In seven days, on Robbie Burns Day, I will be twenty-nine. I never thought much of it, until last week, when it hit me, that although twenty-nine isn't old, it isn't like I'm going to get any younger either. First it's twenty-nine, then the big 30, then all of a sudden you're forty, and fifty, and so on. Time moves much too fast. Twenty-nine came much too fast.
My twenties were full of fun, and heartbreak and sadness and adventure. They were also chalk full of self-esteem issues, depression, money troubles, and self-loathing. If I made a list of interesting things I have done, it would be long. The list of things I wish I had done, is even longer. I am starting to think I wish I would have spent my money more wisely, and had a bit more adventure. Maybe taken a class or two. Moved away from here for awhile.
I don't really regret anything, other than some time well wasted.
I just feel that now, at twenty-nine, I am going to have to start to think differently about some things. I feel that I need to get out and do some more travelling, have some more adventures, meet some more people that I will never see again, stat, because you never know what could happen.
Maybe it's the dozens of pregnant women in my life right now, but I keep thinking, what if I got pregnant? I'm too old, to not have the baby, that would be irresponsible. I should be mature enough to deal with that, if it happened. And once you have a baby, that's that. Your personal crazy adventures come to a halt. I would have to find a house, I would have to find a way to buy everything for baby, and there wouldn't be anything left over for me, and I am not sure, but it may be frowned upon in some circles to take your newborn galavanting through Europe or Asia or something. Plus, you can't take your baby to pubs around the world. They just can't party like you can party.
Blah, here we go. I think I'm in crisis here.
Although it may seem immature to some, I like my life. I like that I can go out and get slammered on a Tuesday with all of my friends. I like that I can choose to spend way too much money at Walmart, or run off on a road trip on a whim. I like sitting at home and drinking wine in the tub. But something inside of me, is telling me that I need to stop, make a change, while the other side of me is saying "Run away! Leave for awhile, make yourself broke and have fun doing it!". I feel conflicted by my own feelings.
I'm sure this all sounds really stupid. And maybe my funk has something to do with the weather, and my lack of self-confidence at the moment, as well as the whole age thing. If nothing else, next Saturday, I'm forcing myself to go out dancing with all my friends, and I know it'll be a great time, because we always have a great time, and maybe getting out and shaking my booty a bit will help get me out of this.
Vote for me. It'll put a smile on my face.