Feb 27, 2005

A Long Night of Stupidity.....(happy birthday CG)

Last call, at the House of Pain, right before I ate toast and passed out on my face......

Hobbsley: So, what do you want to do?

Me: Like, with my life?

Hobbsley: Yah.

Me: Um, I don't know. I guess if I make it to 30, without going crazy, I'll figure it out then.

Hobbsley: You could always move to Europe.

The last conversation I remember having before we paid up and left the pub....

Me: OK, you have my number, and I have yours, we should totally get together sometime.

Chuck: (friend from elementary school, who I ran into while ordering a drink) Yes, you better phone me or else, you crazy bitch. (laughs)

Chuck's friend: He won't call you, he's just drunk.

Chuck: (to his friend) Yes I will call her you bitch! I went to school with her, and I haven't seen her in years!

Chuck's friend: Don't listen to him, he's just a crazy drunk, he always says he's gonna call people!

Me: Well, I'm sure we'll run into each other at some point, I'm not very good at calling people either!

Chuck: Ok, we're leaving to go home, we're drunk. Next time I see you, I'll have to introduce you to my boyfriend!

Me: Boyfriend?

Chuck: Ya, we're getting married this summer.

Chuck's friend: OK honey, we gotta go, I gotta get this crazy fag home!

After one beer, I had to break the seal already.....

I open the door to the bathroom, and all the taps turn on, and off, in sequence.

Me: Hello?

I look under all the stall doors, and nobody else is in there.

Me: I just gotta pee, and I'm outta here.

I leave the bathroom, and find the barkeep.

Me: Hey ____, is there something wrong with the sensors on the taps? Do they just turn on on their own sometimes?

Barkeep: No, what are you talking about?

Me: Seriously? You're not fucking with me? Because I just walked in and they all turned on, one at a time, and then turned off, one at a time. I almost shit my pants.

Barkeep: Well, at least you were in the right place to do so.


And those are about the only things I remember from last night with any clarity. Sure, it was a good night, but never again, am I going to say "I'm going for a beer with The Unknown Poet, and then I'm coming home. Should be home in an hour or so."

One beer in the afternoon, after a day of work, always seems to lead to 8 hours of ridiculous-ness. From now on, I'm going to say "I'm going out to get shit-faced, and I'll be back on Sunday." Then, I really will be home in an hour.

Last night, really was great though. Good vibes surrounded us.

Feb 24, 2005

2 Live Crew, and a funny, flirty Abigail, breed happiness

Well, I must say, that I am in much better spirits this week. Although I'm utterly exhausted from my midnight shifts, I feel somewhat happier, and I regained some confidence this week, that had left me shortly after the new year began. And I owe most of the happy, confident thoughts, to a Tuesday night with 2 Live Crew, and their Me So Horny girls. No seriously. Quit laughing or rolling your eyes or whatever you're doing right now, I'll explain.

V-man and I headed out on the town Tuesday evening, and I was ready to rock. My plan for the night, was to have a good laugh, dance myself back to the 80's, and get good and stumbly. Which I did, and I even got some photos of some regular pub-goers getting molested by hot, big-bootied women up on the stage. Good times all around, my only regret being that I didn't haul my own big bootie up on the stage too, but people were already so shocked that I was actually there, that I didn't want to be too shocking. More than a few times throughout the night I heard things like"Oh, my god! I can't believe YOU came here!", "OOOO, you're so innocent and sweet, I didn't know you liked 2 Live Crew!", and so on. I find it funny, and a bit flattering that some people I know think I'm so darn innocent. But what was more funny to me that night, was when I looked around and realized just how WHITE everyone was around me. Now that was hilarious....a club full of awkward-dancing whities, getting their jollies to the Me So Horny girls. Classic.

Anyways, I'm getting off topic, and losing my train of thought. Too many thoughts running through my sleep deprived, coffee-craving brain today. Now where was I? Oh yes, my confidence returning.

