Jan 29, 2008

Pondering the Weather

Sometimes, I really have to wonder what made anyone want to settle here. Did their wagon lose a wheel half way to the coast, and they just thought, "Ah, fuck it, we'll deal."? Back in the day, this city was just a big mass of clay and dirt, not a tree for miles. Who in the world thought this was an ideal place to live? The old country must have been really, really bad, for this to look good.

I knew it was cold last night when I went to work. I figured it was around 40 below. The snow was blowing so badly, I couldn't see the streets, and I just prayed that nothing was in front of me as I plowed through. Half way there, a man was standing right in the frickin' middle of the road. Just standing there. I thought for a second that I should just run him over for being so incredibly stupid, but instead I just veered around him, and yelled "Dude! Get off the way!!!" as I drove by. When I got to work, I had to wonder what was up with him. Maybe he was frozen solid, and couldn't move. I somewhat hope that nobody smoked him off.

It was -53 degrees with the windchill this morning, when I started getting ready to send the ladies to work. I thought of keeping them home, but I figured, if I had to work, so did they. But seriously, how cold does it have to get before the city just issues a statement, tells everyone to make a quick run to the liquor store, and shuts the city down? Are there people out there that are really shopping today? Going to restaurants? The movies? If so, you're all fucking crazy.

Myself, I'm staying in. I'm putting on my pj's, crawling into bed, and staying there. Well, at least until shortly before midnight when I have to go back to work.

LVGurl Interviews Abigail Road

It was my turn yesterday, to be interrogated for Neil's Great Interview Experiment. The lovely LVGurl asked some great questions, and I hope I gave some great answers. Go on over to her blog to check out the interview.

Neilochka, this was a fantastic idea. You really are making all of us feel like we are somebody. Thank you.

Jan 26, 2008

Abigail Interviews Mrs. Mogul

Neil over at Citizen of the Month, had a fabulous idea to get bloggers to interview other bloggers in The Great Interview Experiment. He wanted to give everyone a chance to feel like they were important, that they were somebody, and also gave us all a chance to get to know someone new, that perhaps we would never have stumbled upon in the vast InterWeb. Below, is my interview with Mrs. Mogul. After going through her archives a wee bit, and getting the answers to these questions, I have decided I want her to be my new best friend. She is just so....cool.

Abigail Road: You are waiting for the writer's strike to end. How exactly has this affected you?

Mrs. Mogul : Well, not too bad actually. I watch Project Runway so no writers needed to script the cattiness going on in that show!

Abigail Road: Why did you start blogging?

Mrs. Mogul: One night I was sitting at home in London and kept seeing the word Blog online. I had no idea what it really was and then in a few days was hooked. It became a hobby and I loved writing and sharing my personal stories. Besides, what better way to be narcissistic? :)

Abigail Road: How did you meet Mr. Mogul?

Mrs. Mogul: Oh we had the same friend in NYC. Mr. Mogul would visit a lot and we would all hang out and party.This is in 2000. He actually heard my voice before we met. In 1999 I was being interviewed on a London radio station and Mr. Mogul had heard it and remembered me from the interview! A short story about that time was published early last year in a book of anthologies. Anyway, he ended up surprising me with a kiss at the Armani A/X store party and that's when we "hooked up"!

Abigail Road: You have met a ton of celebrities. Who is the most memorable and why?

Mrs. Mogul: Tom Cruise. We had the longest conversation and no, he didn't jump on the couch. It was at the after party for Pulp Fiction and there were like 40 celebs and me in a tiny restaurant in NYC. I was drunk and Tom and I yapped about his newly adopted daughter and his upcoming film. Nicole Kidman was there and at the time I thought she was the ice queen because she didn't smile or anything. She interrupted our conversation and said, "Tom..let's go!" Well it was 3am in the morning so I will excuse her. I found Tom so nice and friendly! Plus, he never slipped me a card about joining Scientology!

The second memorable time was when my friend took me to a party in NYC and the girl who opened the door was Lisa Loeb. It was a birthday party at her apt. I blogged about that too!

Abigail Road: C'mon, give me one juicy piece of celebrity gossip that you know of.

Mrs. Mogul: A friend of mine years ago, (he was a dancer) went with his friend to Madonna's apartment in Central Park West. Madonna and the guys SMOKED POT that afternoon! The next day he told me all about it and said Madonna would have loved me. I was pissed because he should have invited me!!

Abigail Road: What was your favorite thing about living in London?

Mrs. Mogul: The shopping! Especially King's Road. It's all cute boutiques!

Abigail Road: Is there anything that you used to do, that you just don't/can't do anymore, now that you are a mom? Do you miss it?

