Nov 1, 2011

10 Things that Scare the Crap Out of Me, In Honor of Hallowe'en.

1. Walking up stairs in which I can see through. I do not need to know how far away I am from the ground.

2. Children in horror movies. Seriously, there's nothing like watching a cute little demonic child terrorize a sleepy mountain town that doesn't make you rethink your plans for becoming a foster parent, or even a biological parent.

3. Turning into a zombie. Seriously, if I get bit, just lob my head off. Don't be a pussy about it, just do it.

4. Unfinished basements. I don't care what you say, but if your basement only has a cement floor and a swinging lightbulb, you are hiding something from me, and no, I will not go downstairs and fetch something out of the freezer for you.

5. Moving into a home that has a mean ghost. I have lived with some weird dead people before, but all of them have been very nice from what I experienced.  I do not ever want to live with a spirit that is an asshole.

6. Not only am I terrified of experiencing my own death, but I am really afraid of dying and not having my body found until it is all gross and bloated and eaten by birds and rodents.

7. Aliens. I believe they are out there, and I would really appreciate it if they never, ever set foot in my bedroom at night to take me away and do tests on me. Thanks in advance, space people.

8.  Happening upon a dead body while walking in the woods.

9. Showering at night, in a bathroom that doesn't have a locking door. I'm looking at you, hostels and campgrounds.

10. Being the slowest runner in the group.

Oct 17, 2011

15 Things That Made Me Happy Today

1. The warm temperature and the sunshine.

2. Being invited out to karaoke by a new work friend.

3. Kissing my husband.

4. Watching Smyrish "churn" his own butter.

5.  Playing "Deal or No Deal" on Facebook.

6. Sitting outside with one of my clients watching airplanes fly by.

7. Watching Patches and Maggie wrestle on the slippery linoleum floor.

8. Egg salad sandwiches.

9. Having a flashlight to use, so I felt safe walking at night.

10. I can breathe out of one nostril.

11. I have lost 5 pounds.

12. The smell of campfire permeating the neighborhood.

13. The amazing Halloween decorations around these parts.

14. Having a "back up" travel mug to use for my coffee.

15. Reminiscing about Casey and Finnegan and Mr. Dressup.

Oct 9, 2011

Once Again.......

It's been a few years since the Fall Depression has hit me this hard. Actually, it's been a few years since I've felt this blackened at all. I've managed to keep myself pretty in check the past couple years, or so I think. It's strange how on the most beautiful of Autumn days, it just hits. Just like that. To be honest, I've been fighting it off for a few months now. I guess I just got lazy today and gave the guards a day off.

I've been annoying the hell out of myself so much lately that I am almost happy that my friends aren't here to put up with my mood swings, and at the same time it breaks my heart that my wonderful husband has to bear the brunt of it alone. As it has been my entire life, when I start feeling this way, instead of talking about it, or getting professional help, or telling somebody what I think might be the problem ( because honestly, I never actually know the whole story myself, only bits and pieces) I start getting nit-picky, and judgemental and things that aren't important in the slightest are suddenly the most stressful and frustrating things in the whole world. It's a coping mechanism that I developed early on, so I could push everyone far away, and not have to tell them what's bothering me. When people are angry or annoyed with you, they don't want to talk to you. This helps me keep my secrets and problems to myself, so I can try and find a way to self-soothe and be a god-damned hero or something. On the other hand though, it pushes people away, and the option of having somebody to talk to when you most feel you need them,  is gone altogether. It's a flawed plan and coping mechanism, I'll admit. I haven't actually figured out why I do it, or how to stop it. I decided today, that I need to get on that one. If I can answer that question for myself, I should be on the right track.

I am a fairly productive depressed person though. I still make it to work, I get all my chores done, I don't normally burst into tears or throw things in public. I've learned to be a high-functioning total fuck up, which is good, because I don't think I could just lay in bed all day and be sad, although that is what I'm doing right now. I'm already starting to get antsy, and it's only been an hour since I announced I wasn't eating supper and I was going to bed in the late afternoon.

So, bring on the St. John's Wort, the angry independent music, and many, many hours walking around talking to myself. This too shall pass, but this time, it's going to pass without the aid of cigarettes, alcohol, and a pub full of people in the same boat, and the main goal will be not alienating the one person I need out here.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Oct 4, 2011

Grace in Small Things #70

1. The internet. If it wasn't for the internet, I'd be lost and lonely.

Sep 29, 2011

Grace in Small Things #69 ( teehee....69)

1. A quiet house. No music, no television, no telephones ringing, no footsteps up's been a glorious few weeks of silence.

2. Getting a big hug from a new co-worker, just because she felt like it, and sensed that I needed one. She was right, and she saved me from myself today, and she doesn't even know it.

