Greetings From Small Town!!!

Well, despite being absolutely exhausted from the get-go, I made it through Xmas happy, scrappy and hangover free (the last one is by pure luck, I am sure.) Although we have been relatively busy around these parts the last couple of days, I feel somewhat relaxed and ready to get back to the chaos that is the Xmas holiday and New Year’s in The City. I can’t be sure, but if it is going to be like years prior to this one, I have some late nights of drinking, socializing and other such activities ahead of me. Unfortunately, my bank account is not quite ready for the revelry, as I haven’t worked in a couple weeks, but maybe one of the lotto tickets AJ sent for me to give to Mr. Head will win big, and I can sponge a cool million off of him. (hehehe)

The brothers and I arrived in Small Town on the afternoon of Xmas Eve, and the visiting, drinking and eating began immediately. Mom had a turkey already cooked up for us to eat today (Boxing Day, of course), since we were going to be eating at other relatives homes, snacks and alcoholic beverages were plentiful, and Auntie B and Uncle D were in the kitchen waiting to visit. It was a nice welcome.

GQ and I made it through an evening at Uncle Don’s farm with only a few minor (for us) insults and disagreements, so the evening of visiting and drinking, and of course eating. was quite enjoyable. But if you ask GQ, he’ll tell you about how his night was not as fantastic as he had hoped, due to a Mystery Santa (we had no idea who it was!) showing up out of nowhere, walking through the front door, and stealing his thunder. Although I felt a bit bad for GQ, who so wanted to play Santa for the kids again this year, it was quite hilarious to see all of us adults, just as perplexed as the children, as to why Santa was here, and just who exactly it was. As Cousin Jeff said, “For three whole minutes, all of us were believers.”

Christmas Day began with the usual pot of coffee and the opening of presents, followed by a plate of cholesterol for brunch. Once we were awake, fed and packed, we hopped in the car, and headed to AJ’s place. As with everywhere else we went, food, drink and hugs were plentiful as soon as we walked in the door. We had a fantastic evening together, the best part being our annual “telephone sing song” that we do. You see, every year, after we are half-cut, we get out the guitar, do a quick practice, find the phone numbers of our loved ones, call them up and sing our very own medley of Xmas songs. Think ‘The Osmonds”, with an edge. Everyone really enjoys it, even the people on the other end of the phone. This year, we spiced up our routine a bit, and threw in our “family theme song” for the relatives, and in my opinion, we did quite well. When you make the people you love, laugh and cry and reminisce….well, it’s a good warm fuzzy feeling inside. Plus, we sounded pretty good, (we assume), so thumbs up to us.

This morning, after more good eats and some last minute visiting, we drove back to Small Town, tired but happy. It wasn’t long before B-Rock came over to visit, followed by the elusive Shmeed and Devo. Somehow, I snuck in a power nap between visitors, thank goodness.

Instead of heading out to the annual Small Town ‘Boxing Day Bash’, with the others tonight, I think I made the smart decision to stay home, eat nuts and watch ‘Law and Order’. This decision was based mostly due to lack of funds, feeling old(er), and the utter lack of ambition to get out of my pajamas or do my hair. Plus, I feel like I am all “visited out”, and truly do not have much more to say to anybody. Normally, I’d be pissed by now, buying some more drink tickets, making small talk with people I never bother to keep in contact with throughout the year, and waiting for the drunken fists to fly. And having a damn good time. What’s happened to me??? Oh well, some friends from The City are there, and I am sure I will get a play by play from at least a couple of them, so here’s hoping it’s eventful and they are having a good time!

I will be heading back tomorrow morning. B-Rock has graciously offered to give me a ride, (Ok, I told him I was catching a ride, and he graciously didn’t tell me to fuck off), and thus will conclude yet another Small Town Christmas. T’was a short visit, but a good one. Can’t wait for next year.

Happy Holidays, Xmas, Festivus, Whatever

What a beautiful spring day it is....oh wait a minute, it's Christmas Eve. Sorry 'bout that. Global Warming, you are a good friend to us who have to brave Saskatchewan winters. (Don't tell David Suzuki that I said that, please.)

I can't believe it's Xmas already. As friends arrive in town for the holiday, I will be heading out on the highway in a couple hours with the brothers, to frolic in SmallTown for a couple days. We will eat too much, drink too much, and most likely, GQ and I will get into some sort of arguement over washing dishes, or something equally ridiculous....'tis the season.

This is going to be our first Christmas that will not be spent on the farm, and although that is getting me down a bit, I guess change happens. This is a time of new beginnings for our little family, and no matter where we open our presents, eat our leftover turkey, and drink our booze, it's home....because we're together. Now if only we could smoke in Mom's new house, we'd be laughing.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a good Xmas. For the first time in about 10 years, I awoke this morning with not a hint of my annual Xmas Eve tonsilitis and strep throat, next to the love of my life, excited to spend three hours on the highway reading books and sleeping in the backseat of Filmstar's car. Although, I am a bit pouty because Mr. Head and I cannot spend Xmas together, we had our own little Xmas last night, and it was very nice to have some time to ourselves, opening presents and what not.

The next three days will be so busy with visiting and eating and driving, that time will fly by, and I'll be back to The City in no time flat. Just in time to see the out of town friends and rest up for New Year's shenanigans.

Here's hoping you all have a wonderful holiday as well, and your families don't drive you too bonkers.

Cheers!

Inner Struggles on a Sunday Afternoon

Uh oh. Here it comes......5-4-3-2-1.....

Abigail: Well hello there annual bout of Christmas depression. You must have missed me, you're coming on strong this year.

Annual Xmas Depression: Well dear, I noticed that last night, after you sucked back a few beers, you were well on your way anyways. Just thought I'd meet you at the half point.

Abigail: Thank you, I guess.

Annual Xmas Depression: It usually takes you a few days to get here, so I thought since you had some days off and nothing to do anyway, I'd just help you get the trip over with already.

Abigail: You know, there really isn't any reason for you to be here. I'm ok. Really.

Annual Xmas Depression: Oh, you lie. Like fucking dog, you lie.

Abigail:No, there isn't anything major going on. Nobody died,the weather's nice, I'm not broke and everyone around me seems to be happy and scrappy.

Annual Xmas Depression:Oh, but you feel like shit anyways. Come on, I know you better than anyone. You are lonely. You are pissed off. You are worried about money and your job and being left out now that your friends are making new friends, and you're laid up at home because of that damn leg, and this new feeling that you should be less of a drunk, and more of a responsible adult....that one's driving you crazy.

Abigail:Well, maybe a little bit. But at least I know that these are all silly little superficial problems. Everything will work out in the end. I'm just in a bit of a slump, because I'm bored, and am not sure quite what to do with myself. Sure I'm lonely..but everyone is just busy. I'd be busy too, if I could go to work.

Annual Xmas Depression:Uh huh.

Abigail:You're just trying to get me all worked up over nothing. Leave me the hell alone.

Annual Xmas Depression: You're a fiesty one this year. And no, I will not leave you the hell alone. This year, I've got some special ammunition up my sleeve.

Abigail:And that would be.....???

