Jul 25, 2007

Open Letter to The Weather

Dear Heat Wave,

I love you. I love you way more than the cold snap that was the eight months of winter. But Jeebus Cracker, I need to fucking sleep. I cannot bear to be this sweaty anymore, when there isn't anyone in my bed making me this sweaty. Truthfully, the thought of having another human's body heat in my bed makes me sick.

Satisfied? You have not only made me sleep deprived, physically uncomfortable and smelly, you have driven all the horny out of me.

You have the devil in you.



P.S. Don't go anywhere, just give me a damn air conditioner if you're going to stick around for all eternity.

Jul 23, 2007

It is Too Hot to Be at This Computer, So Here's a Quick List

10 Things That Made This Weekend Kick Royal Ass

1. Taking my mom out to The Pub to meet my friends!

2. Getting to visit with Yeldarb and Schmeed and Army Jeff!

3. Gorging at the Super Happy Fun buffet!

4. Super spontaneous day trip to MJ, just 'cause we didn't know what else to do with our Saturday!

5. Spending too much money on a beautiful new hippie dress when I was supposed to be in the shop to buy ice cream!

6. Hunting for fish and chips, and then settling for tacos.

7. Lazing at the beach all day Sunday!

8. Relaxing pints on Sunday evening, to re-cap the weekend.

9. Getting to bed early last night, even if it was only because of the heat stroke.

10. The fact that I crammed drinking, 2 road trips, numerous visits with out-of-towners that I love, shopping, flirting and a whole lot more into one weekend, while in the company of my fantabulous friends.

Jul 19, 2007

I'm Schmooze-tastic!

I am extremely honored to have received my first blogging award for "Having the Power of Schmooze". I received the award from the super fantastic Madame Diva, who upon presenting me with the award, said the gosh-darn nicest things about me, and she hasn't even had the chance to drink pints with me yet. Just wait til she sees me schmooze up close and personal!

I am very proud of my ability to schmooze, as this talent has helped me win friends, jobs, and interesting conversations with strangers, so I have decided to award bloggers who are just as friendly, and have proven to me, their schmoozing ability.

The award was created over at Ordinary Folk, which you should go and check out asap, if only to see "Gummy the Lovesick Alien".

The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs of people that you think are great schmoozers, conversationalists, or commenter's

2. Link to original post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme and receive their award,

3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Schmoozer Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

And the winners are........

The Palinode. I have been lucky enough to be able to schmooze with this cool cat up close and personal for many years, but when I cannot be in his presence, I stalk him on his blog to see how his adventures with Proust are going, and to guffaw with laughter over the dialogues he has with his wife. Never a dull moment, over at Palinode's Palace.

Dawnzer-Lee Light. I stumbled upon Dawn while snooping around my Vox neighbor's links, late one night, and I have been hooked ever since. She's smart and sassy, and always makes me think. And from what I can tell, she enjoys a drink now and again, just like me, so we'd probably have a good time together if our paths ever crossed!

Jenifer, from Nutcase 101
I can't remember who found who, but it was love at first read for me. This girl reminds me so much of myself, but in reading her entries, makes me think she has her shit together a wee bit more than I do, like most people. I'm rooting for ya Jen!

The Girl Who...... Maybe it's just her beautifully written stories about her and Serge, or maybe it's her keen sense of humour, or maybe it's because her life just seems to be so damn interesting, but I can't stop reading. This girl appears to totally kick ass.

What's That Smell? I think it's her beautiful pictures of Saskatchewan summers as of late that have really caught my attention, but I have been perusing this ladies blog for awhile now, and it never lets me down. Plus, she likes camping. All campers are A+ in my books.

And that's that. Congratulations to the winners, but please, don't let this distinction go to your head.

Have a good day everyone!

Jul 18, 2007

The Golden Dogs!!!

I had been looking forward to this show for months. Well, ever since the last time they were going to play at The Pub, and they were sadly sent away, for reasons I will not discuss here.

But luckily, fences were mended, and they were asked to come back and play, and they accepted!

The Golden Dogs put on the best show The Pub has seen since Priestess played there years ago, in my opinion. High energy, catchy Sloan-like beats, a sexy talented lady banging on her keyboard and classic rock guitar riffs kept everyone singing and dancing and bopping around. I couldn't stop frickin' smiling and moving from the second they went on, and considering I was almost falling asleep on the patio after a day at the beach, that says a lot.

I loved it so much, I am now considering driving all the way to Ness, just to see them play again this weekend.....but if that doesn't pan out, I am just going to cross my fingers, and hope that they had as much fun as the crowd had, and return to The Pub sooner than later.

These kids are going to be big, and when they are, I'll be first in line to actually pay for a ticket.

Keep on rockin' in the free world, Golden Dogs!!

Jul 16, 2007

Molly Magoo...Where Are You???

Growing up on the farm, I have had countless animals, and all of them either took off into the wild blue yonder one day, were eaten by the neighbors dogs, had to be shot, drank anti-freeze, or lived a long life, finally succumbing to old age. I always just went and found another animal, whether my parents wanted me to or not (usually not). There was always a stray cat, dog, or a bird's nest to look after, if only for a couple days.

I am seriously re-thinking my decision to allow Molly to go outside with Trance once in awhile.

A few weeks ago, during a BBQ with friends, I was convinced to let her out and about in the yard. I carried her outside, and she freaked out, scratching the shit out me, scared out of her wits. A few minutes later however, she ran across the neighbor's yard, happy and scrappy, and at that moment, I was sure I was never going to see her again. But alas, she came back, and after a few trips outside, she figured out where her territory was, and was quite happy, chasing birds and bugs and eating the neighbor's flowers and grass.

Maybe she was a little too happy outside. Soon enough, I had to have eyes in the back of my head, because when I wasn't looking, she was sneaking out the door, and the windows, even when it meant that she had to knock over everything on the window sill, and make her body flat, and snake-like to get out.

I last saw her Thursday night. We were sitting in the back yard, and I grabbed both cats, and threw them in the house, telling them it was past their bedtime. Seconds later, the two of them came prancing past us, looking at me, with a look that can only be described as "You can't keep us captive, bitch." It took me awhile to figure out what window they had escaped from, and put it back together as best I could, and threw them in the house once again.

Friday morning, Trance yelled at me for breakfast and water, and Molly was nowhere to be found. Being in a rush to get to work, I didn't think much of it, and ran out of the house myself. When I arrived home that night, I still couldn't find her, but I wasn't worried yet...maybe she had been let out, or maybe she was in the basement or something.

By Saturday, I was getting worried though. Not having her biting my toes, eating my hair and cuddling with me when I arrived home from work, was sad. My day to day life was missing something. I kept an eye out all weekend, and there was no sign of Miss Molly Magoo.

So, this morning, I called the Humane Society, to see if someone had turned her in. Of course, they were closed, so I called Animal Protection. They told me that since she was tattooed, if she had been turned in, dead or alive, someone would have called me by now. Then they gave me shit for letting my kitty outside on such a busy street, and asked me to make a donation. I hung up.

I have not been having much luck, owning pets in the city. Although it will be hard, if Molly Magoo is gone for good, I will not get another cat. I am not home enough, and I ALWAYS choose the homeless kitty that has a mind of her own, and a taste for adventure. Not once have I owned a cat that just wanted to lay around all day and lick their ass. I always end up with a cat that is just like me....wanting to be on the go and causing trouble.

If Molly has passed on, or has taken off to start another life, that's heart-breaking. However, she is an animal, and maybe The House of Pain just wasn't her bag. Her existence began on the street, and maybe that's where she feels she belongs...she always was a bit of a gangsta. I can only hope she'll write home once in awhile, telling me of her adventures.

Jul 11, 2007

Just One Step Closer to Being a Soccer Mom

My first car payment went screeching out of my bank account this morning. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt as much as I had expected it to, although I did have a brief moment of panic, when I calculated how much beer and cigarettes I am going to miss out on. But it's not that bad....this new car is affordable, even for me, and I think that I am in love with it. Maybe I'll marry it, even.

I have always hated automobiles. However, I think that I only hated them so much, because I never drove anything all that reliable. Sure, most of the time, those cars got me from Point A to Point B, and they came in handy when I had to lug wheelchairs and autistic folk around town for my job. However, I was always a little on edge driving around town with my guys, because well, it's not like they could help me push the car to the side of the road or anything, and I didn't want them to have to hitchhike with me back to somewhere safe. You should see how excited the ladies at the group home are, now that Abigail has a new set of wheels!

I always swore that I would never, ever get a car that I needed to make redonkulous payments on for the rest of my life, because a vehicle was just not that important. Making payments on a house, or a loan for travel made sense....but when you can buy a car from some farmer for a couple hundred bucks, and drive it until it dies, who needs a new one?