3. Learning your way around a new town.

4. The sound of boats on the water.

5. Hedge clippers. When all else fails, take your anger out on the weeds and bushes.

Sep 27, 2011

I Hate Celebrities and Getting My Period

It's weird, how my whole life I was so against the thought of having children. I was 110% sure that they would just cramp my style, and hold me back from doing all the fun things that I wanted to do in life.  Plus, they cost a lot of money, and they're whiny, and a very good friend of mine once pointed out that all children smell like rotten pineapple. ( or was it that pineapple smells like dirty little kids? I can't remember?) However, that is true that they would have cramped my style. Had I had a child earlier in life, I would have missed out on so much. I never would have gotten any travelling done. You can't just hop a train or a plane or a bus and head out of town, or the country, with 24 hours notice if you're a mommy. I wouldn't have all those years of hard-partying under my belt, which I don't regret at all because, DAMN, those were good times. (Those of you who were there for those 10 years can second that motion.) Most importantly, that child would have a daddy that isn't Smyrish, and that just wouldn't be any good at all. Which is maybe why I never really wanted kids. I just hadn't found the right baby daddy yet.

If you asked me ten years ago if I ever worried about possibly not ever being able to carry a child to term, I would have said "Who the fuck cares, I don't want 'em anyways", and had a shot of whatever you were buying.

Now, it's all I can freaking think about. Babies, babies, babies.  I still groan and roll my eyes and whisper "ah fuck" under my breath when I get my period every month, but for different reasons than before.  I try to ignore Facebook statuses by women who complain about their pregnancies, especially the young women who I honestly don't think are old enough to be even having babies, because I feel like slapping them all.  I try my best to avoid my much-loved tabloid magazines and websites, because they are full to the tits with articles about how Kelly Preston/Gwen Stefani/Jane Seymour/Mariah Carey, etc. all had babies at the ripe old age of 65 without any medical interventions whatsoever, and how Beyonce just can't believe what a gift growing a human inside of you is. ( BTW, Did you know that she is THE FIRST woman to ever feel this way? Go Beyonce, you frickin' a-hole!)

The fact is, in biological terms, I am getting old. I know that thirty two isn't old at all in this day and age.  Biology doesn't quite agree though, nature would have preferred that a man conked me on the head en route back to my cave and knocked me up at the ripe old age of sixteen. It's just the way it is. I quit smoking almost a year ago. I quit drinking like it was going out of style even before that. I exercise, and take my vitamins, and folic acid, and all that shit, but it just doesn't matter. It's either gonna happen, or it ain't, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it, because I am not a celebrity with a super uterus and eleventy billion dollars. Nature, you are a real bitch sometimes, but I love you anyways.

I try not to stress too much about it, but it's just frustrating, ya know?

Sep 12, 2011

Late Night Thinking

I have shared this video clip from the movie "Up" a few times before. Maybe I've even posted it here on this blog before too, I can't remember. I come across it every once in awhile when I go through my blogs and Facebook links and whathaveyou, and every damn time, I'm crying two seconds after I click play.

My biggest fear in life, is waking up one day, sick and on the brink of death and knowing in my soul that I didn't do my very best to do and see all the things I wanted to do in life. The list of things I want to do and see before I kick the bucket gets longer every year. The more I live, the more I want to see and do. The list never ever gets shorter. So, I need to know that no matter what happens in life, I tried my best to have adventures, to have great friends, to learn and to teach, to do whatever it took to have a story to tell. A story that will surpass me, and my piddly little existence in this universe. With any luck, there will be many stories that will be told about me after I'm dead and gone, and those who are still around will be able to have a good chuckle at my expense once in awhile, if I don't do something to make them all hate me. Which I am capable of doing, I am sure.

The thing is though, that daily life is boring. It can be monotonous. On any given day, whether I'm in Europe, Cuba, Regina, or living in a 40 year old camper somewhere in the mountains, my days consist of generally the same things. Dishes. Cooking. Eye-Rolling. Dishes. Laugh with husband. Laundry. Dog walks. Swearing at dogs. Annoying husband. Watch dogs play. Dishes. That's just the way it is. You can't be having adventures all the time, and I am okay with that. But sometimes, I forget that I'm okay with that, and I get all down on myself, and I'm damn annoying when I'm down on myself, because there just isn't any reasoning with me. But then, I come across this video clip from a cute little movie, and everything rights itself again.

I remember that life isn't all about the big adventures and the big stories and the big dramatic horrible stuff, it's the little things that count too. It's my husband wanting to build a kitchen table, just so our great-grandchildren can brag that they now have the table that great grandpa built for great grandma. It's making perogies by myself in the kitchen as the dogs hump each others faces at my feet, and wondering if my grandma had to put up with that sort of thing while she made perogies. It's about family and friends and all the good and bad that comes along with having them around. It's about a puppy licking your tears away when you cry, and the incredibly bright moonlight that makes it bright enough for you to read outside, and the relief of finding that item you were looking for all over the house, and Tetris and having friends that will go ghost hunting with you and so many more little things that I could just go on for miles.

No wonder I don't ever get any sleep, what with all this thinking.