Annual Xmas Depression:You were used to being alone. Now you aren't. You've got a boyfriend, you shouldn't be feeling lonely. Sorry chicky, but I've got ya, no matter what you're trying to tell me. When I'm through with you, you are going to be so tired of over-analyzing every little thing in your love life, you're not going to be able to get out of bed.

Abigail: You're an asshole.

Annual Xmas Depression: Oooh, I hit a soft spot there. Why don't you just lay down in bed, put on that awful Morrissey album and cry out your eyes.

Abigail:I've got somewhere to be in an hour, and I'll be damned if I'm going out with my swollen 'crying face' on. Think I'd rather just have a beer, and listen to something other than Morrissey. Who I love, by the way.

Annual Xmas Depression: Have it your way then. And hey, have more than one beer, and I'll talk to you later on tonight, when it gets you so down, you'll want to kill yourself.

Abigail:As I said earlier, you're an asshole.

Annual Xmas Depression:You know I'm right though. So go to the fridge, grab another drink, and like I said, we'll talk later.

Abigail: Whatever you say, brain. Whatever you say. Go fuck yourself.

Annual Xmas Depression: Cheers!

This Ones for the Boys

Growing up, I always felt more comfortable being friends with the male of the species. They never expected me to act a certain way, accepted me for who I was, and just let me have fun, cut loose and speak my mind, without any major repercussions. Instead of being one of the girls that sat on the sidelines and watched the boys roughhouse at recess, giggling and trying to catch their attention, I caught their attention by running out and doing what they were doing, whether it was playing tackle street hockey, or building the biggest ramps on the planet to ride our toboggans over. As I got older though, the more I tried to be one of the girls. It didn't suit me much. I wasn't too good at gossiping, talking about my "female problems" and neither me nor my family had the money to keep me up with all the fashion trends. Although those girls from my younger years were wonderful in their own way, I just always felt like I didn't quite fit. I didn't trust them. They turned on each other every other minute, and I knew that my turn was going to come at some point, no matter how 'cool' I was, and I wasn't sure if I could deal with it. I had seen how evil they were to each other, and just how evil I could be when it was expected of me, and then one day in English class, I decided just to get 'my turn' over with, and go my own way. Beat them to the punch.

It was harsh. Just moments after I told our fearless leader of the week to "fuck off and die" (or something along those lines), the school was a buzz. Everyone in my school ( that went from grades six to twelve at the time) was told to stop talking to me. Horrible lies, insanely rude comments and harrassment of all kinds abounded. The popular girls, that had been my friends since kindergarten, were making sure I wasn't going to come out of this on top. I was sure I was going to need a bodyguard, and years of therapy, and was seriously re-considering my decision to quit following the crowd.

After a couple weeks of tip-toeing around school, missing out on all the social engagements that I had always attended and feeling like an absolute piece of shit, the boys came around. A couple of them were planning on skipping school for the afternoon and asked me if I wanted to come along for coffee. I told them I probably shouldn't, as I didn't feel like getting an ass-kicking from their girlfriends afterwards. They rolled their eyes, and told me to grab my jacket, they were leaving NOW. I spent the next few afternoons hanging out with the guys. I revelled in the fact that I could say what I wanted to say, wear what I wanted to wear, and laugh my fool head off.

One day after school, the boys and I were heading to our regular hangout to loiter and try to score free coffee, as per usual. As we were sneaking out the side door, "the girls" caught up with us, and informed the boys that they were coming with us, as they shot me incredibly evil looks. Although I just wanted to back out, and make up an excuse as to why I changed my mind, I went along. "I was invited, and you weren't", I thought to myself, and lead the way.

It was a gruelling couple of hours. I had to sit and watch giggly girls, flirting and acting like they were stupid. I couldn't get a word in edge-wise, and for the first time in my life, couldn't wait until my mom was off of work, so I could go home. At some point, I decided that I had had enough, and told the guys I had to go. The girls were over at the fooseball table, flirting with some older guys, and one of the boys told me to sit back down, he had something to say to me. "Oh this is fucking great. The guys have realized what a loser I am, too." I cringed.

He sat across from me in the booth, and stared me straight in the eye.

"You aren't like them." he said.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
" You don't act like you're stupid. You aren't stupid. You're funny, and pretty, and you are a cool, cool chick, who is fine just being herself. Don't ever feel like you have to be like them, we like you just the way you are."

This guy, who spent much of his youth snapping my bra, pummelling me with snowballs, stealing my belongings and basically embarrassing the crap out of me, had just given me the greatest compliment ever. As well as the biggest boost of confidence I had ever felt. And he didn't even want to get in my pants.

I left that day, promising myself that I would forever be myself. Whoever didn't like it, could kiss my ass. I have never broken that promise to myself, or the guys I hung out with in high school.

I was never welcomed fully back into that clique of girls. Even now, as an adult, I know that I am different than they are, and when I run into them at reunions, on holidays and the like, we make polite small talk. For the most part, they are all still a part of each other's lives, and I have nothing to do with it. I don't really care what they are up to, and vice versa.

And all I can say about that is...is good for me.

Forced Holiday

I went for my final surgery on my leg on Tuesday, to remove the incredibly uncomfortable plate and pins. "You are no longer bionic, sweety", the nurse informed me as she woke me from my hazy morphine sleep. Although I was nervous in the days prior to my surgery, about sooooo many different things, I have now embraced this as a a much needed holiday, and if I needed to have an operation to get it, it is still worth it. I was burned out. I was tired. I needed to get away from work, and be forced to take a break from my social life as well.

I wasn't thinking like this the past couple of days though. Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of spending any time with me while I am sick or injured knows that it takes me some time to accept the fact that I am sick or injured. I absolutely abhor the thought of having to ask for help. It is embarrassing to me, someone who prides herself in "being able to do everything on her own, without any of your damn help", to have to bite the bullet and admit that I cannot make my own morning coffee, do my own laundry, go to the store, or bathe myself. (Although I did attempt bathing yesterday, and it didn't end in tears. It didn't end in clean hair either.) I am extremely grateful for all of the concerned callers, friends who dropped in (especially Cookeroo, B-Rock and the fabulous Mr. Head) to bring me cigarettes, books and the like. However, at the same time, my brain couldn't get off the fact that I just want to be able to do this all by myself. But, my body won out over my brain, and after a fall in the kitchen, spilling hot tea all over my torso, tripping over the cats a thousand times and realizing there is no frickin' way I can go anywhere independantly without shovelling all the snow that surrounds my car, I calmed down, started reading my second book of the week, and just accepted the fact, that whether I like it or not, I have an injured leg, and I have got to look after it.

I awoke this morning, my leg throbbing much less than it had been the past couple mornings. I hobbled about with my crutches for a few minutes, and then decided that I had had enough of no coffee in the mornings, and got to work. It has only been a couple of years since I first smashed my leg up, and I was on crutches for a much longer period of time, and I was able to go about my day, and do things around the house for myself. I just had to sit and think. How exactly did I carry objects? What was that technique I had when I needed to stand for longer periods of time, and my crutches were in the way? The harder I thought, the more everything came back to me, and I was on my way to having a regular day.