Apparently, I did. I woke up one morning, and headed out to the backyard for my coffee and cigarette. Gazing upon my car that was up on blocks, I just thought, "Fuck it", and made the decision not to put any more money or time into the rusting heap of metal. I paid $1000 for it, and in the two years I owned it, I sunk about $2000 or more into it to keep it going just one more day. After it was stolen, it was in even worse shape, and I just knew that I was in a losing battle.

I called on Das Piper, and we made plans to go and find a car the next day. When we arrived at the Honda dealership, I looked over and saw the Ford. I wanted it. It just called to me. I think it even winked and said, "Come over here babe, let's go for a test drive." I did what it told me to do.

As soon as we hit the highway, I knew it was true love. We looked at a few other cars throughout the day, but in the end, I went right back to my first choice. My gut told me, it was the right thing to do.

We went for a few beers, and waited to see if my credit came through for me.

When the car salesman called, and said I could pick it up later that afternoon, everyone rejoiced! Abigail had a car. It's a big step for me, one that made me feel a bit like an adult.

It's been a dream, thus far, this car. It is better than some apartments I've lived in. It was fantastic for camping, shit, I could put a kayak on top of it, if need be. During the heat wave of last week, I even thought of putting a mattress in the back, and living in it, since it had air-conditioning, and the House of Pain did not. The stereo kicks ass, and my stereo inside the house, has bitten the dust. It's just exactly what I needed, and it feels like it suits me.

And that's the story of the car, my new favorite toy. Ye olde Oldsmobile is still sitting out back, waiting for me to send it to the junkyard in the sky, and it will be on its way next week, I am thinking. It was a good run for Mabel and I, but Mabel #2 is just more reliable. If I could find a boyfriend as reliable as Mabel #2, I'd be rockin'.

Jul 10, 2007

I Was Tagged by Jenifer and Schmutzie!!!

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

Vaguetarian Tea Room

Sugar and Lard

Kate in the Kitchen

A Byootaful Life

Abigail's Road to Nowhere

Next, select five people to tag:

DK, from WenchWire

Knuckle Toes


Madame Diva

Juke Box Hero

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I had just graduated from high school, so I guess I was waitressing at a couple of diners, partying every night, and trying to figure out how to get out of SmallTown, on top of feeling heartbroken about the inevitable break-up that was going to happen with my high school boyfriend, and trying to figure out the meaning of my pitiful teenage existence. Life was good, back then.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

One year ago, I fell madly in love with Mr. Head, and was enjoying all the summer nights partying with friends at The Pub and in the backyard at the House of Pain. Life was good, back then.....and not much different than life now, except that I am only in lust with someone now......*sigh*

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Cheese!!!

2. Popcorn. Always better if it's air-popped.

3. Green olives.

4. Hawkin's Cheezies

5. Cucumber slices.

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

1. Baby Got Back- Sir Mix A-Lot

2. Mercedes Benz - Janis Joplin

3. American Pie - Don MacLean

4. Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash

5. Tiny Cities Made of Ash - Modest Mouse

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. Pay off all my debts and the debts of my immediate family.

2. Buy my mom a house and a new car.

3. Purchase an acreage, on which I would live Spring through Fall.

4. Travel, travel, travel...everywhere!

5. Buy a little shop, where I would sell all of my friends creations, and give jobs to people who needed it.

Five bad habits:

1. Pulling out my eyebrows.

2. Biting my finger nails.

3. Smoking.

4. Not keeping in touch with people who are unable to be within arm's reach on any given day.

5. Daydreaming and not doing anything productive about said dreams.

Five things you like doing:

1. Laughing and drinking with my friends.

2. Having morning coffee in the sunshine, with a good book.

3. Playing Scrabble.

4. Shakin' my booty.

5. Singing.

Five things you would never wear again:

1. Spandex!

2. Acid wash jeans!

3. Mini-skirts over leggings!

4. Chain wallet!

5. Horizontal stripes!

Five favorite toys:

1. My cameras!

2. My new car!

3. My frisbee!

4. My sewing machine!

5. My Goodie Box...it's full of fun toys! *giggle giggle*

Jul 9, 2007

Dear Monday,

Last night, I was hoping that you would never arrive, and that I could just continue on drinking and laughing in the back yard, like I had been doing for the 48 hours prior to your arrival. However, after I awoke this afternoon, after a cool, comfortable sleep, I realized that I needed you to show up, and send me back to work. Sure, holidays and days off are fun, but if you don't have something to do once in awhile, you just don't feel like you've earned those days off, and all that fun.