Sep 9, 2011

New Beginnings

On Sunday morning, my husband and I packed up the last of our belongings, and said our goodbyes to family members and we drove west. Originally we had planned on making some stops to visit friends and family, but with an appointment early Tuesday morning to get the keys to our new home coming fast, we just drove straight through to our destination, Vancouver Island. It was a whirlwind trip, that consisted of scattered conversation, little sleep and many Tim Hortons stops along the way.  I think my body is still recovering from sitting and sleeping in the front seat of the truck for 36 hours. However, we made it safe and sound to our newest home in Sooke, British Columbia.

For those who aren't aware, my husband, myself and our two dogs had been living and travelling for the past year in our Scamper Camper. A few short weeks ago, I arrived home after working a graveyard shift to find my husband and our friend V-Man frantically moving all of our belongings out of the camper, and into the House of Pain because the damn thing had sprung many leaks overnight. Luckily, we had already planned to dismantle the trailer and use it to haul all of our belongings back to British Columbia, where we had decided many months ago that we wanted to permanently settle.

We arrived to Nanaimo late Monday night, and after driving to Victoria, and having many attempts to camp thwarted for various reasons, we parked on the side of the road and caught a few winks around 2am, woke up early, cleaned ourselves up in a McDonald's bathroom, met the Realtor and got our keys. We have been cleaning and running errands and visiting family and taking in the cool ocean air ever since, and it has been wonderful.

It is so good to be home.

Grace in Small Things #68

1. Drinking a fine ale out of a fine wine glass.

2. Zero gravity chairs.

3. A large fenced yard for the dogs to run in.

4. Checking out a new restaurant, in a new city with an old friend.

5. Hot days and cool nights.

6. Not having to haul water to do dishes.

7. Peace and quiet, if only for a while.

Aug 11, 2011


To be honest, I've been thinking of just ending this blog for the past couple months. I haven't felt like writing, and when I do feel like writing, I don't know where to start. Being me, I always have a lot to say, but I don't know if I get that feeling of comfort that I once did when I told the Internet all of my secrets. I have always had a hard time talking to people about the truly hard times in my life, but writing, online and off, has helped me work through many issues, and it helps me to vent what I can't say verbally. I've done it my whole life, but now, for some reason, I just can't get that pen, or keyboard,  to do what I want it to.

Six months ago, I wrote a long post about our struggle to make a baby, our ideas on how we would raise a baby if it ever came, and how grown up I felt that I was actually mentally ready to do the whole parenting thing. I deleted that post last week, having never actually taken the two seconds to post it here.

Fifteen weeks ago, I wrote a post, all full of sunshine and rainbows and unicorns, announcing to my blog readers that after almost three years of not using any contraceptive devices, we had finally fertilized an egg and there was a little hamster growing inside of me. I didn't post it. Maybe some part of me knew that I shouldn't spread the news just yet.

One month ago, I wanted to write all about our horrible experience of losing the baby that we had wanted so badly. I wanted to tell you the whole story, a story we have never actually told in its entirety to anyone yet. I wanted to tell you about all the blood and the surgery and the horrific doctors and wonderful nurses, and how I was afraid I was dying.  I wanted to tell you about my guilt in losing the first grandchild, the first niece or nephew, and my fear that maybe my parts just don't work, and I'm not ever going to be able to give anyone that baby they want so badly. I wanted to tell you how much I hate when people say "That's okay, you can always try again!", as if we don't know that, and already know that babies don't come so easily to some of us. I wanted to write about what bullshit it is that a miscarriage should just be forgotten about, that you should just move on, and pretend like it never happened. I wanted to give everyone a good ol' talking too who didn't think that my husband was just as devastated as I was. I wanted to tell you how my D & C experience made me even more pro-choice than I was before. I wanted to express all of my pain and anger and sadness....but I didn't. I just bottled it up.

Today, as I drank a cold cup of coffee, that I was too lazy to warm up, I realized that I need to keep writing. If not here, then somewhere, because I am losing my mind, keeping everything in. I am lucky in life, that I have a husband who is open and honest and with whom I can talk to about anything. I am lucky that I have family and friends that have expressed their concern, and have offered ears and shoulders to listen and to lean on. But being me, I have a hard time taking people up on those offers. I find comfort in the solitude that comes with writing, whether it be for the Internet, or in a personal journal. I would rather talk to myself most days, than talk to other human beings. It's just how I've always been. A social butterfly on the outside, and a perfectly content loner on the inside. The two sides, they clash sometimes, but it works for me.

So, I've decided to stick around. But I'm warning you, it won't be all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns around here for awhile, because I've got some shit to work out.

May 9, 2011

Grace in Small Things #67

1. Husband is working and will be bringing home the bacon soon.

2. I am working, and will be bringing home some bacon of my own.

3. Payment plans sorted out.

4. I got to go dancing on Saturday for the first time in months.

5. Knowing who your real friends are. :)

May 6, 2011

Poor House.

I've been sitting here thinking, and I am pretty sure I have not been this destitute before ever in life. When you couple the fact that I literally have $2.00 to my name, and am living in a camper with no running water in a friends back yard, it sounds pretty effing pathetic.

It's not like we're starving to death or anything, flour and water can make all sorts of things. I can still make a big pot of soup with some of the cupboard remnants. The Internet and a telephone is nice, but not necessary in the grand scheme of things I guess. It is warm enough to walk everywhere, so it's okay that the truck is almost on empty, and the payment is going to bounce. Right? Think positive, and positive things will happen is what I tell people.

Really though, by the end of the month, we will both have a couple paychecks, and will be able to catch up on everything, and throw our landlords a few bucks if me and my handy dandy budget get our way.

It's just hard. We are both working so hard, we haven't even seen each other much since we got back to Regina, and while we're working so hard, things are going unpaid left and right. I hate getting behind like that. It's embarrassing, and stressful...and embarrassing. Bah!

At least I found my keys. That's one less expense I will need to worry about.

Update: Right after posting this, my brother showed up and gave me a donation so I could keep my phone and internet. He's the most superest person in the world. You should read his blog @ 

I also finally got a hold of someone at BMO that not only  lived in Canada, and not India or Russia, but in Regina...she helped me sort out my truck stuff  and gave me many words of encouragement in getting through this stressful time. She told me it will all be over soon, and by the end of the month, all will be well. She is also the most superest person in the world. 

Apr 23, 2011

The Year of Healthier Living

I don't know what happened, but last summer I really started to think about mortality, and my health, and how I am not the spring chicken I once was. Not really in a depressing way, but it did occur to me that I am not immortal, and one day I will die. It also occured to me that even though I can't exactly pick my ETD, and I can't stop a piano falling on my head, or another car from killing me, I can do other things to stave off the one thing I fear more than heights or big open spaces, if only for awhile.

I knew I had to change my ways, and the typical culprits of unhealthy living had to go. I had to quit smoking. I had to eat properly ( and by properly, I mean more than once a day, and before 9pm). I had to stop drinking so damn much. I had to sleep more, and exercise more, and take some time for myself once in a while.

I  tried my best in September to quit smoking and drinking. After our last big party in our apartment, I felt so horrible that I decided I never wanted to drink or smoke again, a promise I had never made to myself before. Unfortunately, two weeks later I was back to drinking and smoking and hating it, but doing it nonetheless. I knew I couldn't stop, not there. I kept my mind open to the possibility of quitting these things once I was away.

Once we were settled out here in BC, and before I had a job, I knew that I had no choice but to quit smoking. We had already pretty much stopped drinking other than the occasional drink ( which we have stuck to for six months), so it had to be done. Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I have ever done, and the worst pain I have ever gone through. It was two weeks of pure emotional hell, but I got through it. In all honesty, I have had the occasional cigar and cigarette over the past few months, usually when out for drinks. I have realized that cigarettes taste bloody awful, and I know I will never be a "smoker" again. I will most likely still have the occasional fruit flavored cigarillo, because I want to, not because I have to. I decided right from the start that I would never say never....I keep my mind open to the fact that I might smoke, I might drink, I might eat an entire pizza by myself again one day. This way of thinking keeps away all those feelings of failure that always stopped me from being mentally and physically healthy before, and helps me to feel like I'm doing my best, no matter what.

Once the smoking and drinking were no longer a part of my daily life, everything else just kind of fell into place. Living in a mild climate has let me be the outdoorsy person I always wanted to be. I get to be outside every day, and I have even gotten used to the rain, and have learned that there isn't bad weather, there are just bad clothing choices.  I have lost 30 pounds since December, which sounds like a lot, but really, I need to lose another 20 before anyone will really notice....however, it happened without me really trying. Just being active, did it all. Due to our limited budget, we don't always eat as healthy as we want to, and due to the fact that we don't drink anymore, our weekend treat a lot of the time is a bag of chips or dessert on a Friday night. But to me, that is still healthier than drinking 18 beer, and getting McDonald's afterwards.

Now, it's not like I am a big fitness/health guru now. I don't care if you smoke and drink and live off Burger King Whoppers, I just have to watch myself, because I have an addictive personality, and I like to do everything in excess. I am proud of myself. I have worked hard to change my way of thinking, and my view of myself. I am not an aging, alcoholic, chain-smoking obese person. I don't know who I am to be honest, but I know I am not that anymore. I'm liking the new, energetic and happy me, and even though it's not happening over night, when it does happen, I will know that I earned my weight loss, and my healthy body, and my positive way of thinking. With any luck, this stronger mental and physical health will keep me on this earthly plain for a few years longer than I had originally expected.