After I had drank some coffee, had a less than stellar bowel movement (damn you Tylenol 3!), and fed the cats, I got up the courage to put the crutches down. I hobbled slowly to my bedroom, and back to the kitchen to get more coffee, walking on tip toe, not wanting to break anything. "Wait, I'm not broken anymore, I am just sore", I thought to myself, and shuffled with a bit more confidance. V-Man told me it looked like there was a dancer in the house.

So yes, today is my day. If I can alternate crutches, cane and no ambulatory aids at all for the next few days, when the staples come out, I will hopefully be good as new. Sure, I won't be dancing my pants off on Saturday nights for awhile, and my Olympic training will have to wait, but I'll be OK.

Thank you Mr. Head, for urging me to get this surgery done. All of this is definatly worth it.

I take no responsibility for spelling and grammar mistakes, and if this doesn't make any sense at all. Blame the painkillers people, blame the painkillers. :)

A Hazy Shade of Winter

Please be advised that everything is A-Ok, and will be even OK-er, once I finish work at 10pm on Friday night, and start drinking and shmoozing and feeling overall fantastic!! (after which I will drag my boyfriend home to bed with me.) Cheers!

I am so very tired.

Tired from irregular sleep.

Tired from work.

Tired of this feeling that I am doing nothing productive in the spare time I do have.

Tired of this fucking snow and wind that just isn't showing any signs of leaving us.

Tired of watching fuzzy CBC and listening to fuzzy radio.

Tired of feeling fat, lazy and horny all at the same time.

Tired of doing the dishes.

Tired of chewing my nails down to nubs.

Tired of sitting here, wanting to leave the house, socialize, run errands, and knowing full well that I just won't do any of those things, even though there is no reason whatsoever why I can't.

Tired of this god damn writers block.

Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the wine. Most likely the wine, because after a couple of glasses, I decided to continue this wee rant of mine, just to get it all out of my system.

I am tired of worrying.

I am sick and tired of being bored.

I am tired of all the wondering.

I am tired of my split ends and wrinkles.

I am tired of Christmas carols, already.

I am sick and tired of being afraid of the ice.

I am tired of feeling trapped in this small room, but at the same time not wanting to leave.

I am tired of knowing everything's OK, but still feeling like it is not.

I am tired of whining. I am going to bed.

Good night.

At Least I Was Finished Work By 3:00.

How to properly chillax after a day of listening to yelling and screaming, being pushed around and cleaning snot, drool and mushy Cheezies off the back seat of your car:

1. Giggle to yourself when you notice that someone is dealing with something worse than you were dealing with all day.

2. Get in your car, light a cigarette, take a swig of the cold coffee that you left on the front seat at 9:00am, and crank up some old punk. Let the co-workers that you've never bothered to introduce yourself to stare as you zip out of the parking lot, spitting frozen gravel about behind you.

3. Stop at the liquor store, purchase a 6 pack of Stella Artois. Don't cringe at the price, just do it.

4. Walk into house, say hi to cats, retreat to bedroom, light candles, turn on TV.

5. Open Stella. Luckily, you have a Stella Artois bottle opener* in your purse, and you don't have to go get one from the kitchen.

6. Take off socks. And pants.

7. Sit at computer. Read blogs. Check email.

8. Open another Stella.

9. Stare out the window blankly.

10. Hop into bed with remote control in hand. Decide to stay there until you come up with something better to do. Like leave the house, or pleasure yourself. Or sleep. Doesn't matter really, you've had a rough day. Just go with the flow.


* I don't normally carry a bottle opener around in my purse. It came into my possession at Pub Trivia last Sunday, and I have yet to put it somewhere more appropriate.

A Warm Cup O' List on a Cold Blustery Day

1. Yup, it's winter alright. The roads are icy, the snow is blowing, and everyone is walking in baby steps down the sidewalk.

2. At approximately 11:45 am today, in the Walmart parking lot, I seriously considered abandoning my autistic participant with the shopping cart guy, kidnapping Mr. Head from work, and heading to somewhere warm; where the small amount of money I have in my bank account, would make me appear quite wealthy.

3. I spent $70.00 on clothes and a new backpack today. I needed both. What I went shopping for however, was a pair of winter boots and a bathing suit for work. Of course, I purchased neither. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a cheap bathing suit in November? Guess I'll have to wait until January, when the summer clothes hit the shelves.

4. The rest of my prescription is ready and waiting at Shopper's Drug Mart. Whew, was worried I might have to abstain next week.

5. I desperately want to grow fresh herbs in pots in my kitchen. I'm guessing I should have desperately wanted to do this in the freaking summer time, when they would be more readily available, and/or I could have asked my mommy for the plants themselves.

6. Craving of the day: My bedroom is filled with the wonderful aroma of egg nog scented candles. If I didn't have to go back into work tonight, I'd be having myself a rum and eggnog about now. Yummy.

7. Song of the Day: The New Pornographers version of "You're Daddy Don't Know", or whatever it's called. I realized during rush hour traffic this morning, that I can hit the high notes if I really belt it out. Yay me!

8. I bought 2 pairs of comfy yoga pants in the past week. They'll be great for work, and home. However, if any of you notice that I start to wear them all day, everyday, please take me aside, and reprimand me, and hand me a pair of jeans. The fact that they are so comfy, makes me worry that I am turning into my dad (King of the Sweat Pants) more and more every day.

9. Thank you, Film Star, for reminding me that Xmas is coming. I am going to try my darndest to do even a smidgeon of shopping before Xmas Eve this year. I'd say I'll get it all done, but I don't want to set myself up for failure.

10. There are some old friends, that should just remain in your distant memories. If I haven't contacted you in 10 years, and when you try to contact me, I ignore you, it most likely means, I don't give a shit what you're up to. Right?

11. This afternoon, I was reminded how frustrating it was to be twenty-three.

12. Tentative Plan for Saturday: To finally get crackin' on my "Makit and Bakit Bowls" kit I bought two months ago at Toys R' Us.

13. Countdown! In four and a half hours, I will be finished my work for the day, and I am going to rush over to a certain someone's apartment, and hide from this blustery cold that I am not ready to deal with.

Solitude, on a Saturday Afternoon

I don't have to work today. I am not hungover. The sun is shining. Sounds like as good a day as any to get out and do something productive, or fun even. So, why do I just want to stay here in my bedroom all day, in my mis-matched pajama-type outfit, and stare blankly out the window?

Because I'm exhausted, that's why. Too much work, too much wine, too much song, not enough sleep, the past couple of weeks. These activities, are killing me. I'm burning out. Thus, I will spend today doing nothing*,socializing with no one, (until later this evening of course, shit, it is Saturday). I will regret this 'doing nothing' later in the day though, when I realize that I have neglected to do mundane chores and errands that should have been taken care of, as this truly is the only day I have to do them. That's just the way I am.

The truth is though, there are more days to do the mundane chores, and as far as I'm concerned, at the moment, they should just wait until Spring. Even though Winter hasn't even hit us full force yet, my annual "Blah's" started to creep up on me a couple weeks ago, and with such a hectic work and social schedule, I've been having a hard time fighting them off. So maybe, just maybe, a Saturday afternoon spent cooped up in my room is what I need to re-energize. It's a step anyways.