I have noticed, over the years, that when I am all by myself, or even a bit out of my element, I shift into 'have fun and make friends' gear, and I'm off. I don't feel uncomfortable, I don't wish that I had back-up, and I just act like... me. That's when I shine. And I shone again on Tuesday night. I did know quite a few people that were at the concert, but none were close friends (other than V-man), and the next best thing to him were Astro-Boy and some other pub staff, and some friends of B-Rock's that were there, who I have hung out with, but we are really just aquaintances. But I felt perfectly comfortable, as soon as we tracked down Chewy, and made ourselves at home with his crew. I felt flirty, funny and sociable, and that mood stayed with me the entire night. There was no stopping my great mood, not even watching our car get towed away as we left the bar, dampered it. But then again, I was drunk, and it barely registered, since I spotted Astro-Boy and friend standing outside waiting for a cab at the same time. Which was a good thing, since we had no way home, and were going to need a cab anyway! Our evening continued downtown, drinking and chatting and watching Fear and Loathing at AB's friends place, and by the time I got home, I felt like one hot momma, and was truly pleased with the evening's outcome overall.

Confidence has become such a rare attribute in my personality, that I relish when it comes to visit me. Having one outrageous night, away from the rut of The Pub, proved to me(and reminded me), that I need to climb out of it more often, and that I don't need anyone to come with me, unless they so wish. I have always been fine, doing things on my own, dancing to the beat of my own drum, and I need to bring some of that back into my life. So I will, you just watch.

Feb 21, 2005

Single gals need milestones too

My email over the last couple weeks, has been depressing me. I was getting the distinct impression that nobody had anything to say to me. Which is depressing in itself, because if everyone's life is as dull as mine right now, we are in desperate need of Spring. I was only getting sent forwards I've seen a hundred times already, or spam. At least most of the spam is trying to be helpful, but I wish I knew how I got on the "Enlarge Your Penis" mailing list. The very fact that my email address has the word 'girl' in it, should have tipped someone off, that I am without that appendage. So I was ecstatic yesterday, when I opened my Inbox, and realized that I had 3 emails from people I actually know, and they weren't forwarded jokes or dirty pictures. Ecstatic until I read them of course. All three, were announcing engagements, and forthcoming weddings. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for these people, they are my friends, and I'm glad that they have found people that make them so happy and ful-filled. I guess it was just another slap in the face, reminding me about how far behind everyone I am when it comes to life in general. Did I miss class they day they taught us how to be an adult when the time came? Knowing me, I was probably smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee down the street at the diner. Thank god, I got those 2 habits under my belt early.

It has come to my attention, when I started paying attention, that my peers are surpassing me in all of life's little milestones. If they aren't going to Uni, they are buying houses, moving in together, getting married, or having babies. Are those the things I'm supposed to be doing? If so, I think I have to go back and take that class again. I spent the first part of my 20's, assuming that soon, I was going to be settled down, a wedding date would be set, and everything would just fall into place. When that assumption blew up in my face, I realized how lost I was. And here I am, a couple years later, no husband, no babies, no home of my own, living in fear that V-man will be the next one to get hitched, and I'll have to move out, and have nowhere to go! For someone who has no trouble making new friends, I have no idea how the dating game is played, and although I have many a male friend, I have yet to meet someone who wants to do anything more than drink beer, and screw around. I feel like I'm back in high school some days. Sheesh.

But what can you do? I can agonize over it all I want, nothing's going to change, until I figure out what I want, and find that guy who rocks my world. Guess I'll just have to continue looking after Number One, congratulate my peers on reaching their milestones, and offer to bartend or sit at the guestbook at their weddings.


Ok, I know my entries have been a bit depressing as of late, I promise that one day soon, it'll all be teddy bears, sunshine and roses.


We loved you HUNTER S. THOMPSON.
See ya later.

Feb 15, 2005

A Tribute to Big Bad Bob

This morning, I talked to the exact person I have been wanting to talk to for a long time now. Well, not the exact person, but it was close enough.

I decided this morning, that it was much too cold, and I was much too lazy, to walk to the bus stop after work. I really didn't have the funds for a cab ride, but I figured that payday was soon approaching and I could do without a pack of smokes, so I picked up the phone, and called my burned out self a taxi. When I hopped in the cab, the first thing I noticed, was that the cab driver looked eerily similar to my Uncle David. So I told him so, and off we went. It was the longest cab ride I have taken in my life, as the city workers decided to block off one of the main drags with many an orange cone, during morning rush hour traffic, and then apparently go for coffee for the day. Our conversation quickly turned to our stories of working for the Department of Highways, and then he started telling me about how he only drove cab when he wasn't away working his regular job. He was a crane operator for O.E., and was waiting for a call, and was hoping to be sent to Alberta to work on the pipeline. I immediatly perked up. He talked and talked about how patient you must be to do that job. You wait for calls, you sleep in your car, you get sent far away from your family for months at a time, and much of your 16 hour day is spent sitting in your equipment, waiting for someone to move something out of the way so you can work....you can't move it yourself, because that would be taking away someone else's job....union policy. I knew all about it already, as I had heard my father talk about the exact same things for my whole entire life. The only difference today was that, I was actually listening. Not that I didn't ever listen to my father talk about his job, I did, but sometimes, it was just too over my head. I was in my 20's before I actually started to understand how hard it must have been for him. Driving for hours at a time, on a moments notice, to get to some shithole, that didn't have a vacant hotel room for the next 2 weeks, never really knowing how long you were going to be there until the job was done and you were laid off, then heading home for an unknown amount of time, to live off unemployment. My dad was always proud of the work he did on the road, and loved to attempt to tell the family stories of the amazing things he helped to construct, and the crazy characters he had to work with every night. And we were proud of him too, but unfortunatly, he didn't hear that enough. Talking to that cab driver, really made my day.

I was fortunate enough to break my leg last year and have to move back in with my parents for a few months. Not that I was happy about it at first, but something in the universe, knew that it had to happen. I never have gone home for visits as much as I should have, and because of work, I have missed alot of phone calls and holidays with my family over the years. This event, threw me right smack dab into my parents life without kids at home, and I'm glad I got to see it through my own adult eyes.

My dad and I ended up spending alot of time together, since he was laid off for the majority of the time I was home, and had just retired from his second job. I thought he was going through some sort of mid-life crisis. He talked alot about his decisions in life, and things he could have done, women he could have been with, other places he could've chosen to live.....and even though all of those choices seemed better, looking back on them, he was truly happy that he chose Small Town, my mom, and that he had GQ, Film Star and me. I believed him, but I got the impression that he wished he could go back 30 years, and start all over again. But don't we all want that sometimes? I started to notice, after he had gone away to Alberta for a couple weeks to work, that his attitude had perked up (although he was getting a bit sick of me being on his couch!). It was about this time, that he was going to the doctor alot, and coming home every day and telling me he was perfectly healthy. I knew that was a load of bullshit, I could see he wasn't. But, for the one and only time in my life, I decided to keep my mouth shut, and just let life go on, without a gruelling question and answer period and inevitable screaming match. Dad was happy, the weather was warm, Shmeed and Film Star were home, so I just tried to enjoy it.

Eventually, my leg was good enough for me to go back to my apartment in the city, and Dad and I were both going stir crazy and driving each other nuts. (we're both Aquarius and wanted to run the household our way!) I headed back to the city, and went back to my old ways of not communicating. But good old dad, called me every morning to make sure I was looking after myself, and to rouse me from a good sleep. He knew I wasn't happy, he knew I had been happy in Small Town, even though I thought when I was there I was missing out on something in the city. He didn't know what to say to make me happy. He did however know how to make me cry every morning, but I don't think he did that on purpose.

After five and a half months of laughing and arguing with Dad every morning, I went back to work, and wasn't around for his daily phone call. GQ and I had a fight, and even when I went to Small Town for a weekend, I didn't go to my parents house, except for a short afternoon visit, and dad wasn't there, he was out at an auction sale. A week later, GQ and Red had to track me down in the middle of the night, to tell me that my dad had died. I will always respect them for having to be the bearers of that horrible news, and dealing with me the way they did.

The week following, I heard alot of "This will get easier in time", and the like. I am realizing though, that for me, it isn't getting any easier. I dealt with everything at the time, as I should have, as the eldest child. Shit happens, and life has to go on, is my motto. But I miss my dad more and more every day. It hasn't gotten easier at all. I think of all the things he's going to miss out on, and all the things I hadn't said to him.

