I have been asked by a couple people, why I would put my thoughts and such all over the Internet for all to see, and I couldn't come up with a proper answer at the time. But I was just thinking, and I came up with a doozy of an answer for the blog critics.
Writing has always been a release for me. I have never been big on actually talking about real problems to other people, I have always felt that most things, such as dirty little secrets and 'whole truths', best be kept to myself, in a little vault in my soul. Over the last few years, I have opened up a bit of myself to close friends such as B-Rock and Cookeroo and the girls, but I don't think I will ever let anyone get too close to my secrets, and you aren't going to hear any of them here, so don't get your hopes up. But a piece of paper never tells anyone what you said, felt or experienced, so I have always trusted it. Mind you, I keep these truthful papers hidden quite well, and I think that when I draft a will, I should put in a clause stating that they be burned before my friends and family can get to them. I really am that guarded about certain things that run through my head. Some people secretly wish that their diaries, poetry and the like be published after they die, and they are all of a sudden infamous writers.....I do not. Ok, maybe a little piece of me wouldn't mind that whole "getting famous after your dead and buried" thing, but only if I could guarantee that somehow they would change the world.
I kept a journal since I was in the third grade, I have stacks of them in a box under my feet, that I confiscated from my mom's house the last time I went home to visit. (see? Can't even trust my mom, and I have every reason to do so! ) I have attempted over the last few years to continue this huge release of mine, but I never could find the time, or the privacy, to write properly, so I have scattered entries and poetry over a couple 3 ring notebooks, in no particular order, ranging in topics from broken hearts, cheating lovers, and other internal and external woes, as well as my adventures and misadventures in my travels. Thank God I date everything, so when I'm old and grey, and a tad senile, I can still go back and figure out what was going on in my life at the time, and hopefully either laugh at myself, or gain some wisdom from my past.
So maybe that doesn't tell you exactly why I decided to start a blog, but it's a glimpse. In truth, I thought it would be fun, and even though I would never think of telling cyber folk all my little secrets and thoughts, it's nice to be able to get some things out in the open, without having to have a conversation, with someone who doesn't really want to hear it anyways. Online, if someone doesn't want to read something, they don't have to. Know what I'm saying?
(((( OK, lost my train of thought because I had to go watch 'The National'. Where the hell was I going with this entry???? I honestly can't remember. Maybe it's the fact that I have only had 3 hours sleep, 2 pots of coffee, and 3 beer))))
Ah well, guess I'll just trudge along!
I have decided that, without a doubt, it is PMS for the most part, that stole away my optimism from last week. I say "for the most part" because confusion over a certain friends actions, and listening to too much Morrissey has played a part in the sadness and crankiness. So, I figure, if I take my St. John's Wort and get some much needed sleep, I should be fine and dandy in no time at all.
I spent a good chunk of my day today trudging around town with B-Rock in his girlfriends car, looking for a car of my own, and he was looking for one as well. I now know what I'm looking for, and just have to get someone to finance me, so everyone cross your fingers for me! If I don't get a loan from somewhere, I have to give up a position I hold at work, as it involves driving. The other chunk of my day was spent watching CTV Original Programming and the fantastic CBC Monday night line-up, so I guess I don't really have much more to say. B-Rock went home to his girlfriend, the roommate is in bed, and V-man has retired to the basement, so I guess it's a good time for me to hit the hay.
I just might even pray to the telephone gods, that for the first time in a week, the phone will not ring and wake me up, until I have had a good, long sleep and many sweet dreams.
Sleep tight everyone..... and don't let the bedbugs bite.