Apr 19, 2011

Grace in Small Things #66

1. Random sprouting daffodils.

2. Three more weeks, and I will be making regular paychecks for three months. Three weeks isn't that long, is it?

3. Letting the dogs off-leash on walks.

4. My husbands hair after it's gone greasy and stands up all over the place.

5. Last shift at this job is on a stat holiday. Time and a half!

6. Annual camping trip confirmation came in the mail.

7. Knuckle Toes is waiting for us to get home before she moves here. Party on.

8. Black fingernails and red hot toenails.

9. Having a husband that will hold me while I cry uncontrollably over ruined pancakes, but knows that the pancakes aren't the real problem.

Apr 11, 2011

Oh, Patches.

My first memory of meeting Patches was at a party at a friend's house about 3 years ago. We were sitting on the patio swing out back, taking a moment away from the drunken festivities, and this fuzzy little Ewok wandered over for a visit. He was weird looking, and goofy, and very friendly. We joked about stealing him and taking him home with us. One of our hosts told us we could take him anytime, but we didn't take him seriously. A few months later, Patches needed a home, and was dropped off at our place.

Patches ( and now Maggie) has been with us on so many adventures, it's hard to even count. The little bugger loves camping and bonfires, and even has his own camp chair. We've taken him to parties, to the bar, canoeing, and he was at our wedding. It kills me to leave our dogs anywhere, even when they've stayed with friends when we've been unable to take them for any reason, they are an integral part of my day.

Patches is a dopey, happy lump of a dog. He has become more active since we've moved to BC, and he's learned to play not only with other dogs, but with toys and sticks...finally. It's good to be a Patches, for the most part.

Patches has had more than his fair share of health problems since we've taken him in. Some were preventable ( and now we know!) , and some were not, and some just come along with being a Shit Zu ( bad teeth for example.) On top of all that, he was attacked last winter, and had to have emergency surgery, and mentally hasn't quite been the same since.

He was doing good for awhile, but the past few weeks it's been one thing after the other. It started out with a severe eye infection ( that still hasn't quite cleared up), and then what seemed to be a UTI, and now his stomach and the area around his penis is red and raw, and there are sores appearing. I spent Saturday night consoling him, while he had diarrhea and puked until 7am. Today, his sores seem to be worse, but that's probably because of all the licking and scratching he's been doing. We got him groomed, we've tried different creams, and try to keep him from bothering them too much. Tonight he is sleeping beside me peacefully after I put some zinc cream on. It was like instant relief to him, so it must be itchy-burny.

It makes me feel like a big fucking asshole that I can't afford to even take him to the vet this time. We're at a point where every penny we have has to get us back to Saskatchewan in a couple weeks. Neither of us get paid again until we get home. And he just keeps feeling worse. Ugh.

Some online friends and family have made comments to me over the past few weeks about what they think it may be, and giving advice on websites to check out for information ( THANK YOU!) , and some have bluntly told me to relax, because "it's just a dog". To these people, I want to say "relax, it's just your child that's sick, you can get another one", but that would be rude, so I won't.

The thing is, Patches is my best bud, and I worry about him always.  I am never happier than when I'm just hanging with my husband and my dogs, so every single day, I get to experience pure fucking joy, just hanging out at home. So when Patches is sick, it just kills me a little.

Here's hoping that it's nothing serious, and he doesn't feel worse before we can get some money in the bank, and also, here's to hoping that one day he won't always have to sleep on my pillow and snore in my ear at the volume of five old men who smoked for 40 years. Seriously Patches, I'm trying to concentrate!

Feb 23, 2011

Conflicted Feelings

In two short months, we will be heading east again, to make our way back to Saskatchewan for most of the summer. Even though we still have two more months here, I am already getting sad about leaving, and want us to figure out our plans for when we come back. Because we are coming back.

Our original plans, although not set in stone in any way, included a lot more travelling around than we have been doing. Our original plan did not include Vancouver Island at all, because of the cost of the ferry with our truck and trailer. Our original plan had us down in the States by now, somewhere. But, plans change, and the universe throws us for loops, and all things happen for a reason. We didn't know it at the time, but we were supposed to end up here.

We arrived here with nowhere to go. No campgrounds would even let us park in them, because our rig was so old. We were stuck, and fearing having to live in a Walmart parking lot, or having to head back to the mainland as an epic fail. After a couple days of stress, we found Malahat, thanks to that weird girl in the Walmart parking lot. We have met interesting and wonderful people, and we are starting to make friends. The dogs have a whole pack that they play with every single day. We do day trips around the area, and have even more planned. If we stayed here, we would have something to do, at any given time. I'm even starting to get used to the is so much better than 40 below zero.

I have to laugh at myself. The girl who wanted nothing but to get off the farm her whole life, is dreading having to go back to the city for a couple months...even a city the size of Regina. I like this quiet, rural way of life we have here. I like the fact that I don't spend any money on cigarettes or alcohol, and that all my interactions are sober and meaningful and not hazy at all. I'm afraid that when I go back, I will go back to my old ways, because for the first time in over 10 years, I feel healthy. And then I feel bad, because I don't want anyone back home to think that I blame them for anything, or think less of them, or however all this may sound.  I needed to get away, and I needed to make some changes in myself, and I did. I just couldn't do it at home. I needed to get out of the rut I put myself in.