When the phone rings early in the morning, I always wish it to be him, calling to annoy me with something,to yell at me, or to ask me some ridiculous question. It's strange, when you realize the things you never think that you will miss, the things that drive you crazy, really are what drive you to be, well.... you.

I miss you Dad.

Love is a slippery sidewalk

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been sitting around for 2 days, with absolutely nothing to say. I always have something to say, but this week, I've got nothing. I have even run out of mundane things to talk about. Maybe I've hit a new low of boredom? Well, actually, I'm not even bored. I don't feel like going out or doing anything, and I've been working nights, so my time has been mostly filled with sleep and TV watching, so that explains why I don't have anything interesting and new to blab about. Thank god for Cookeroo, she can always get me talking, but after a conversation with her on the phone tonight, I have nothing left for anyone else. Unfortunatly, B-Rock will be by in awhile to drive me to work, and if I don't think of something to say other that "Thanks for the ride, talk to ya later", I could give him the feeling that I'm just using him for his mother's Blazer. And I don't want that. I truly am greatful for any transportation I can find, that isn't a taxi or a bus. I've about had it with those 2 modes of transportation for this lifetime.

A hot topic this week, amongst people I actually have talked to, most likely due to Valentine's Day, has been relationships. Questions abound about why who is with who, why we put up with what we do, what we want from the people we have and the ever popular 'is this relationship worth fighting for'?.... Luckily, I don't actually have to deal with any of those questions in my life, and I find it a tad easier to just try and be a good listener. Not that I haven't dealt with any of those questions in my time, but I feel sometimes, that I have been single much too long, to actually understand what people go through in a relationship on a daily basis. And after hearing all the ups and downs of friends, aquaintances and co-workers relationships, I truly feel, that I would like to die an old maid, so not to have to deal with any of it. It all seems so stressful and heart-wrenching, and sometimes physically damaging.

Ah, the cynic in me is ever present, isn't it? I guess my cynicism about dating and relationships stems from some bad experiences, but deep down, I know that there are good things about having a significant other that you actually care about and vice versa. But more often than not, in talking to people, you hear so much about the bad things, I think I could do for a good dose of happy, sappy relationship gossip. It might make me puke, but it could also have a good effect on my cynicism and diminish it a notch. Which in turn, could put me in a position in the dating game.

On second thought, I don't want to hear anything good about relationships. The dating game is too scary and the chances of getting hurt are far too great. I can't deal with it at this point in time. If I get the inkling to go out and find my own soul-mate, and give my inner cynic a break, and it doesn't work out, I will have to work to regain the cynic's trust.

Think I'll just stick to my original plan, of sitting and waiting patiently for that special someone, who walks into my life and rocks my world. I'd walk around and look for him, but the streets are icy, and I want to be safe. ________________________________

I have decided to start dating my entries, in the hopes that everything will be easier to follow. This is mostly for me!

Feb 14, 2005

V-day has nothing on my Leg-iversary

Not too much to say today, just wanted to get everyone to raise a glass to me on this, the 1 year anniversary of me breaking my leg. Or as it was dubbed this weekend....my Leg-iversary.

Feb 12, 2005

Welcome to the Maxi Pad

I had a hard time sticking to my decision to stay home, relax and get some organizing done on this fabulous Saturday night. I must admit, that I got bored, real fast. Most likely, had I stayed home, I would have passed the time somehow, boring activities or not, and I would have saved 40 dollars. But no, I had to go out with Cookeroo, because I thought I might lose my marbles if I didn't. I ended up having a pretty OK night, listened to GQ and the Unknown Poet sing some songs out of tune, ran into some guys from Yorkton, had a few beers, and went to Subway before coming home. Not bad at all. Now I'm at home, I lost 4 rounds of Scrabble Online, and I'm half-assedly watching The Barefoot Contessa, on Movie Night in Canada. Unfortunatly, I'm not tired, and when the movie is over, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself, as I'm not one to sit and watch the loud, but colorful "We're off the air, moron, go to bed" signal.

Anyways, since I'm not feeling very intelligent (or even angry with the world) this weekend, here's a list. Because, as we all know, I'm madly in love with lists.