I've started back on my St. John's Wort, and have been trying desperatly to remember to take my vitamins every morning. I keep reminding myself that I truly am happier right now than I have been in fucking ages, and most of these blah's are caused by lack of sunlight, and the need to wear bulky clothes and scrape ice from my windshield every morning. Small annoyances, that become larger throughout a busy, stressful day. Tiny nuisances that can easily set me on a path of negative thinking.

I am finding that this year, so far anyways, really is different. Yep, I feel like crawling into bed and never getting out. Sure, I want to throw the phone and/or alarm clock through the wall occasionally. Uh huh, I can't stop chewing my nails or pulling out my eyebrows. As per usual, I'm feeling uber-sensitive and insecure about everything under the sun, and think that it might be better if I just went away until these feelings passed. But the depressing, 'poor, poor pitiful me' feelings are not as strong as they once were. I'm guessing it's because the good is starting to out-weigh the bad, and I have come to understand, and even appreciate, some of 'the bad', for what it is, and how it shapes me and those around me. And I am even starting to appreciate all of 'the good', instead of poo-poohing it, and thinking that 'it's just going to go away anyways', so I shouldn't pay it much attention. I'm enjoying it. It's nice to be happy. And I deserve it.

On that positive note, I'm going to stop here,(who knows, the positive attitude could change in a second) and go and enjoy the rest of my do-nothing day, with a cigarette in the sun, some nacho's and maybe even a short nap.In that order.

---------------------------------------------

* doing nothing: includes laundry, washing dishes, driving people places, playing with the cats, having a quick game of poker, having an itchy, but somehow relaxing, bath and watching Season 2 of Dawson's Creek** on DVD.

** Judge me if you like, but I find that at times, watching cheesy DVD's from the library, in this case,Dawson's Creek, is a nice distraction from real life. This week, the problems of the kids of Capeside, have been a nice distraction from my own.

Oh Yes, My Job is Very Hard. ;)

This can't be happening to me. I have the opportunity to sit here at work this morning, steal music, and make myself a new disc to listen to in my car on the way home, and I can't think of anything to download, that I don't already have. Well, there is one song, but for some odd reason, I just can't find it.

Now, I know I don't own everything, so why can't I think of anything? I'd love to hear something new, but I'm so out of the loop, I don't even know what's new anymore.
Maybe, just maybe, this whole ability to steal whatever music I want, when I want, has taken the thrill out of making mixes. It's too easy.

I remember making mix tapes back in the day. Our family hadn't yet purchased a dual cassette player, thus, we spent many a Saturday afternoon, trying to convince the entire universe to just shut up for a couple hours, so we could place two different cassette players speaker to speaker (and sometimes the 8-track or record player against the cassette player), just to record the original music onto the blank cassette. Of course, it was always inevitable that mother would start to vacuum, the dog would bark, or someone would call to chat, as soon as you had it set up and started recording...thus ruining the 'high quality' sound you had worked so hard for.

Even when we did come into the eighties, and there was a dual cassette player in the house, the making of the mix tape was an incredible process. We were very lucky, and all of us kids were members of the Columbia Record and Tape Club, so we had alot of music to choose from, due to our massive tape collections. I was also lucky enough to have friends who liked to trade tapes, so when a new album came out, there was most likely someone who had it, and would lend it to you to record.

Anyways, back to my point.

Unlike now, when I can just burn 20 songs, in no particular order, onto a disc in 2 minutes flat, the making of the mix tape had to be done just so. A list of potential songs would be written down first, so I could sit and ponder about the order in which they were to be recorded. Should it start off with a bang, or soft and slow? Should Side A and Side B be completely different, for example, one side hair metal, and the other love songs and ballads? Ah, the choices I had to make! And of course, there was always the question of all of my songs fitting on the tape, and the fear that the last song on each side could be cut off 30 seconds in? Inevitably, even after all the careful planning, I would get to the end of Side A, and the next song on the list wouldn't fit, and another, shorter song, would be hunted down like prey, just to get the project done.

You see? It was alot of work. However, here I am today, with all the technology and free music I could ask for right at my fingertips, and I can't put one stinking disc together. The challenge of the Saturday afternoon mix tape is gone, and with it, a little bit of my creativity as well.

Anyhoo, have a good weekend everyone, I should get back to the mentally challenged folk, and make them some brunch.

Abigail Is Back, But For A Moment.

Been awhile hasn't it? I know, I should have some amazing explanation as to where I have been, and why I haven't been posting, but alas, I do not. The only excuse I can muster up is that I'm lazy, and don't have much to say. And that's the lamest excuse I've heard all day.

However, I have been doing some fantastically lazy blogging over at VOX, so if you feel the need to check that out, go forth and do so at http://abigailroad.vox.com. Oh, and I have like 4 or 6 invites to give away, so if anybody...and I mean anybody...wants one, just email me,or let me know in the comments, and I'll hook you up.

Where to begin, when you have not been in contact with the Interweb for so long? Do I tell you all about my mom finally selling her house? Do I giggle and gush about my wonderful boyfriend? I bet you want to hear about my car troubles, and how I have now put more money into repairs than I did to pay for it? My new job, that is actually an old job? I've got a new kitten, and she's full of piss and vinegar....now I know you want to hear all about that.

No worries, soon enough, you will hear about it all!

Well, now that summer's over, and winter is creeping up on us, I'm sure I'll be around more often. As for the right now, I need to nurse myself back to health, as I have a double whopper of a head cold, which will entail one more cup of tea, and yet another nice warm bath, accompanied by numerous decongestants and muscle relaxants. And if I can muster the energy to go and pick it up, I'll top off my home remedies with some good ol' Jagermeister.

Have a happy Tuesday.

The Crazy Days Of Summer (Part Two)

Six more hours, and it's back to the grind of the group home. I've been on holidays for a couple weeks, and I must say, that until yesterday, while I was baking in the sun, drinking beer with Red and Mr. Head, it didn't feel as though I had been on holiday at all.

My holidays started the day that Mr. Henry arrived in Canada, and it's been go, go, go ever since. Family reunion fun, getting up early basically every day for something or other, Folk Fest shenanigans, car troubles, and Melrose Place type chaos, courtesy of Marla and Mr. Henry, have kept myself and everyone around me it seems, feeling stressed, silly, and on the edge of losing our noodles.

Moving, break-ups, family disfunction, financial woes, and international lies have filled August, thus far, for the lot of us, and have made for some sleepless nights, seemingly never-ending analyzing of events, and a lot of beer drinking.

I think that sometimes, we need to have a bit of drama to keep us on our toes. Although it can get a bit annoyingly stressful, when everyone is hit with something not-so-good at once, it brings us a bit closer. It reminds us that we have fantastic friends who love us, and will do anything for us. Through our stress and our tears and our anger, we've had some great laughs, good fun, and have even picked up some new comrades along the way.

As usual, my mom was right. Everything really is going to be okay, and work out the way it should. For me, for my friends and everyone else sucked into the drama that is August.

Now if only I could figure out a way to get out of working for a living, but still get a paycheck.

The Crazy Days Of Summer

So, I need a big, huge, wallop of a favor. If someone out there has the power to do so, I would like some extra time tacked on to summer. Perhaps, we can extend August by another 30 days or so. If that was possible, you would hear less, "I have no time for anything/this month is going by too feckin' fast",from me, and the world will be a happier place.

I know, July isn't even over. I'm jumping the gun, and trying to rush summer, you say? Screw that, I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to fit in all the fun and frivolity (as well as not-so-fun engagements) I have planned into 4 weeks of holidays/slacking at work. Because I am me, I will get it all done, and have a great time as well, but holy hell, one look at my day planner tells me, it's not going to be easy.

Bitch Bitch Bitch. Whine. Moan. Big Heavy Sigh.

See what happens when I have one whole day to do nothing but sit around and sew and watch re-runs of CSI? I think too much. It started this morning, when I reminded myself that I have to return my mom's cooler to her, so we can fill it with beer and whatnot for our family reunion on August long weekend. Then, thinking of the family reunion, I realized that I have to pick up Mr. Henry at the airport the night before I must head to Small Town. Whilst sewing a skirt, I decided to do inventory on my crafts, to see how much I have to sell, and realized I do not have enough stock for the three day Folk Fest extravaganza that is in mid-August, and I really have to get my ass in gear getting things created and re-designed. Thinking of Folk Fest, got me thinking about how in the hell I am going to keep the peace between myself, Mr. Henry and Mr. Head for 2 weeks. (which is a whole other story on it's own, so if you care to know what's going on, feel free to ask.)Next thing you know, TypicalQuirk walks in, and reminds me that Hobbsley wants to have a farewell toga party for himself before he leaves in August, and I realized that all my weekends prior to him leaving are already booked up, and I will have to either go without sleep, or change some plans, as well as find a really cool sheet to make into a toga. Sheesh.

You'd think the worrying and over-thinking would end there. No way, Jose.

My mom emailed me tonight, to let me know that there has been another offer on her house, and if it goes through, she'll have to be out by the start of September. Although I want it to sell, for her sake, September is just too soon. What with August being so busy, how can I start thinking of the big changes in September? Thankfully, I get to spend a week in Small Town in August, and I should be able to finangle some time to help her pack and run through the yard and fields a bit before the new owners move in, and put the kibosh on some strange Ukrainian girl frolicking in their yard.

Now that MOST of the thoughts of the day are out of my head, and in cyberspace, I can breathe easy for the rest of this here night shift, and maybe do my job. Maybe. Tomorrow is another day, and a day off at that, and all will be well, as usual. Cheers.

Not Much Going On, Except Bingo and Weather Reporting

It really is amazing just how much the weather seems to affect my mood. After a week of rain, that truly threatened to never go away, and put a damper on what could have been many joyous times outside in the fresh air, yesterday morning, the sun peeked it's head out, raised the temperature to a nice 22 degrees by mid-morning, and Abigail was instantly happy and scrappy once again. Half way through those days of neverending rain, cool temperatures and minimal sunshine, I got the feeling that the universe was just having a nice big laugh at my expense, by throwing in a Full Moon and nutbar hormones to boot. So I am apologizing right now, to those who felt the wrath.

But yesterday, oh yesterday. It was no different than any of the rainy days past. I organized my belongings, just because I wanted to. I pushed through crowds at an Evil Corporation, just to get Rubbermaid containers and a new bra for half the price it would cost an the other Evil Corporation down the street. I fell asleep on the couch, because I couldn't bring myself to turn off the TV and walk the 3 feet to my bedroom.(Ok, I admit... I was having trouble taking my eyes off of my nemisis Ann Coulter, being interviewed on some American morning show. She just wouldn't shut the fuck up, and I couldn't stop yelling at the TV.) I had an amazing sleep, although riddled with strange dreams about a certain CNN anchor, and when I awoke, and the sun was still out, I hopped up and got my day started! I put on my new skirt and went for a walk in the neighborhood, mentally voting for who has the best garden along the way. I stopped to buy cigarettes and a Bingo scratcher on my way home. I won 10 bones on the Bingo scratcher, and feeling all fuzzy inside, I sat down and watched Al Gore on Larry King before heading off to work at midnight.

Still ecstatic about my big Bingo win yesterday, I started off my morning by cashing it in. I am no gambler. In my family, it is now custom to buy scratchers for each other at Xmas and on birthdays...and I never win. But the OCD in me likes to scratch the tickets just so. So when confronted with the question "Do you just want to get some more tickets?", I shouted out "No way!", and spent $3 on a newspaper and a coffee. I kicked myself a little for not picking up a couple more newpapers. No sense in taking a chance on the other tickets...what if I didn't get anything out of it? At least now, I have an extra $7 to spend the way I want. "My god", I though, "I am the lamest of the lame." Promise me dear readers, if I ever win more than 10 dollars, I do more than spent it on newspapers, coffee and beer. Oh who am I kidding? I know exactly what I'd do. And after those debts were paid, I'd be on the road. You're welcome to join me.

Hmmm....daydreaming about winning the lottery. So much fun. Just like the rest of the week will be if the weather keeps up. I'm crossing my fingers, and hoping for a beautiful weekend.

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Once again updated the photo album. There's more to come, when I'm feeling less lazy.

I am loving reading what The Girl has to say.

Because this was emailed to me (is that an invite?) I'm passing it on to all you Saskatchewan Bloggernauts.

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Rejected.ReUsed.ReWorn.

Ever since I was young, I aspired to be arsty and crafty and creative. Well, I guess I have always been moderatly artsy, crafty and creative, but I have never really done anything with my half-ass talents. I love writing, but I'm a lazy writer. I used to play musical instruments, but in my adult years, I have basically given them up, for no particular reason. To my dismay, I cannot draw anything but stick figures and doodles on scraps of paper. I long to be a good amateur photographer, but I really just don't have the equipment, or the eye for it. However, there have been a couple hobbies of mine that I have kept up with over the years, and it has always been in the back of my head, that one day I was going to use them to make some of my money back that I have spent on supplies. But, I never actually followed through on any of my plans to cash in on something I'm good at, due to time constraints, my job, and my embarrassingly low self-esteem and sense of self-confidence. Until now.

Last fall, I decided that I was going to get back to my hobbies, and spend the winter making jewellery, bags, and clothing. Just as I had hundreds of times before, I thought, if I could get enough product together, I would apply to be in one of the many summer festivals in The City as a craft vendor, and see what I could do. If nothing else, I was doing something creative that I enjoyed, and that would be good for my mental health.

Shortly after I started my project, I got to talking to FilmStar's girlfriend Katie, and she informed me that she too really liked to sew, and that her and a friend also made jewellery and were having some success selling it. We decided to partner up, and our little hippie clothing and accessory business was born.

Katie and I spent loads of time this winter sitting in the living room at the House of Pain, making jewellery, taking turns at my old sewing machine, and making a mess of the main floor with scraps of material, patterns, thread and broken needles. With her as a partner, I gained enough self-confidence to truly be excited about applying to be a vendor at the festivals, and when I found out that we were chosen, I was fucking ecstatic. FINALLY...I had followed through on something. We had to get organized. We had to do this. I had to put myself, and my crafts out there for all to see. And all I can do is hope for the best. If I sell something, that's fantastic. If I don't, at least I jumped a personal hurdle, and tried my best...and had tons of fun doing it.

This coming Saturday is our first festival. I'm not quite ready, I'm a bit nervous, we still need a few odds and ends in order to have a nice set-up, and I have a few bags and more jewellery that I need to finish up, but other than that, we are ready to go...and we're both really excited and can't wait to see how it turns out. Since it's an outdoor street fair, all that we (and all the other vendors) need is a nice warm day, with no rain to do OK in sales...which isn't in the forecast, but hey, it's Saskatchewan, and weather predictions really mean diddly squat.

So wish me luck, and if you're going to be there, stop on by and say howdy-do.

UPDATE: Although the weather was not nice to us festival people today, we did do quite well at our little booth! We both turned a profit, people were very nice, all of our friends and then some came to visit throughout the day, and we had many people ask for our contact information....so they can track us down and buy more stuff! YAY! (mental note....get those business cards done pronto!) So ya, all was well, other than some frigid toes! Thanks to everyone who came by to say 'hi' and look around! Smootches for all!

My Most Favoritest Things About Summer (Part One)

Well, it's still technically Spring, but the weather tells me that Summer is officially here. I see no more snow in the forecast, and according to the local paper this weekend, official weather people are predicting a hot, dry summer. As long as there are a few fantastic thunderstorms tucked in there somewhere, I'll be happy as a dirty old man at Hooters for the next few months. There are so many wonderful and beautiful things about this particular Summer that I am looking forward to, and so many things that I love to look back on, that I got the over-whelming urge to write a list of my most favorite things about this season. And you know how much I love lists.

#1. The Sunshine. Ok, sure there are sunny days all year round....but waking up to sun pouring in the windows, watching the sun set late at night, and catching the great rays of Vitamin D all day long, is absolutely super fantastic.

#2. The Clothes. Tanks tops, skirts, 'home-made' capri pants, sandals. These are the items of clothing I dream about wearing from September to March. And yes, I am aware that you can wear skirts in the winter as well....but come on now, who the heck actually enjoys wearing pantyhose or tights? Not this cowgirl.

#3. The People. There are certain individuals in my life, that disappear without a trace, the second the days become shorter and the temperature starts to drop, and I don't see them until everything is summer-y again. On any given day in the warmer weather though, I will run into one or all of these individuals, at the pub, in the park, at a festival.....and we get on like we saw each other yesterday. This is also the season that brings new fabulous friends and accquaintances into my life...I think that all the sunshine makes us more willing to engage in conversations and shenanigans with strangers. Or at least that's the way it is with me.

#4. Outdoor Festivals and Concerts. No matter what type of festival it is, or what kind of music is being played, I can't think of a better way to spend a day, a night or a weekend, than wandering around aimlessly, hopping from craft/food vendor, to beer garden to musical main stage, just taking it all in. And of course having a few too many drinks, just enough laughs, and hopefully coming away with a new favorite band, a new favorite food, or a new summer friend.

#5. Thunderstorms and Rainshowers. Of course, if there is too much of this kind of weather, it throws me into 'Eeyore' mode, and all I can do is whine about how much I need and miss Sunshine in my life. However, a good hardore thunderstorm in the late afternoon or early evening, after a hot, humid day full of sweat and B.O. is magnificent. Watching the sky turn from blue to that orangy grey, I get all excited and head to the windows, just waiting for that first "Crash!!!Clap!!!Bang!!!" of thunder...and feel like a little kid on Xmas morning, watching all the rain splash down on us while lightening threatens to zap us. And oh boy, don't get me started on how excited I get when I hear there are tornado warnings.....I know, it's horrible, and can be quite possibly devastating......but the adrenaline rush a good Summer storm gives me, is like no other.

Well, that's all for today, I've got to get ready for work. Stay tuned for more listy goodness.

UPDATE: Knowing me, I will never finish the second part of this entry, but I will try, as I sure would like to tell y'all about the Canada Day camping trip!

Weighing In on Weight Gain

So, I gained about 20 pounds of blubber over the winter. I'm not impressed. Actually, I'm not impressed with myself at the moment, as I know I could have started doing something about it a long time ago, and now, I am basically behind on my goal weight that I wanted for summer. I wanted to be as svelt as possible, because I'm sick of worrying about what I look like at friends weddings, family functions and so on. It's probably all in my head, but I really have to wonder what these people think ,who haven't seen me since I was skinny, when they see me now. I imagine, that after whatever function, some aunt/cousin/long lost friend, are driving in their car, turn to their passenger and say "What a nice wedding/reunion/funeral that was. But, wowzee, has Abigail gotten a bit rotund!". OK, nobody talks like that. But you get my point.

Growing up, we were a fairly healthy family, and I think I really need to thank my parents for not pumping us full of fast food, junk food, and the like. Chips and sweets were for Xmas and birthdays. If we went on a trip to a city, we might stop at a fast food joint for lunch. Pop was not allowed, unless it was a special occasion and there were other kids around, as it was 'mix' for the adults, and was not to be touched. We were constantly ushered outside to ride bikes, play in the creek, go swimming, skiiing, tobogganning, play sports, and everything else. We ate healthy, home-cooked meals every single day. It's because of this, that to this day I couldn't give a good god damn about chocolate or Coca Cola,and I am able to keep my salt addiction under control if I put my mind to it. However, even though I was raised to eat well, and be active, over the past few years, I have turned into a lazy city person, who orders out, and takes cabs, because of laziness or time constraints. Yuck.

I realize that the extreme lack of exercise, and eating too many carbs, (I'm sorry, I'm poor. Pasta and rice are definatly in my budget) and drinking too much beer are the reason I'm turning into a whale. I also know that I could very easily drop about 15 pounds pronto, if I just got my ass in gear, maybe had a nagging friend or two who could assist me in getting my ass in gear. But mostly, it's all on my shoulders, and dagnabbit, today's the day. It's time to stop fucking around. Or maybe start fucking around....according to Cosmo, hard-core lovin' can burn a heap of calories.

I woke up yesterday, and the first thing I thought of was my bicycle.* My car was almost out of gas, and at that time, payday was 2 days away. (Now it's 22 hours and counting) I realized that I bought the car for the sole purpose of being able to get to work and back, getting groceries, and the odd road trip. However, since buying it, I have become lazier than ever. I used to walk downtown. Now I drive. I used to have to walk to the bus. I don't take the bus anymore. And so on. I sicken myself. I decided that the first thing I was going to do when I cashed my paycheck, was head to Canadian Tire, and by myself a bike lock, so I can use my bike and only my bike on the weekends, and whenever I am not doing the aformentioned activities that the car is supposed to be for. I was so pumped, that I went to the Petro Can, filled the tires with air, and bicycled over to Delores' place. I felt great. Once I do it a couple times, I'll be addicted. It's my personality. I also remembered my ecstacy only a couple months ago, when the snow and ice started to melt, and how I was so happy that I would be able to go for walks, and just plain walk everywhere I needed to go. B-Rock lent me his discman, I filled discs full of MP3's, and walked my ass off for 2 weeks.....and then I got this evil car. I love walking, I love biking, and I think I just needed to weigh myself yesterday, so I could get my excitement for simple exercise back.

I must stick up for myself though, when I am berating myself. I have been playing frisbee in the park every weekend, as often as possible. I eat as healthy as my bank account will allow. I count the 4 hours of hardcore dancing I do every Saturday night as exercise, because I usually push myself so hard I'm sweating like a mofo and last week, I even thought I was going to keel over and die, if The DJ didn't play a shitty song, so I could sit down and take a break. And hey, I brought the bike out yesterday.