Mrs. Mogul: Party at the most fabulous nyc clubs! But then I'm getting older so why should I care? I did go to my friends' new club in Manhattan during our xmas trip. It was fun going out without the baby!

Abigail Road: Did you have any imaginary friends as a child? If so, what were they like? Does Baby Mogul have any?

Mrs. Mogul: Haha ! What a question! I still have imaginary friends! I invite them over for tea once in awhile.

Abigail Road: Not to be morbid, but if you were given 6 months to live, how would you spend those 6 months?

Mrs. Mogul: Traveling and shopping!! Spending it all!

Abigail Road: If you could be doing anything you wanted, anywhere in the world, right here and now, what would you be doing?

Mrs. Mogul: At the moment I would want to produce or maybe script a tv show. I really miss working in tv and may go back in the near future.

Jan 25, 2008

Someone, Please, Play me The Beatles.

It is almost 4:00am.

I have a beautiful boy, sound asleep in my bed. I think. Maybe he's listening to me typing.

I have tons of Shiraz and Pinot Grigio in the kitchen, and in my belly.

I don't want to go to sleep.

I cannot sleep. I feel much too awake.

If I go to sleep, I will wake up, and be almost thirty.

I will have to sleep at some point, but for now, I will just mooch a cigarette off of the V-Man, and pretend, in my head, that I am sixteen.

Jan 22, 2008

29 Things

A list of twenty-nine things I still want to do, and hopefully will do,at some point in life, in honor of my twenty-ninth birthday.

1. Get a new bicycle. A really rad retro bicycle.

2. Go to Mexico with friends and family.

3. See Morrissey in concert.

4. Have a baby.

5. Own a cottage on the lake shore.

6. Be a size 12 again.

7. Sing in a band just once, even back-up will do.

8. Go back to Churchill, in the spring-time.

9. See New York City.

10. Have an adventure with my mom.

11. Find the perfect bra.

12. Own a piano.

13. Make enough money to do all of these things.

14. Tattoo over the ugly scar on my leg.

15. Move out of the House of Pain, to another semi-permanent location.

16. Make money on my Etsy shop.

17. Go to Africa.

18. Go back to Paris, with money this time.

19. Write a novel.

20. Get electrolysis on my upper lip. Plucking for the rest of my life does not sound fun.

21. Learn to crotchet.

22. Go to Thailand.

23. Live in a home with a huge bath tub.

24. Learn to budget and be more responsible with my money.

25. Pay my mom back all the money I owe her.

26. Quit smoking.

27. Take a class or two, in what, I am not sure yet, just for fun.

28. Go on a road trip/camping trip to Northern Saskatchewan.

29. Have my own garden, or even learn how to keep plants alive.

Vote for me, and I'll have you over for coffee.

Jan 20, 2008

Annual January Blues

Depression is a bitch. Abigail depressed, is a bitch, literally. I hate feeling bad about feeling bad, because sometimes, you just are in a funk, and you need to wallow a bit, even if you don't have any concrete reasons about being in said funk. I just wish that I wasn't such a bother.

Yesterday, I felt old. I cried and sulked about it until finally my body couldn't take it anymore and I fell asleep. All night, crazy dreams that seemed all too real. This morning, I was excited about going for brunch with Smyrish, and then there was a mouse in the bath tub with me, and my mood just went downhill from there, which is ridiculous. I feel over-worked, left out, exhausted, and I'm pissed about not having enough time in any given day to do all the things I want to do, and see all the people I want to see, and at the same time, I just want to be alone. Bah, I hate this feeling.

Although I don't really want to go out in the cold, I'm heading out to have a drink with Wench and Becks, 'cause I need some quality girl time, and then I think I'll call Smyrish and pester him for a cuddle.

Vote for me, and I'll make all your dreams come true.

Jan 19, 2008


In seven days, on Robbie Burns Day, I will be twenty-nine. I never thought much of it, until last week, when it hit me, that although twenty-nine isn't old, it isn't like I'm going to get any younger either. First it's twenty-nine, then the big 30, then all of a sudden you're forty, and fifty, and so on. Time moves much too fast. Twenty-nine came much too fast.

My twenties were full of fun, and heartbreak and sadness and adventure. They were also chalk full of self-esteem issues, depression, money troubles, and self-loathing. If I made a list of interesting things I have done, it would be long. The list of things I wish I had done, is even longer. I am starting to think I wish I would have spent my money more wisely, and had a bit more adventure. Maybe taken a class or two. Moved away from here for awhile.

I don't really regret anything, other than some time well wasted.

