Feb 15, 2005

Love is a slippery sidewalk

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been sitting around for 2 days, with absolutely nothing to say. I always have something to say, but this week, I've got nothing. I have even run out of mundane things to talk about. Maybe I've hit a new low of boredom? Well, actually, I'm not even bored. I don't feel like going out or doing anything, and I've been working nights, so my time has been mostly filled with sleep and TV watching, so that explains why I don't have anything interesting and new to blab about. Thank god for Cookeroo, she can always get me talking, but after a conversation with her on the phone tonight, I have nothing left for anyone else. Unfortunatly, B-Rock will be by in awhile to drive me to work, and if I don't think of something to say other that "Thanks for the ride, talk to ya later", I could give him the feeling that I'm just using him for his mother's Blazer. And I don't want that. I truly am greatful for any transportation I can find, that isn't a taxi or a bus. I've about had it with those 2 modes of transportation for this lifetime.

A hot topic this week, amongst people I actually have talked to, most likely due to Valentine's Day, has been relationships. Questions abound about why who is with who, why we put up with what we do, what we want from the people we have and the ever popular 'is this relationship worth fighting for'?.... Luckily, I don't actually have to deal with any of those questions in my life, and I find it a tad easier to just try and be a good listener. Not that I haven't dealt with any of those questions in my time, but I feel sometimes, that I have been single much too long, to actually understand what people go through in a relationship on a daily basis. And after hearing all the ups and downs of friends, aquaintances and co-workers relationships, I truly feel, that I would like to die an old maid, so not to have to deal with any of it. It all seems so stressful and heart-wrenching, and sometimes physically damaging.

Ah, the cynic in me is ever present, isn't it? I guess my cynicism about dating and relationships stems from some bad experiences, but deep down, I know that there are good things about having a significant other that you actually care about and vice versa. But more often than not, in talking to people, you hear so much about the bad things, I think I could do for a good dose of happy, sappy relationship gossip. It might make me puke, but it could also have a good effect on my cynicism and diminish it a notch. Which in turn, could put me in a position in the dating game.

On second thought, I don't want to hear anything good about relationships. The dating game is too scary and the chances of getting hurt are far too great. I can't deal with it at this point in time. If I get the inkling to go out and find my own soul-mate, and give my inner cynic a break, and it doesn't work out, I will have to work to regain the cynic's trust.

Think I'll just stick to my original plan, of sitting and waiting patiently for that special someone, who walks into my life and rocks my world. I'd walk around and look for him, but the streets are icy, and I want to be safe. ________________________________

I have decided to start dating my entries, in the hopes that everything will be easier to follow. This is mostly for me!

No comments: