Sep 30, 2009

My Master Cleanse

Ever since we got back from our holiday, my body has not been too happy with me. I partied less this past summer than any summer in the history of me, but I could still feel the effects of living off BBQ's and beer, and letting myself slide when it came to the exercise routine I had been so vigilant about the Fall, Winter and Spring before.

Even though I had continuous compliments on my looks, my new hair, and the ever so annoying " My, you look like you've lost weight!" comment was plentiful, I knew that I had gained about 20 pounds this summer, and my body in general just felt like shit. And compliments are hard to take, when you know that they could be false statements, made just to make you feel better.

My weight has been a constant hot topic with everyone I know, and myself, for years now. I have spent the past month or so, really thinking about why I got fat, and let myself get even fatter. It isn't that I live off junk food, and don't exercise. I eat healthy foods for the most part, and I am forced to be active every day at work with my job. After talking with Wench on a couple occasions, I started to realize what the REAL problems were, and felt empowered in a way, to finally know what the hell my problems are, and have been. I was finally ready to take control of myself, learn to let the past go, and get myself healthy.

I was talking to a friend last weekend, about The Master Cleanse. She was doing a seven day stint, and although it was hard, she was very pleased with the results. She wasn't doing it to lose weight, because she's already teensy, however she did lose quite a bit anyways. She said she felt better, being able to get all the crap (literally) out of her system, and as I listened to her talk about how she wanted to better her eating habits once she was done, I just couldn't help but jump on that bandwagon. I needed to do something, and a cleanse, no matter how hard, would be a good place to start from scratch.

A few days later, she took me shopping for all my organic ingredients, and I started to mentally prepare myself for no food for a week.

On Monday night, I ate my last meal, of leftover couscous and veggie ground round, and tuna on a whole wheat bagel, and we called Film Star over to collect all the perishable food we had left in the house so there were no temptations, and no worrying on my part about wasting food.

Mornings are hard for me on the best of days. But waking up yesterday, and realising that I could not have coffee before I started my 16 hour day of work, was soul-crushing . I grumbled and bitched, and stumbled on my feet and words, as I made my Lemonade drink, and headed to work.

It was a long day. The caffeine withdrawal was so intense, that I kept getting flashbacks of Trainspotting, and that damn baby crawling on the ceiling...praying that it wouldn't happen to me. Luckily, it didn't. I was just a bitch all day, and everyone had to deal with it.

I rarely eat more than one meal a day, so I thought that giving up food would be easy peasy. However, at work my job is to cook meals and snacks for the residents...and I cook them some fantastic meals if I do say so myself. I never realized until yesterday, how much "taste-testing" I do when I cook for them. It was incredibly hard not to take a nibble here, a taste there....I wanted to try the meal I had cooked so badly, that I literally had to stop myself from licking their plates when they were done.

Once that passed, I was fine. I had a few hunger pangs, but nothing that a big glass of water wouldn't cure.

I came home and had my organic laxative tea, and went to bed.

This morning, I was extremely disappointed in the lack of explosive bowel movement. Everything I had read, said to be prepared for the intense colon cleansing that goes on. True, I have yet to do the Sea Salt Water Chug, which I will try on Friday, but I thought that the laxative on an empty stomach would give me something to talk about. Ah well, there's always tomorrow!

For those who are wondering what I am consuming....

The Lemonade

2 litres of distilled water
14 tablespoons of organic maple syrup
14 tablespoons of organic lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon of cayenne pepper

I break that up into three bottles, so I have three "meals" a day. I also drink as much water as I can, and 2 cups of Organic Over-night Relief Laxative tea before bed.

I will keep you posted on how the rest of the week goes.

Sep 21, 2009


I can't decide if I should buy tickets for the Stone Temple Pilots show here in November. I loved them in high school, but would they be any good now? I just don't know.

Sep 20, 2009

Hangover Days

If I was to have a threesome, it would be with Jason Collett and Feist. If I wasn't married of course. But I am married, so the threesome would be me, my husband and Mr. Collett.

Sep 15, 2009

Grace in Small Things #30

1. Went to aquacise last night, and am going again in about 30 minutes.

2. Having friends to exercise with. Makes it easier to get up and go after work, or in the mornings!

3. The dog urinating on his pee pads ( but still pooping right beside them! argh!)

4. Bandanas on bad hair days.

5. "I Love You, Man"....I laughed my balls off, just like Smyrish said I would.

Sep 13, 2009

Sep 12, 2009

Liquor Store Run

I've been really missing my dad the past couple days for some reason, and then this song* came on in the car while I was running around doing errands this afternoon. Sheesh. Talk about an emotional liquor store run.

* I realize this video is about her mom, but to me, the lyrics applied to me and my dad.

Sep 9, 2009

What I Did in California and Nevada on my End of Summer Vacation

My entire life, I have heard stories about Los Angeles. Most stories involved tales of the horrible smog, the insane drivers, the freeway, gangs, and the like. Everything I read, was the opposite. I read of poets, musicians, old Hollywood starlets, and hippies and lived vicariously through their stories of fame and fortune, drugs, love and good times on the Sunset Strip and Venice Beach.

Luckily, the latter was what I experienced for the most part. There was constant smoke on the horizon, due to the wildfires, but I didn't notice any smog. The traffic was a bit scary at first, but we quickly got the hang of it. And everyone we came across was friendly and helpful. Even the crackheads were lively, and welcomed us to Hollywood.

The beginning of our trip started out rocky. My one and only complaint about The States, would have to be their definition of a "debit card". Going on vacation, and finding out that the little card that holds all of your money is useless, is a scary and frustrating feeling. Luckily, we got it worked out to some degree.....Smyrish put money on my Visa ( which in the U.S, is a debit card), and we were able to use our debit cards at the ATM machines to get cash ( our debit cards are called ATM cards).

Once we had money, we were good to go, even though, by then, we had missed the Ween concert, and were frustrated beyond belief. So, we found Knuckle Toes, drank some Malibu at her hostel, and went to bed.

For me, being in Hollywood was amazing. It is one place, that when I was younger, I figured I would live, even though, that obviously didn't happen ( neither did my idea of living in Paris and drinking myself to death right after my best-selling novel came out). Seeing all of the places that I had read and day-dreamed about was almost as over-whelming as realizing just how huge Los Angeles is.

However, a city is a city, and after a couple days of wandering in the intense heat, and catching the Nine Inch Nails show, I was ready to get away from the craziness.

Smyrish and I finally got a rental car, and got the heck outta Dodge.

We went to the Santa Monica Pier. The second we got there, I felt chilled out. Coming from Saskatchewan, where the ocean is nowhere to be seen, and summer was only about a month long this year, it felt like I had just arrived in heaven. Smyrish took me on the roller coaster, on which I had a mild panic attack, and then we splashed about in the water, ate hot dogs and cheese on sticks, and had an all around good time. We also went back there for our last night...and got drunk on girl drinks before sitting on the beach and watching the waves.

The next day, we hopped in the car, and headed to Las Vegas, in search of Smyrish's mom, hoping we could surprise her, and do supper. We never did get ahold of her, but we decided to spend the night. I had never been to Vegas, and never had actually planned on going there, due to the fact that I don't gamble. However, I am a huge fan of stories of "Old Vegas", and CSI, so it was super neat to be there. I even ended up gambling...spent 4 bucks on the penny slots and won $23.00, which bought us a couple drinks down on Fremont, before we headed back to the strip and checked out an oxygen bar. I am definitely going to pressure some friends to plan a trip to Vegas in the future....we would have a blast!

When we got back from Vegas, the next destination was Venice Beach.

We were there approximately one minute, before I decided that I never wanted to leave. Venice Beach was what my brain told me California was all about. Buskers, muscle men, hippies selling their wares, surfers.....that is exactly what I wanted to see and experience. I swam in the ocean for the first time in my life ( I have been to oceans before, but tend to vacation to them when they're bloody cold), and couldn't get enough. We wandered about the markets after the beach, and then took a drive up the Pacific Coast Highway.....a lovely day all around.

Overall, even with the bumps in the road, it has been a fantastic week. If nothing else, going to somewhere with a warm climate cemented in my head that I need to get away from Saskatchewan. I love it, but I can no longer deal with the weather that makes me all bi-polar and crazy and sad and depressing and so on. Our brains are full of life plans now....who knows what we'll end up doing, or end up going, but at least California taught us that we don't have to settle for what we have.

For now, I am counting down the days until our official month long honeymoon to Cuba. That may seem ridiculous, but January always comes much too fast.

Grace in Small Things #29

1. Catching up on Pocket Buddha.

2. Picking up Patches, and realizing that he doesn't hate me for leaving him for a week.

3. Coming home and finding some Stella Artois on the counter.

4. Hearing that my super fantastic cousin may be moving to The City next month.

5. A surprise visit from AJ, Bink and Mr. Bink before we left for California.

6. Finally, after 4 summers of searching, finding a cowboy hat that fits my small head. Just had to go all the way to Venice Beach to find it. Hopefully I don't lose it by next summer.