I can do it. Right??

* Every single time I say the word 'bicycle', that Queen song runs through my head. "I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike...."

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Ladies, check this site out. Gentlemen, it's not what you think, you dirty boys. :) CheckOutMyBreasts.Com

I love this fantastic music-related blog I stumbled across. It's called Mocking Music, and is chalk-full of reviews, suggested downloads, rants, concert listings......all the good stuff.

Apparently, we're going to be peace-keeping it up for quite awhile. Why not drop a line to one or all of our Canadian troops abroad.

My Adventures With A Space Alien

I have been 'tagged' by the Almighty Schmutzie to tell y'all "Six Weird Things About Me". However, I have thought about it, and I figure, my friends and my regular readers probably already know more than six things about me that are just plain weird, so I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you Six Weird and/or Surprising Things about The Pub crew's new mascot and friend E.T. (Yup, that E.T.!)....who was introduced to us by Red, who was introduced to E.T. via our Hot Toronto Friend.

But before we get to that, I just want to send out two super duper, bigger than life, thank you's to Schmutzie and Film Star for helping me figure out how to post images on my site. Still not exactly what I was going for, but I'm slowly but surely figuring everything out..because you cats rock.

1. E.T. has a bit of a drinking problem. But don't we all like to occasionally indulge a bit too much on a Friday afternoon?

2. Believe it or not, E.T. is quite the daredevil, and regularily participates in competitive skateboarding. However, at the moment he is suspended from all competition, due to the fact that he was caught cheating. No flying allowed buddy, no flying allowed!


3. He's quite the ladies man (or is that alien?), and has a bad habit of pulling the ol' wham bam, thank you ma'am when he's feeling randy. Ladies, beware of his charming ways!


4. He's got a gambling problem that he just won't deal with. He swears he wins back more than he puts in, but somehow, I just don't quite believe him anymore.


5. E.T. likes to play Hide and Seek. He also likes to pose for silly pictures....but don't we all. Just look at that innocent looking face! Hey, wait a minute....what were you doing in the bathroom E.T.??? You sicko.


6. Small alien = small bladder. Once that Guinness kicks in, and he breaks that seal, he's in and out of that bathroom every half pint it seems. I swear, he should just get some adult diapers and wear them out to the bar....it's be easier to carry on a conversation if he wasn't having to run away to take a leak every 2 seconds!

Happiness is a Warm Spring Morning

Ah, spring. Thanks to the warm weather, the sporadic rain showers cleaning the streets, and the birds chirping every morning while I mop the floors at the group home, this has been one happy, energetic girl the past couple weeks. Even though we had an extremely mild winter, in Saskatchewan terms, it still seemed too long, too gray, and way too ho-hum.

I’m finding it very hard to stay inside. I want to be out walking around the lake, sitting with the dog and cat in the backyard, chain-smoking and reading (me, not the animals….they just eat grass and sniff each others bums), and drinking pints on the patio (which I am assured will be up and running ASAP!) at The Pub with all the wonderful summertime crew. Springtime makes me happy, thirsty, and lazy (when it comes to household chores, and other boring wintertime activities), which isn’t so bad, I keep telling myself. Unfortunately however, I work nights, and need to sleep during the day…..which is becoming increasingly difficult, what with the sunshine pouring in through the blinds, and the glorious summertime noise of leaves being raked, skateboards grinding down the sidewalk, and kids laughing on the way to the ice cream parlor up the street. If I keep this up, by autumn, I’ll be loony-tune. I guess sleep deprivation is just one minor obstacle I will have to overcome, in order to enjoy the glorious months of good weather ahead of me.

So far, I’ve been doing alright. Basically living off 4 hours sleep a day, I have had the time to go for walks, become more of a regular at The Pub than ever before,(which isn't necessarily a good thing, but it's a good excuse to walk downtown to be a social butterfly, and catch up with everyone), BBQ almost everyday, join in on a few impromptu games of Frisbee with Frisbee-Boy, (who I hope will continue popping up out of nowhere for the rest of the summer, as he forces exercise on me, which I am quite grateful for), and just wander aimlessly around downtown, looking for adventure, conversation and whatever else the weather throws at me.

I kicked off the season with a heck of a bang this past weekend, with what I continuously repeated was "The Bestest Weekend Ever!!". On the Friday, I went for after work drinks with the girls in the afternoon, which turned into getting locked in The Pub with The Unknown Poet, and stumbling out at around 4 or 5 am, using what little good judgment I had left, to just go home, and not go to the house party I so wanted to attend. The Unknown Poet did not have such good judgment, and attended the party. After learning that, I wished I had the energy to go along with him. But it is a good thing I didn’t, because I awoke Saturday, with surprisingly not a lick of a hangover, BBQ’d some smokies for breakfast, relaxed in the yard, started my soon to be ever-present sunburn, and just enjoyed a day with no plans and no expectations. That evening was already planned for me, so I milked the schedule-free afternoon for all it was worth. However, the evening did turn out to be a right hoot, beginning with a meet and greet and appetizers at my friend Jonny’s, then heading to a Hawksley Workman show, and capping off the night with dancing and drinking too many iced teas. ( make note---I DID NOT DRINK ). Sunday started off in a hurry, with a phone call from B-Rock inviting me to brunch with Red and GQ, so I threw myself together, and was off to get coffee and a buffet full of greasy goodness in my stomach. After eating, we noticed that Hawksley and Mr. Lonely were also enjoying some brunch, and although I didn’t bother talking to them, as they were eating, and I didn’t want to be a jerk, I did get a nice boost of energy from their presence, and their strange looks, as I read from the Taste of Spring liquor guide, and sang clips of 'Girl From Ipanema' and 'Bombs Over Baghdad', which I’m sure was quite annoying to my table of friends, as well as the other patrons, but good golly, I just didn't care. Shortly after B-Rock and I left the restaurant, I made up my mind to not go home that day, and just enjoy the misty grayness, and the non-existent prairie wind, and ignore the dirty kitchen and piles of laundry at home that were calling my name. We went to Value Village, where I found a Ouija board (2 bucks!), and a National Geographic from 1988, that I have been searching for since about 1997. I was so pumped from my purchases, I just had to go to The Pub and show Red and GQ, and then spent the rest of the day socializing with friends and bartenders and strangers, and finally hauling my tired ass to work at midnight. See? Bestest weekend ever.

The week is now half-over, and I have been staying home and relaxing a bit, due to the rain, and the fact that I am addicted to the Outdoor Life Network on Monday's and Tuesday's (it’s Ewan MacGregor's fault). Plus, I finally bought a car on Monday, and am a bit tapped in the finance department, which makes it easier to stay home. Tomorrow however, is a busy, busy day, with meetings, sewing to get done, and a much anticipated visit with Bink and Ryan, who are visiting from New Zealand. Because they are here from so far away, I was able to beg and plead my way out of working tomorrow night as well, so now I don’t have to worry about time constraints, or having a glass of wine or two. Oh happy day.