1. I think that the first 5 minutes of the movie Reality Bites, is the most realistic Hollywood-ization of college kids and/or 20-somethings I have ever seen in a feature film. I first saw that movie when I was in high school, and thought, " I can't wait to have a reason to be like them." Lucky me, here I am. Watch it.

2. To continue with the Reality Bites theme, I always wanted Winona's hair-do, and now that I have it, it's driving me crazy.

3. OK, I must admit, I watched Reality Bites
last night before I went to bed, and I can't help but think I should watch it again. I do own it, after all, and someone spent money on it, so why not beat the poor movie to death? Plus, that loud screen of color is going to be screaming at me soon.

4. When Winona and Janeane Garafolo are cruising home from work, and the are singing Tempted before Ben Stiller runs into them, I smile. Because it reminds me of all the good times I have had, cruising around and singing songs with Cookeroo in the Saturn and the Accent.

5. Hey! That's my bike!

6. I have realized that, Troy Dyer, is so eerily similar to my brother, that it is sick and twisted that I had a crush on his character when I was 16. I feel dirty, but how was I to know? Shit, they even look alike. I need a shower. Gross. (no offence GQ)

7. In my search for a R.B link, I realized that the 10th anniversary DVD came out a year ago. Man, the past 10 years, sure flew by me at warp speed.....

8. I have never had a psychic partner, but I would love to go to a well respected psychic one day, just to see what they say. I would like to know if I'm an old soul or not. Also, I wouldn't mind knowing what color my aura is, but I don't want to pay money to find out. Those psychic folk make more than I do I bet.

9. It sure is nice to fall in love with someone whom you are already friends with, it makes the dating game unnecessary. It's even better when U2's 'All I Want is You' plays after you've had a fight, and can't find each other.

10. There's no way that Lelaina and Troy stayed together. Sure they were in love, but Troy was a philosophy major who couldn't hold a job, and Lelaina had big dreams and goals. Unless his band made it big, they're done. But they probably had a fantastic romance for a couple of years. Or maybe I'm wrong. In the spirit of St. Valentine, tell me your story of a relationship gone good.

Feb 11, 2005

Hey people, go order those fleurs, there's only 3 more sleeps!

Well, Valentine's Day is upon us, and for you lovey dovey folk, I'm sure your hearts are all a flutter, and plans are under way to spend enormous amounts of money on cards, flowers, dinners and cheap hotel rooms. I myself, will be working, and then sleeping all day, so thankfully, I will not have to worry about being gazed upon with pitiful looks of "Oh that poor single 20-something, she probably wants to slit her wrists" all day long. To those people who do feel sorry for us single folk, please don't. There's no need. And for you single gals sitting at home feeling lonely and depressed, call up your other single friends, and go do shooters at a dingy bar or something. You aren't missing out on a damn thing.

Maybe I say that, because well, I've never in my life celebrated a Valentine's Day, in a relationship or not, and I don't feel like less of a woman because of it. ( Ok, actually, J gave me my first Valentine's celebration in high school, but we didn't really spend money, we just laid in my bed and hung out, which was super sweet at the time) I've never received flowers, or gone out for an expensive supper. And it never bothered me, because I never expected anything. If you don't expect the romance to come, it's not such a let down when that fact is realized. I truly believe that we do not need a Hallmark sponsored holiday on the calendar, for an excuse to show our love and appreciation for our significant other. If you need to set aside a day, then something is wrong. You should try and be spontaneous and romantic on the other 364 days of the year as well, and then maybe V-Day wouldn't have so much build-up to it. Or so much disappointment afterwards, when your sig. other forgets, or doesn't live up to your expectations you have set for that day. I guess it's the same thing with Christmas, it really shouldn't be about the gifts, it should be about love and family, but it isn't.

Well, I am sure I am tripping out all you folks with a love buzz going on, so I'll stop it. If you're excited, power to you, hope all goes well, and your honey is worth the money you're spending. At least you all know you're getting laid, and hey, sometimes, in a relationship, that's all you really wish for. Go forth and spread love, my brothers and sisters!! _________________________________

* Hey fellow bloggers, check out this news story and beware of getting in shit at work.

Feb 8, 2005

Before you go off and follow your bliss, give me a Tylenol.

