that. Relatives and friends that I was used to seeing every year, got married or moved away, had babies, or started new jobs. Now I am married, and have an even bigger family to include in Christmas plans, and possibly one day we will have our own children, and we will start our own Christmas traditions, and people will just have to roll with it.

That's life.

Boxing Day

T'was another fine SmallTown Xmas. We ate more than our bodies wanted us to, we drank no more than our seasoned livers could handle, and we even got in some tobogganing and fresh air at The Lake. We played Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit, opened presents, visited the cousins, and took in a "Family Feud" marathon on the television. Smyrish and Film Star even wandered into an old abandoned school, and accidentally got a nice photo of a ghost. And of course, we all got some deadly fucking presents.

Overall, it was a nice little holiday, and it was especially nice to have Knuckle Toes and Smyrish join us.


Next year, I hope that we can get together with AJ and her clan as well, 'cause I missed them terribly, but at least they phoned to sing to us our family Xmas medley.

And now, it's time to finish the laundry, make the leftovers into a stir fry, and get ready to meet the ladies at The Pub for the "ugly xmas sweater party", as they were nice enough to offer to buy this poverty-stricken lassie a pint or two.

Hope y'all had a nice Festivus!

Xmas Eve in the Drunk Tank

I know it's not Xmas Eve yet, but I may not have a chance to post again. This is my favorite Xmas song, hands down.

Have a good holiday, readers. Cheers!

Xmas is Coming.

Two more sleeps, and I'll be loading up the car with gifts and family, and heading to Small Town. I am not as anxious/grouchy/depressed as I usually am this time of year, so here's hoping I stay that way.

I am not much of a Christmas person. I hate shopping. Driving in the winter scares the bejeesus outta me. There are always a hundred things to do, and two hundred people to see, all in one week, and I never feel as if I can accomplish all the visiting, eating, driving and whatnot in such a short span of time and without at least three anxiety attacks. My brother GQ and I cannot handle being in the same space for more than 20 minutes, before we want to kill each other. I never seem to have enough money for gifts, gasoline, and nights out with out of town visitors, nevermind New Year's. I have the amazing ability to gain at least 15 pounds in two days, leaving me without pants for the new year.

Some people can't wait for Boxing Day, myself, I pray that January 2nd will show up faster than a lightening bolt.

It's not all bad though. I really do like seeing people that I don't get to see as often as I'd like. I get to see my family and old friends, most of whom, I only see this one time in any given year. Good food abounds, and the beer flows like wine. I am sure that this years road-trip and family gathering will be a hoot, and when it's all over and done with, I get to go out dancing on Boxing Day, to burn off some steam.

Have a Merry Festivus everyone!

Bah Hum-Bitch

Myself, and those around me, survived a day of Xmas shopping at the mall, and at Walmart. How my friends put up with me, I'll never know, but I am grateful.

It was a long day. I woke up way too early to take a trip to the optometrist, who basically told me I am going blind, and I should have gone to see him three years ago. He did impress me though, by remembering where I worked and that I grew up in a train station, like the one in the picture he has hanging on the wall in the waiting room. I went home, and passed back out in bed in my clothes, and slept in for my Xmas shopping date.

I loathe the mall. All malls. Each and every one of them. Especially at Xmas. Most employees come off as fake and creepy, and my fellow shoppers give me the heebie jeebies with their perfect hair and clothes and their Christmas cheer. I am unable to actually look for clothes in the mall, because I am not a size 4, or a size double zero. Looking at all the cute clothes that I will never fit in, usually drives me to tears. But today, the promise of food court sukiyaki beef for lunch kept me going through the morning without too many instances of wanting to burst into tears. I actually got a few items crossed off my list, and all of the wandering about, helped me think of things I need to purchase outside of the mall on another day. Once our bellies were full of food court goodness, it was off to Walmart. I found a wonderful sewing machine that I will purchase myself after I figure out how to pay for new glasses and a winter coat first. Of course, we hit the liquor store on the way home, as it was wine o'clock.

I am going to spend my Friday evening getting the House of Pain in order for the girls night I am hosting tomorrow, followed by a glass of wine in a candlelight bath, and popcorn for a late supper.

Have a good weekend everyone!