Or maybe that's just me.

I may as well go back to work today, and be productive. It's raining, and the heat wave of the past week seems to be taking a break. Good timing on Nature's part, I say....I think that if it hadn't been raining when I woke up, I would have been trying to find a reason not to go back to work.

Yup, so here I am. One more hour, and my holidays are over. Think I'm going to drink some coffee, and reflect on the wonderful weekend that has just past, while praying for a hot day on Wednesday, when I will grab a book, a coffee, and hit the back patio once again.



Jul 6, 2007

Don't Call On Me....

Apparently, when I have arrived home from the bar, to a hot, sweaty (and not in a sexy way) house, strip off my clothes, and start watching "Night Heat" while drinking leftover Malibu and mango juice, it takes me way too long to find my pants, or any pants for that matter, in order to run outside and catch the fuckers who are smashing car windows.

Damn you East Side Teddy, you win again.

But, you didn't smash my window, 'cause you saw me accidentally hit the alarm button when I was trying to push "door lock", when I got home. Yup, I saw you, you little fucker. And you will probably never come near my house again, now that you saw me run out my front door, half-dressed and pissed off, ready to kick some hooligan ass.

'Cause I roll like dat.

Jul 4, 2007

At Least I'm Doing Better Than Nick Shilloff

Every time I go home to SmallTown for a visit, there is always some bit of juicy gossip that I hear about the entire time I am there. SmallTown gossip kicks City gossips ass.

This past weekend, while we were camping at the lake, a plow wind hit SmallTown. We were very lucky that the storm didn't hit so bad at The Lake, seeing as we were in tents and all. The next day, as friends and family came to visit, they all had the same story to tell. Nick Shilloff died. He was hit by the golf cart tent and dragged to his death.

It reminded me of a death that would have been played out on the show 'Dead Like Me', and I pictured little gremlins loosening up the tie-downs on the tent, and giggling menacingly as the wind picked up and poor Nick tried to grab hold to save it, just like any good golfer would want to.

Even though I giggled about the way he left this world, I felt bad for poor Nick Shilloff. I never knew him, I don't think anyone really did. Apparently he was a bachelor, who kind of kept to himself. Nothing special about him, just a regular guy, someone whom nobody talked about until the day he died.

But here I am, a few days later, thinking that that's a way that I would like to go. Leave this world with a bang, give the locals something to talk about. For ever and ever, until the end of SmallTown, people will be talking about Nick Shilloff. The frickin' guy is now famous. Dying in your sleep, seems so boring...but getting dragged to your death by a tent...that's something to talk about!

The event of this past weekend has even spawned a new saying...

Person #1: "Blah Blah Blah, life sucks, Blah Blah Blah..."
Person #2: "Well, at least you're doing better than Nick Shilloff"

He could very well turn into some sort of pop-culture reference.

So, Nick, while you're looking down on us, from that grand golf course in the sky, I hope that you're laughing about how you went, and proud about how damn infamous you are now. Everyone wants to be remembered once they are gone, and dammit boy, you definitely will be.

Jul 3, 2007

Camping Trip 2007

We all returned home last night, safe and sound, after our annual Canada Day Weekend camping extravaganza at The Lake.

It was a good time had by all, and aside from a couple of injuries due to horse-play, playground equipment, slipping on the rocks while skinny-dipping, a fall into the fire, and a lost wallet, there was no major drama, and the weekend was one of fun and games and relaxation.

We ate, drank and were merry as all hell for 3 nights, we met new friends, and bonded with old ones, we sang and laughed, and had good times at the beach. You just can't go wrong, on a weekend like that.

Although I'm not too happy about being back in The City, at least I have today off to finish unpacking, and get myself prepared for the week ahead. I actually feel lucky to have a ton of things to do around the house today, because I do need something to occupy me, while I wait for the darling Palinode to telephone me, so I can go and help his wonderful wife Schmutzie get home safe and sound after her big day o' surgery. If I didn't have anything to keep my mind occupied, I would be worrying and pacing all day, I am sure.

And on that note, I have got to deal with my one thousand mosquito bites, and wash my sleeping bag before they call.

Thanks for the uber-fantasic weekend everyone! Can't wait til next year!!!!

*For more camping info, read Knuckle Toes' entry about it.