I was going to write about my adventures from last night, but I have decided that enough people already know what an asshole I can be when I'm drunk, and I don't think that you readers need to hear about it. I want you to like me. But for you Nosey Nosersons, in short, I got really drunk, really fast. Actually had a good night( and afternoon) at the Pub with schmutzie, Cookeroo and her mom, GQ, CG and a few other friends and strangers who came to our table throughout the evening. I was in a great mood until I went home with B-Rock, then had a couple more beers. Those beer made me tired, cranky and I honestly can't remember what I said, I just know that GQ and B-Rock said I was being mean, so I probably was. The next thing I know, I'm talking to Cookeroo on the phone at 3am, and I wake up with the headache to end all headaches, still holding the phone. Thankfully I remembered to hang up before I cuddled up to it, but unfortunatly, it rang into my throbbing head, and that wasn't the best wake up call to get, I tell ya. All I can say is OUCH!

As usual, after my hangover from hell started to subside, I had to ask myself.....why in the world do we think it's a good idea to go and get so shitfaced in the middle of the week? It doesn't happen that often anymore, the whole lot of us has calmed down a tad in our older age. But it's inevitable, it will happen again in a few weeks.

When I was younger, I partied alot as well. But when the bar closed, or the party was over, I just went home to bed.That's it, that's all. I knew when to stop. Nowadays, when the party is over, we start another party. Maybe we don't want to go home? Are we trying to prove that we are still youthful and full of piss and vinegar? Or maybe, we just have such a damn good time together, that we never want the good times to end? I don't know, but I'm wearing thin, and these nights of debauchery could lead me to an early grave, if I don't start pacing myself. Not that I will actually calm down. I've already forced myself into only leaving the house 2 nights a week, I can't cut back much more, I'd go insane. I need my socialization fix. It's like a cheap drug.

Maybe all this irresponsibility stems from the fact that my generation is helplessly lost. Aside from a small handful of 20-somethings that I know, the majority of people under 35, have no idea what they are doing. We were raised by Baby Boomer parents, who were raised by a generation of hard-working, Depression era folk, who told them to go to school, get a job, buy a house, have kids, get a dog, and do the same old thing, day after day, until they died. It's what adults were supposed to do. But our parents, didn't want to tell us what to do. Sure, they want us to have all of the above, and they want that for themselves, but I think they held a Baby Boomer meeting in the late 70's and decided that they wouldn't force they're children into doing anything, they would teach them to follow their bliss. Sounds great in theory, to be COOL parents. So that's what they did. They let us follow our own path. Unfortunatly, for the majority of us, we are now adults; we don't own homes or cars, we're single, if we have kids, they are illegitimit, we have degrees in things that really won't get us anywhere, unless we meet the right employer at the right time, and to top it all off, we really don't have a freaking clue what we want to do with our lives anyway. Do we want to get married? Do we want kids? Do we want to travel? Will we ever get a good enough job in order to settle down? Makes me think, maybe this "follow your bliss" idea isn't all it's cracked up to be. I think a whole bunch of us could do with a slap in the face, and some good old " you'll do what I tell you to do or else" from mom and dad.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, and the people I hang around with, but I don't think so. I've been around. I've seen the lost 20-somethings all over the place. Sitting in pubs, around the globe, complaining to their mates, that they don't know what to do with their lives, and they're sick of the rut they are in. So they order another pint, sing some songs, and start again the next day. Maybe that's what bliss is. *************************************

Generation Y

Generation X

Feb 7, 2005

I figured it out! ( and a wish for sweet dreams)

I have been asked by a couple people, why I would put my thoughts and such all over the Internet for all to see, and I couldn't come up with a proper answer at the time. But I was just thinking, and I came up with a doozy of an answer for the blog critics.