I just feel that now, at twenty-nine, I am going to have to start to think differently about some things. I feel that I need to get out and do some more travelling, have some more adventures, meet some more people that I will never see again, stat, because you never know what could happen.

Maybe it's the dozens of pregnant women in my life right now, but I keep thinking, what if I got pregnant? I'm too old, to not have the baby, that would be irresponsible. I should be mature enough to deal with that, if it happened. And once you have a baby, that's that. Your personal crazy adventures come to a halt. I would have to find a house, I would have to find a way to buy everything for baby, and there wouldn't be anything left over for me, and I am not sure, but it may be frowned upon in some circles to take your newborn galavanting through Europe or Asia or something. Plus, you can't take your baby to pubs around the world. They just can't party like you can party.

Blah, here we go. I think I'm in crisis here.

Although it may seem immature to some, I like my life. I like that I can go out and get slammered on a Tuesday with all of my friends. I like that I can choose to spend way too much money at Walmart, or run off on a road trip on a whim. I like sitting at home and drinking wine in the tub. But something inside of me, is telling me that I need to stop, make a change, while the other side of me is saying "Run away! Leave for awhile, make yourself broke and have fun doing it!". I feel conflicted by my own feelings.

I'm sure this all sounds really stupid. And maybe my funk has something to do with the weather, and my lack of self-confidence at the moment, as well as the whole age thing. If nothing else, next Saturday, I'm forcing myself to go out dancing with all my friends, and I know it'll be a great time, because we always have a great time, and maybe getting out and shaking my booty a bit will help get me out of this.

Vote for me. It'll put a smile on my face.

Jan 18, 2008

New Baby in the House

The newest addition to the House of Pain family, joining the V-Man, the rat, the cat, and myself, arrived yesterday morning in a shoe box. He's fuzzy and soft, his ears drag on the floor, is a bit skittish, and has one foot that is way too big for his body. His name is Fozzy Bear.

I have spoiled him rotten already, with fancy food dishes, a new litter box, and a big cage to have fun and be safe in when I can't be home to watch him. Even if I have to leave the room for more than a few minutes, in his cage he goes, because I get so nervous. Houses have scary things in them.....stairs, electrical cords, toys that can be easily swallowed all over the floor from Baby G's last visit. I am only guessing, but this must be what new mom's feel like with their newborns. Which scares me a bit...if I am so nervous about a baby bunny, what would I be like with a human baby?

Fozzy listening.

We're still getting to know each other, and he's not into cuddling yet, but this evening he went for an adventure in the bathroom, and skated on the hard wood, and kept coming by to smell my feet, so I am sure we will be great friends soon. Maybe not as close as he is to Trance the Cat, but I am the one who brings food and hay and cleans up his poop, so he'll learn that I'm not so bad.

Fozzy sleeping. Note his huge foot. He likes to thump it. Hard.

Well, I have been at this computer too long. I have to go check on the baby, and make sure he's not eating a cord or the carpet or something. This is what my life has come to. Staying home on Friday night, to fret about a bunny.

Jan 15, 2008

Canadian Blog Awards 2007

Hey everyone! Guess what???

I've been nominated for Best Personal Blog in the Canadian Blog Awards! I am up against some stiff competition in that category, running against the likes of Schmutzie and Madame Diva ......but hey, it's just nice to be recognized.

Also, I would like to plug the blog that I nominated for Best New Blog, The Nervous Axon. Go have a read, and I'm sure you'll agree. He's smart, and funny, and dresses up as Darth Vader for pub trivia.

Go on over to the Canadian Blog Awards page and vote in round one, hopefully for me. :) You can vote once per week, 'til this whole thing-a-ma-jig is over.

With your help, maybe we'll all win something, and you can give us yet another reason to get together for pints and celebrate!

Thanks muchly!

* You do not have to be Canadian to vote.

Jan 14, 2008

Etsy Shop

My Etsy shop is up and running!
( www.abigailroad.etsy.com)

I still need to add quite a bit of items, and re-take some photos, but at least I've got it started! I also realized today, just how much I sold this summer, and I need to get sewing on my new machine, and get some bags made, as bag-making is my forte. I truly have no stock to sell.

Big thanks to Knuckle Toes for posting my goods until now, and to B-Rock for taking the time last night to give me some photography tips, and thanks in advance to The Cookster for being my model.

And now, I'm off to have a nice bath, and get this icky flu feeling off of my skin.

Jan 13, 2008

Pillow Treasure

This is what was left under my pillow......

Go ahead now, make fun. But I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. And I'm going to keep mine, and not throw it away like George did in "Dead Like Me", when she was cheezed off at the tooth fairy.

Jan 10, 2008

Fatty McFat Fat

Over the past 4 months, I have gained about 20 pounds. Not out of the ordinary for me, I can put on weight faster than you can say Fatty McFat Fat. It's a talent, a gift. But I put on a whole 10 pounds in about 2 weeks over Xmas. My clothes don't fit now, and I've been stuck wearing my fat pants from a few years ago, just so I can breathe. Every time I leave the house, I pray for Stacy and Clinton to pop out of nowhere and whiz me to New York to teach me how to dress and take me shopping.

No matter how much I have weighed, I've never really known how to dress myself appropriately. When I was younger, and skinny (and thinking I was fat! Arghh, how I hate the thought of that!), it was the age of grunge rock and skater clothes. I either wore my clothes 5 sizes too big, or I was layered beyond belief ( long underwear under shorts, long sleeved shirts under tank tops, cardigans....I've never been able to give up the Value Village cardigans). I never did my hair, because a toque could be worn year-round, and hats and messy pig-tails could pass as somewhat fashionable. I look at photos of myself now, and those clothes made me look way bigger than I actually was. But damn, I was cool. Today, those clothes that were 5 sizes too big, would probably either fit me properly, or be too tight on me now.

As I started to gain weight, and turn into a Ukrainian baba, I moved to big skirts, and long shirts, to cover my disgusting pudge. Having been someone who always dressed a bit different than the norm, and wouldn't know trendy if trendy hit her in the face, I felt okay, being covered, and dressing all hippie-ish. The only skin I like to show, is my cleavage, because my boobs, although they stress me out, are hot.

I hate shopping. I have an incredibly hard time finding things that flatter my build, and that I feel comfortable in. I always end up buying things "that'll do", and that are cheap, because I am too cheap to go to a store that sells things exclusively for us big girls. (Big girls being anyone of the incredibly average size of 16) I have an entire room of clothes that I either don't like, don't go with anything, or don't fit properly. If I had just spent a bit more money on items that fit me, instead of spending tons of money in the long run on things that were okay, I would be doing better in the closet department. I feel less than sexy these days, and would do anything, just to be able to throw on an outfit and feel comfortable and ready to take on the day, no matter what I am doing. I have even stopped going out dancing, because I just don't have any winter clothes that make me feel comfortable enough to shake my booty in on the dance floor, in the confident way that I am accustomed to.

I've got to lose this weight. I must feel better. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Jan 9, 2008

To My Credit

As I rushed out the door to go to work yesterday, I took a quick look at the end table on which we pile all of our mail, to see if there was any mail for me. There was a big fat unmarked envelope from Markham, Ontario. I quickly opened it, to see what I was being solicited about, and realized that it was a credit card. I fainted. (No I didn't, I'm lying.)

I couldn't effing believe it. I have been applying to get a credit card through my bank ever since I bought my new car. I figured that if they were willing to give me thousands of dollars, they might be convinced to give me $500 credit. But they could not be convinced.

I applied about 7-8 times in the past 3 months, just to force someone to print off the generic rejection letter and mail it to me.

"Sorry, Ms. Road, you are bad with money, and we don't like you. Piss off. Best Wishes, Your Bank."

In a sad, twisted way, I liked it, because it is very rare that I get mail that isn't from Reader's Digest, The War Amps, or Ralph Goodale.

A few years back, when I was still wild and crazy, (ok, crazier) and didn't really give a shit about the future, I got myself in some credit card trouble. I went to Scotland, England and France for a few months, with not quite enough money, and half way through my trip, had to start using my credit cards for everything. Of course, I wasn't making payments, (except for the cash my mom threw on the cards when I'd call her from a payphone from gawd-knows-where), and shortly after I arrived back in Canada and got settled back at work, and found an apartment, the credit card people caught up with me. My first paycheck, that was to pay rent and a damage deposit so I didn't have to live on my brother's girlfriends couch anymore, was taken from me. No matter what I said to them, they just didn't care. My last call to them, went something like this:

"But, I'm homeless. I have a job, but I'm homeless. I just got back to Canada. I can pay the whole thing off next month. "

" Sorry, Ma'am. You should have thought about that before you left the country."

"So I made a mistake. Sue me."

"Don't worry ma'am, we just might."

"I hate you for not having a soul."

"Have a nice day ma'am, thanks for getting your poor mother to pay us our money. I hope no one ever lets you live this down."

"They won't. Good-bye."

Ok, I'm lying again, but it was something along those lines, followed by me crying my face off for about a day.

So, when I got that credit card approval yesterday, it was a huge weight off of my shoulders. According to the bank, I am not an irresponsible twenty-something anymore. I can be trusted again. I, am an adult. The past doesn't matter to them anymore, and I should clear up some things myself, so it doesn't matter to anyone else either. The only way to go, is up.

The only reason I wanted a credit card so badly, was so I could start my own Etsy shop. I joined Etsy two years ago, and after going through all the steps, I realized that you need a credit card to have your own shop. It was a kick in the face. Over the past year, a bunch of friends have started their own shops, and I was a jealous bear about it. But now, finally, I can have my own.

I just need some time to sit down and get it going. Which may be tougher than I want it to be, but I'm determined. But, I'll keep you posted, and once it's up, I'll take you shopping. You have to pay of course though, because I'm living off bottle recycling money.

Jan 7, 2008

Oh, Happy Day.

What a great day.

I was actually mentally prepared for my 7:00 am call-in for work, so when I arrived seven hours early for my originally scheduled shift, I was in good spirits. I found someone to work the remaining 6 hours of my would-have-been 18 hour shift, and headed home to pound a Kokanee.

After a couple of quick phone calls to the girls, I called Smyrish, and he said he wanted to spend some money on me to take me for supper. How could I say no? When I went to pick him up, he said we had to make a quick stop on the way, and it was a surprise. I hate surprises, you never know if it will be good, or bad, and they cause me anxiety. ( "Surprise! Here's a million dollars!", or "Surprise! We're in the middle of nowhere, and now you must die!")

However, this surprise was abso-fucking-lutely wonderful:

( I think I will name her Gigi )

He bought me a new sewing machine!!!! Yippee!! Isn't she beautiful???

After I gave him a smooch, we headed off for supper, where I enjoyed the second best sandwich I have ever had in my life, the best one being the corned beef sandwich I had when I was in Montreal last, at Ben's Deli.

( I promise, it looked much better than these leftovers do.)

After supper, it was off to Home Depot where I sat in my dream bath tub, a quick visit with Film Star at the Shopper's Drug Mart, and then back to Smyrish's place to hang out and listen to the new Radiohead album, read catalogues, and look at old photos.

And alas, I am home. About to spend the first night in forever, alone in my bed. (With the exception of those nights where Smyrish couldn't stand my snoring.) I am going to play some scrabble, watch the rest of "Hello, Dolly", hug Gigi, and hopefully get a good nights sleep, with dreams full of Barbara Streisand sung show tunes.

How to Truly Enjoy a Three and a Half Day Weekend, Part Deux

14. When unable to show everyone what a fantastic bowler you are, impress them with your "victory" dance instead.

15. Go home with your man, and laugh while watching "The Darwin Awards".

16. Stay up way too late, pissing around on the Internet and drinking beer.

17. Spend Sunday cooking a lovely, fart-inducing Ukrainian meal for your family. Make a mental note that sauerkraut just may have the power to end relationships, and should only be used when absolutely necessary.

18. Drag out the board games after supper. Lose at Trivial Pursuit. Consider taking Grade Four over again.

19. Hang out in Smyrish's kitchen, drinking water, and talking, before heading to bed to have a good....sleep.

Jan 5, 2008

How to Truly Enjoy a Three and a Half Day Weekend, Part One

1. Decide on Thursday afternoon to not worry about household duties you have been putting off, and drag your ass to The Pub.

2. Be pleasantly surprised by the amount of friends that are at said pub, even if they are only there to hug the Grey Cup.

3. Enjoy your free drinks from the guy who won on the VLT machines.

4. When most everyone else has gone home, because they have to work in the morning, pound your pint and head to the gay bar with the other die-hards, who don't have to work in the morning, and believe as you do, that Thursday is the best day of the week to tear it up.

5. Sleep in on Friday, just long enough not to have a hangover.

6. Meet friends for lunch at The Super Happy Fun Buffet. Gorge yourself, it's okay to be a glutton at times like these.

7. Get some household duties completed, to make yourself feel better.

8. Cook a supper of homemade pizza and tortellini for you, and your man. Because, believe it or not, you're actually hungry a few hours after eating 4 heaping plates of food at the buffet.

9. Talk about renting some porn, and end up renting The Simpsons Movie instead.

10. Go to bed by midnight.

11. Wake up early-ish on Saturday morning, drink coffee, watch Spongebob, and read Tuesday's With Morrie.

12. Realize that it's Ukrainian Xmas, and invite family over for Sunday supper, before heading to the Ukrainian Co-op for food, so you can feed said family.

13. Go drunken bowling with your co-workers.