Although I have mixed feelings about heading back to Saskatchewan, I am excited to see certain people, and you all know who you are. I'm predicting many good visits and laughs and camping trips, and I have made Mother Nature promise that the weather will be beautiful the whole time we are home.

See you in May.

Grace in Small Things #65

At almost 5 years old, Patches has finally figured out how to play fetch with a ball...and he LOVES it. He is also being more social with all the other dogs, and he's a happier puppy. Good boy! :)

Feb 17, 2011

Grace in Small Things #64

1. Justin Beiber. Seriously, his music makes me wish I was deaf, but he's a funny little fucker. And his fans make me laugh my head off on Twitter everyday. For instance, tonight a ton of them are contemplating suicide because he went out in a hail of gunfire on an episode of CSI. Some are calling for the show to be cancelled because "THEY KILLED HIM!". Hilarious. I can think of better reasons why CSI should be put down.

2. Teasing my husband about his peanut butter consumption, just to get a rise out of him. Funny stuff.

3. Ewok battles between Patches and Maggie that end in Maggie humping Patches' face.

4. Husband noticing loose skin on my arms, and that I've lost weight. ( This will not be so nice when I have arm skin flapping all over the place in a few months.)

5. Someone special is moving my way.

Feb 12, 2011

Grace in Small Things #63

1. Waking up to a back rub.

2. Having the forethought to set up coffee the night before.

3. Neighbors who buy you farm fresh eggs.

4. Not having to beg and plead with the dogs to hurry up and do their business because it's pouring rain....they just did it. Phew.

Feb 3, 2011

Grace in Small Things #62

It has been so long since I have worked regular hours throughout a week, that I forgot how wonderful and necessary a day off is.  Although the weather today has kept me from doing all the things I had planned for today, I was still able to get out for two short walks with the dogs today, and have been taking advantage of the time I have to catch up on all my blogs, etsy business, cleaning, and so on.

So, "yay" for a days off from the daily grind.

Jan 26, 2011

32 Things I've Learned in my 32 Years

Yesterday I turned thirty-two. Getting older usually doesn't bother me, but this year, the thought of being thirty-two turned my stomach a wee bit. Thirty-two is not old by any means, but it has sunk in that I am not nineteen anymore, and even though I have more than enough time to still do everything I want to do in life ( if I don't get hit by a bus or have a fatal brain aneurysm or anything), I don't really have the time to lollygag anymore...some decisions need to be made, and some things just need to get done, and some things just are the way they are. I haven't learned much, but I've tried, and here is a list of things I believe to be true.

1. Go ahead and lie, cheat and steal if it suits you.  Just be okay with the fact that you are going to get caught, and have a plan for when you do.

2. You cannot die of a broken heart.

3. There is no better feeling than someone making you laugh til you cry.

4. It is impossible to eat healthy when you only have $15.00 left after you cash your paycheck and pay the bills.

5. The tall skinny blonde sitting next to you, probably has just as many issues with her body and self esteem as the short, fat person on the other side of you.

6. Girls are way dirtier than boys.

7. True friends will tell you that you are being an asshole when you are, and expect you to keep them in line too.

8. Don't regret anything. What's done is done, and there was a reason why you did it.

9. Nobody owes you anything, so don't expect anything.

10. If you are going to sink a canoe in the middle of a lake, empty it of its contents first.

11. Dancing with your friends can make almost anything better.

12. Don't play board games with Bree or Nick, unless you are prepared for the consequences. ;)

13. If you're confused in an airport, train station, or bus station the haggard guy with all the patches on his back pack knows more than the staff that are paid to be there.

14. Don't use gasoline to start a fire if the pit is close to the house.

15. Don't leave your clothes on the beach when you go skinny dipping. Always take something into the water with you, just in case.

16. Always have some hand signals worked out before you hook the GT Racer up to the back of your vehicle and whip your cousin around on it.

17. Don't wear flip flops to a concert, unless you're okay with standing in the back, or losing a toenail or two.

18. Wear comfortable underwear. Picking a thong out of your arse all day does not make you look sexy.

19. You are never too old or too young to have fun adventures.

20. Unless they were awful to you, it's a good idea to be friends with your ex.

21. Being poor sucks. Having money really does make you happier.

22. Take good care of your teeth.

23. No matter how hard you try not to, you do turn into your parents in some shape or form.

24. When peeing outside, always make sure that you are at the top of the downward slant.

25. You will most likely get away with driving home drunk if the people in the car are way drunker than you are, and you stick your belly out and pretend that you are pregnant and physically uncomfortable. Roll your eyes at the cop to show your disdain for your friends/family/boyfriend.

26. Nobody ever gets rid of photos that you ask them to.

27. If you are leaving on vacation, don't leave leftover fish in your fridge.

28. Cats aren't super fond of swimming.

29. A savings account is good to have so you can move your last $40.00 to it from your chequing account so it doesn't get wasted on those darn NSF's.