Writing has always been a release for me. I have never been big on actually talking about real problems to other people, I have always felt that most things, such as dirty little secrets and 'whole truths', best be kept to myself, in a little vault in my soul. Over the last few years, I have opened up a bit of myself to close friends such as B-Rock and Cookeroo and the girls, but I don't think I will ever let anyone get too close to my secrets, and you aren't going to hear any of them here, so don't get your hopes up. But a piece of paper never tells anyone what you said, felt or experienced, so I have always trusted it. Mind you, I keep these truthful papers hidden quite well, and I think that when I draft a will, I should put in a clause stating that they be burned before my friends and family can get to them. I really am that guarded about certain things that run through my head. Some people secretly wish that their diaries, poetry and the like be published after they die, and they are all of a sudden infamous writers.....I do not. Ok, maybe a little piece of me wouldn't mind that whole "getting famous after your dead and buried" thing, but only if I could guarantee that somehow they would change the world.

I kept a journal since I was in the third grade, I have stacks of them in a box under my feet, that I confiscated from my mom's house the last time I went home to visit. (see? Can't even trust my mom, and I have every reason to do so! ) I have attempted over the last few years to continue this huge release of mine, but I never could find the time, or the privacy, to write properly, so I have scattered entries and poetry over a couple 3 ring notebooks, in no particular order, ranging in topics from broken hearts, cheating lovers, and other internal and external woes, as well as my adventures and misadventures in my travels. Thank God I date everything, so when I'm old and grey, and a tad senile, I can still go back and figure out what was going on in my life at the time, and hopefully either laugh at myself, or gain some wisdom from my past.

So maybe that doesn't tell you exactly why I decided to start a blog, but it's a glimpse. In truth, I thought it would be fun, and even though I would never think of telling cyber folk all my little secrets and thoughts, it's nice to be able to get some things out in the open, without having to have a conversation, with someone who doesn't really want to hear it anyways. Online, if someone doesn't want to read something, they don't have to. Know what I'm saying?

(((( OK, lost my train of thought because I had to go watch 'The National'. Where the hell was I going with this entry???? I honestly can't remember. Maybe it's the fact that I have only had 3 hours sleep, 2 pots of coffee, and 3 beer))))

Ah well, guess I'll just trudge along!

I have decided that, without a doubt, it is PMS for the most part, that stole away my optimism from last week. I say "for the most part" because confusion over a certain friends actions, and listening to too much Morrissey has played a part in the sadness and crankiness. So, I figure, if I take my St. John's Wort and get some much needed sleep, I should be fine and dandy in no time at all.

I spent a good chunk of my day today trudging around town with B-Rock in his girlfriends car, looking for a car of my own, and he was looking for one as well. I now know what I'm looking for, and just have to get someone to finance me, so everyone cross your fingers for me! If I don't get a loan from somewhere, I have to give up a position I hold at work, as it involves driving. The other chunk of my day was spent watching CTV Original Programming and the fantastic CBC Monday night line-up, so I guess I don't really have much more to say. B-Rock went home to his girlfriend, the roommate is in bed, and V-man has retired to the basement, so I guess it's a good time for me to hit the hay.

I just might even pray to the telephone gods, that for the first time in a week, the phone will not ring and wake me up, until I have had a good, long sleep and many sweet dreams.

Sleep tight everyone..... and don't let the bedbugs bite.

Feb 6, 2005

Farewell Sandra Dee, Happy Birthday V-man, and a bit of PMS

Well, the weekend is over, but my crappy mood is still here. I must be PMS-ing, because really, why else would I be such a horrible crank the last couple days? Could have something to do with being broke, and having a tough weekend of work, accompanied with little sleep, but since I feel like crying, and there is no reason for a good cry, I'll say it's PMS.

My weekend started out with my being an idiot and locking myself out of the house as I was leaving for coffee with Cookeroo and Film Star. Took all day to find V-man to get back in the house, but at least got some visiting in with friends at the Pub while I hunted him down. When I finally got cleaned up for the night, we headed out to a local pool hall for Sandra Dee's going away bash. She's heading back to th UK and her new hubby today...We'll miss ya Sandra Dee!!! I must say, for the most part I had a good time, but the booze took over B-Rock and I, and we ended up hating each other by the end of the night. And it's all my fault, he can't handle me when I'm whiny for stupid reasons, and I know that, so I should have laid off. But knowing when to keep my mouth shut is not one of my strong suits. After a day off from each other, we were doing a bit better by Sunday afternoon, but I was still cranky, and he was tired, but no more drama came of it, so all is well, I'm sure. To top off my crappy Friday night, Burger King forgot my onion rings, and for some reason that I can't recall, that was the downfall of humanity.