30. If you pluck that hair, it will come back darker and thicker, and it will bring some friends.

31. It is better to be dressed for the weather than dressed to look cool.

32. No matter what happens in your life, you can and will get through it...... eventually.

Jan 13, 2011

Snow Day

Originally posted over @

I had planned on spending all day today sewing, and hopefully taking photos of some new bottle cap magnets I made this week. I am now going to be working Friday, Saturday and Sundays at a group home, so my creative job will have to be done during the week. So, like I said, I had planned on getting some work done today.

I hadn't planned on the insane storm we received here on the island, starting last night. Driving back to the campground from the city was daunting. I have driven on a lot of scary Canadian highways in the winter, but Malahat Drive has got to be the worst. The wet heavy snow made the roads slippery, the tree branches heavy, and our nerves on edge. Once we were home, we decided to spend the evening staying warm, and playing Nintendo. It was great. 

Both of us had thought about my event tent ( that we use as a picnic shelter here), and the weight of the snow. Both of us knew we should go and check on it. Both of us acted too late. When we heard the heavy thud, we knew what it was. There was no saving it. The legs and roof buckled under the weight of the wet snow. 

Oops, it fell. 

Dammit. I really liked that tent. I got it on sale too. Mother Effer.  My husband called time of death on it this morning, after he was a super trooper, and shoveled all the snow off of our roof at 4:30am so it wouldn't collapse like the tent, and then dug the tent out of all the snow. He's tops in my books today.

Not that the tent has anything to do with my ability to sew. It doesn't. We ( along with about 30,000 other people) were without power, all day. Like, a nine hour work day, all day kind of day. Without power, we don't have heat, and we don't eat anything that needs to be cooked. Without the tent, we don't have dry charcoal to cook outside on the grill. It was a cold, frustrating day, that didn't give any opportunity for crafty ventures. Unless you call shoveling crafty.

It wasn't a total bust though. I learned that I can survive in a trailer with no heat, as long as I am in BC and not Saskatchewan ( I am positive we would not have made it, had this happened back home.) The dogs had a ton of fun frolicking in the snow drifts, and I know have a special appreciation for my rubber boots, that I did not have before. They saved my feet today, so I can still push the "gas pedal" on my sewing machine.

Tomorrow is another day, the weather is looking up, I hope, and I've got a pile of material that's just begging to be made into shirred top dresses and shirts, and apron tops. Woot!

Garbage Tent. 

BTW --- Check out my booth @ !

Jan 12, 2011

Grace in Small Things #61

1. The power came on at 5:30pm.

2. It was warm enough to be outside today to kill time, waiting for it to come back.

3. Luckily, we were not in Saskatchewan with no power or heat. We'd be dead right now.

4. We made it home safe on the highway last night, unlike some other drivers.

5. Only my festival tent was damaged, and not our camper.

6. Might have a lead on another tent. Phew.

7. The dogs had fun frolicking in the massive amount of snow.

What is left of my event tent. :(

8. I had fun frolicking in the snow too. Especially after Smyrish shoveled a labyrinth for us to run in.

9. Even though it was a tough day, we are all safe and sound and drying off.

Jan 4, 2011

2010 Recap in 38 Questions

Here's to The Palinode and All and Sundry for helping me figure out how to start the new year on this blog. *fist bump*

1. What did you do in 2010 that you had never done before? 

I rode on a scooter. I sold all my belongings and moved into a 16' pull camper. I helped make my dad's famous beef stroganoff pie. I kept two plants from dying. I rode in an illegal Cuban taxi. 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't make new years resolutions, and I won't make any this year either. I have enough issues, I don't need to set myself up for more failure. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My cousin had a baby girl last month. I haven't met her yet.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My friend Dougal. It was tough, because I was just getting to know him, and then, that was that. 

A few other people that I know/knew passed away this year. I had lost touch with most of them...not sure if that makes it easier or harder when you hear about someone's death.

5. What countries did you visit? 

I went to Cuba for the first time. Other than that, all of my travelling has been done in Canada. 

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Money. Confidence. More money. The ability to just relax and let things happen. 

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

December 15th, I quit smoking. November 6th, I left Regina. September 29th and  30th...leaving the apartment. October 26th...last day working at the group home. My JP gave me a kiss on the cheek twice, proving to me that not only does she know exactly what is going on, but that we were buds, and it wasn't all in my head. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I didn't do much this year in the way of achievement, but I finally quit smoking, after years of wishing that I could. 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Leaving Regina and not attending to unfinished business.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I hurt myself daily, and luckily nothing serious came of my clumsiness this year. 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Mod Podge Dimensional Magic glaze....and my beautiful 2007 Ford F-150. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

No one that I can think of. 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Other than my own? Well, honestly, I'm sure they know who they are, and I'm not getting into that here. I've moved on.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills. Credit cards. Loans. Rent. Cigarettes. Not necessarily in that order. 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to Cuba. Our annual Canada Day camping trip. Celebrating my 1st wedding anniversary. Moving away. 