I did nothing on Saturday from what I can recall. Other than lay around and I went grocery shopping, and spent a ridiculous amount of money on healthy, tasty food. Eating pasta and sandwiches all the live long days, sure gets boring, but it's definatly cheaper!

Sunday was a bit better, although I didn't get as much sleep as I should have as my bladder woke me up. B-Rock came over for drinks and TV watching, and it was the V-man's birthday, so we headed out for Trivia, and then I regretfully had to leave, but I assume that the boys had a good time, as GQ and Hobbsley were comatose in the living room when I got home this morning, and there were many an empty beer bottle throughout the house. Well, I sure hope V-man had a good birthday, and all the free shooters he recieved earlier in the evening didn't keep him in the loo all night barfing. I know that's what I would have been doing, had I done 3 shots of whisky and a shot of Jagermeister before I even started in on the beer! :)

But now it's Monday, and I have a chance to start fresh and have a spanktastic week, if the universe doesn't keep me from doing so. I have alot to get done, and with any luck, the weather will warm up a tad, so I can do the tasks that need accomplishing around the city. Also, Kevin Smith is on Degrassi tonight again, so I have something to look forward to! It really is the small things that can drive you crazy and make your day, all at the same time.

Feb 1, 2005

Optimism fading a little; Need more sleep

Well my friends, today is a total wash. I missed the entire day! I got home from work this morning, called Cookeroo to tell her I needed to sleep for a bit, and ended up sleeping until 7pm, and missing out on nice weather, lunch with Cookeroo and Badu, and getting a ride out to the middle of nowhere to pick up my paycheck. Ok, now for all of you who are thinking I'm lazy, I must point out that, I had been working since 3pm yesterday and didn't fall asleep until noon today, and the sleep that I did get today was constantly interrupted by a crying kitten who wanted to play and have some attention. (actually I just think she hates the fact that I might want a good sleep once in awhile.) I'm still incredibly tired, and with any luck, I'll fall asleep early enough to be rested for tomorrow, and will be able to enjoy my Friday off!

Well, it's official, the roommate is moving out in March, to live with her boyfriend. I find it funny that they are going to be living at his place, because I think they have spent 1 or 2 nights there in all the months they've been dating. Something about her having a fish to feed, and his place being too noisy, plus there isn't cable. Boyfriend should really be paying rent HERE. He sleeps, eats, drinks, showers, cooks, and hogs the living room at the House of Pain, and if he was paying V-man some dough, I wouldn't complain as much. But if he was paying to live here, I would however, not put up with the mess he and roommate leave behind. Well I don't really put up with it now, but I have realized it's a losing battle. Until they are gone, I will be stuck in my bedroom with my computer and no cable TV, and doing their dishes, so the kitchen doesn't smell like rotten egg and sour milk. Apparently, V-man has a prospective new roomie for me. Some little emo kid I guess. As long as he's clean, doesn't bring a lazy girlfriend with him, and isn't a remote control hog, we should be OK. And if he's a smoking hot little emo kid, that wouldn't hurt either.

I really wish I could live on my own again. Unfortunatly, I was broke all the time, and with me planning on buying a car, I just couldn't afford it now. For someone who loves being around people, I sure like to be alone just as much. It's more comfortable. You can walk around in your underwear, watch whatever you want on TV, listen to your favorite music as loud as you want, and you don't have to worry about staying on the phone too long, because someone may have to use it. You can come home drunk and stumbling , and not have to worry about waking anyone up. You can bring someone home and you don't have to answer any questions, or worry about strange looks in the morning. It's bliss, living alone. One day, money will fall from the sky, and I'm getting myself my own little abode. And that's that.

Some random thoughts that ran through my head today:

Why are our Canada pins, shirts, etc. made in China?

If abortion is wrong, and we are human the second we are concieved, why don't we have a funeral when a woman has a miscarriage?Why is our birthday not the day that mommy missed her pill and daddy forgot to pull out?

Where does the #15 bus go to? Is it only for the senior citizens across the street? I see it everyday, and I have no idea. Maybe I'll go for a ride on it tomorrow.