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

That goddamn horrible "Tic Toc" Kesha song. I fucking hate that ugly talentless blankedy, blank blank. GO.AWAY.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? This time last year, I was still unaware as to how hard the whole year was going to be. We were rolling in money, and had everything we could want. I think I'm happier now though.
b) thinner or fatter? I think that I'm thinner, but I'm still pretty fat.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer. So much poorer. Ugh. 

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

I wish I would have saved some money when I had the chance. I wish I would have kept in touch with friends, instead of just letting myself fall out of touch. I wish I would have flossed more, because I think I have a couple cavities.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Bitching and complaining. Being negative gets you nowhere. 

20. How did you spend Christmas?

My husband and I went to a friends house here in Victoria. We spent the day eating and watching "Supernatural."

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

I was already in love, with my husband. However I did find love in Mod Podge Dimensional Magic, and I fell madly in love with the ocean. 

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I would have to say Big Love and Glee. This second season of Glee isn't really all that great though. I'm looking forward to Big Love starting up again for it's last season this month. I'm really curious as to how they are going to end it. 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I don't hate people. I say I hate people, but that's only because I'm overly dramatic most of the time. Hate is a very strong word. This past year I have grown apart from many, many people that I considered friends. Lost contact with some altogether, both on their end and on mine. I've gotten into fights with family members, but I'm sure that will heal itself in time. Not going to The Pub all the time, and then announcing we were moving, brought out the worst in some people that I had previously thought of as friends. I was shocked and hurt by some of it, but I know that people change, situations change, and you just have to keep on, keepin' on. I am no longer angry with the people who talked behind my back, or didn't support me.  I truly just don't care anymore. 

24. What was the best book you read?

I read a shit ton of books this year. So many, I can't even remember half of them. My friend Jen got me hooked on a couple young adult book series, and my favorite was The Immortals series. I think I got four books in, in about a week. They are most definitely not literary masterpieces, but they were entertaining as hell, and I didn't have to think much to get through them. 2010 was all about finding ways not to use my brain. 

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I re-discovered my love for the band Arrested Development at the Regina Folk Festival in August. The were amazing live, and their set with my hero Buffy Ste. Marie was mind-blowing. 

26. What did you want and get?

I wanted to see Buffy Ste. Marie perform, and I did. I wanted to come to Victoria, and I did that. I wanted to get rid of my credit card debt, and I made that happen. 

27. What did you want and not get?

A huge chunk of money handed to me, no strings attached. Also I didn't get a hover car. 

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't watch a lot of movies this year. The past couple years I haven't really been interested in going to the theatre very much, and if it wasn't for my husband, or the group home, I probably wouldn't have even rented any. Nothing stuck out in my mind, I actually had to Google "movies from 2010" to jog my memory. Of all the movies on the list I found, I have seen two of them. I have heard about pretty much all of them, but only watched two. So, between Alice and Wonderland and The Runaways, I choose The Runaways as my favorite film of the year. But Alice in Wonderland was a close second. 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

On January 25th, 2010 I turned 31. My husband and I spent the day getting drunk at a swim up pool bar in Varadero, Cuba, joking with the bartender, a girl from Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, and a couple from Chile who didn't know much English, and we didn't know much Spanish, but I learned that when you are drunk as fuck in your bathing suits, you are already speaking the same language. Before we got totally wasted on pina coladas, my husband had made reservations for supper, and got flowers and champagne delivered to our room. Unfortunately, we both kind of blacked out and don't really remember our fancy dinner, but I'm sure it was lovely. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I hate to say it, but if we had more money, and weren't constantly worrying about how to pay the bills, the whole year would have been better. Noticing a theme here yet? 

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

If I wasn't wearing sweat pants and a tank top, I was wearing a summer dress. My entire wardrobe is sweat pants and dresses. 

32. What kept you sane?

Smyrish. Yes, I bug him about driving me insane a whole lot, but if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have made it through this year. 

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I hate them all equally, but if those Glee kids are on the cover of a trashy tabloid magazine, I'm probably going to buy it. 

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I don't know if it was a political issue or not, but it really pissed me off when people just stopped caring about what was going on in Haiti after a few weeks. Once the telethons were done, and the celebrities moved on to a different cause, you didn't hear much about what was going on. The people of Haiti have it worse than anyone right now, and they need help. 

35. Who did you miss?

There was a break-up of sorts early in 2010. Our large group of drinking buddies split up into smaller cliques and started going their separate ways. I missed having a large group of friends and acquaintances to spend my days with. Even though I learned who I can trust, who my real friends are....I miss the days of laughing and drinking and singing with 45 of my closest friends. 

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Even though I know nothing about him, other than he likes dogs, Junior, the bartender at The Pub, was my favorite new person of the year. I didn't go there very often, but when I did, he always made me laugh my fool head off. 

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

You gotta do what you feel is real. 

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

How about a video instead?