Well, it's now 4am, the birds are starting to chirp and sing, and the clouds are parting and moving away from the full moon, so I guess that means it's time for me to actually do some work around here. Apparently that's what they pay me for.

Keep on, keepin' on.

The Tabloids Made Me Do It !!!!!

Okay. I'm sorry, I've tried to ignore this whole Tom Cruise/ Katie Holmes/crazy-Scientology-cult-thing for as long as it's been going on, but I just can't do it anymore. I've got to break my silence. It is just plain wrong, how we have to be subjected to their creepy smiling faces everytime we turn on the TV or open a magazine, and have Tom Cruise's weird beliefs pushed on us on any given day.

This poor girl is blinded. Yes, Katie, are probably the only person in the world to get knocked up by the famous guy who's face plastered your bedroom walls when you were a child, so maybe you are a tad starstruck. But wake up woman! This guy is a fucking nutcase, and he' turning you into a smiling little robot girl, who does whatever her man says. I can just picture you, sitting at home, with electrodes attached to your skull, surrounded by Kirstie Alley, John Travolta and the rest of your new friends, being inundated with information about your new way of life, and how everything you did before Tom came along was wrong and sinful. If I had a friend that was being controlled like that, I'd have the guy beaten to a pulp, and dragged out of town by his balls. Luckily I know people who know people, so all my girlfriends out there, no worries, I got your back. :)

For those of you who have more self-restraint than I do, and flip the channel before the TomKat (cringe) news reaches your ears, the most recent scheme thought out by the alien-worshippers, is that Katie will give birth the Scientology way......which means she must push that damn thing through her vagina, WITHOUT MAKING A SOUND. Fuck me. Now I've never given birth, but I'm no dummy, and I'm quite aware that it is most likely mentally and physically impossible to be completely silent. I want to go and get her, and hide her away from that crazy man of hers. Ten bucks says, they'd never think to look in Saskatchewan.

For those of you who are saying "What the hell does that mean?", L. Ron Hubbard once said that, "You must maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and child." I wonder if that's how it's done on the mothership.

I'm going to say it again...poor girl! Just thinking about her looking at her 6-foot tall signs of encouragment and reminders to shut the hell up, while her hips are cracking, her back is aching, and everything else, I have to be curious as to what they will do to her and the baby, if she does do the dastardly deed of farting, groaning, or worse yet, screaming out in agony??? Will the baby be abandoned, or discarded, as it was born a nutbar, just like daddy? Will Katie suffer a fate worse than death? Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

If Katie Holmes is never seen in the tabloids again, at least we all know who to blame. Not that I care or anything. Celebrity news is way over-rated anyways.

'Tis the Season!

Thanks to the recent announcement that this coming May Long Weekend is going to be a booze-free one in provincial parks, it has come to my attention, that although I may not act like a grown-up, I'm sure starting to think like one, and I may be well on my way to being a crusty old woman who sits on her front porch and threatens teenagers with a shot gun.

Having grown up in and around a provincial park, and being fortunate enough to have my dad run the campground for many years, I think that I see both sides of this issue quite clearly. When I first saw the headline in the paper this weekend, I was shocked, and a bit pissed, because being an avid camper, I know that really, camping is generally a time to relax, eat burned hotdogs and wash them down with a few gallons of beer; and that's just breakfast. However, it didn't take me long to stop and think about the decision and why it was made, and I've got to admit, they have got to do something about the problem, if only just to save a few trees and picnic tables from their impending destruction.

Having been an obnoxious, but outdoorsy, teenager myself, I am well aware that for anyone under the age of 21, May Long Weekend is a time for mayhem, celebrating graduation, drinking yourself stupid, and destroying nature. Of course, not all kids do this.....one bad apple usually spoils the bunch. Over the past few years though, it has been getting worse. Really, it has been! Come Victoria Day, the local news is flooded with stories about under-age drinkers starting picnic table fires, driving drunk, disrupting everyone else's well deserved weekend off, what have you. For those of you who grew up with me, you know we weren't angels, but come now, how much trouble could we get in, with all the fish cops keeping an eye on us 24/7? Plus, we knew that if we fucked up royally, when we got home, our parents were sitting there, ready with a good lecture and a punishment. So for the most part, we tried to be as good as a bunch of loud teenagers could be, and we weren't bad apples, even though most adults just assumed we were. I actually think that our group of hooligan's should have been given a little bit more leeway....so the C.O's could go and get the few bad apples BEFORE they tried to burn down the park. Hey, I would bitch and complain, but I also feel that I lived and learned.

As a legal adult, I realize that this weekend, unfortunatly, is about the kids. I also realize that alot of adults are really bummed out about this new law. Families and groups of 20 and 30-somethings look forward to that first weekend of camping, and they aren't perfect either. But for the most part, the old folks really do just sit back and have a couple of cold ones, and wind down after a long winter of working their asses off. It's unfortunate that they won't be able to do that this year, or if they do, they're going to have to act like teenagers and be sneaky about it.

We all just have to remember that this is just an experiment, just like every other crazy idea The Man has come up with in long weekends past to curb crime, and it's only for this one weekend. They realize that it won't stop everyone from drinking, as the kids that really want to camp will just get drunk elsewhere before heading back to their campsite, and all the adults will just become creative and sit around the campfire and drink their booze out of travel mugs. But I can guarantee you , that with all the adults being on high-alert and not wanting to get in trouble, the C.O's will have more time to worry about the ones who are starting the mayhem and getting into trouble. They aren't going to worry about the rest of you all that much. It's just an attempted preventative measure, and I give them credit for trying.

But my question to all of you May Long campers is.....why the hell are you going camping anyways? It's either going to rain or snow, just like every other year. I'm too fragile and wimpy to camp in the snow, so I'm hopefully going to clean the yard, have some beers down at The Pub in the brief afternoon sunshine, and save all my camping energy for Canada Day, when I won't have to worry about flashing back to my teenage years, worrying about whether or not the fish cops are going to show up and confiscate my booze.

.........And speaking of confiscated booze.....I am 99% sure that when my beer didn't get dumped out on the street in front of me, it was drank right in front of me at the annual staff party at my parent's place, or other gatherings over the summer. Good one guys, real funny. Jerks. :)

We Are All Made of Stars

Like most people, I tend to sneak a peek at my horoscope once in awhile, and of course read into it what I feel I need to, and then decide if it's totally off the mark, or begin to wonder whether or not the newspaper astrologist is following me around all the live-long day. This is what the stars had to say about me this week.

March 5, 2006: You have a low tolerance for bores and louts, and the stars amp up your no-nonsense attitude to its highest levels. Save your sanity by booking some serious alone time far away. The more remote the location, the better. Striving to be unique all the time can be exhausting. Just go with the crowd today.

It's true, I DO have a low tolerance for bores and louts. However, if it was possible for me to take off to a remote location, I'd be gone a long long time ago. And yes, my utter unique-ness exhausts me something horrible. Just go with the crowd today?Wait a gosh darn minute here, which is it? Run off on my own, or be one with the crowd????

March 6, 2006: Speak up today! You're not communicating creatively enough to get their attention. Craving more mental stimulation? Try travel. If you can't get away from it all on the spur of the moment, explore new ways of thinking by seeing a foreign film, going to different restaurants and attending cultural events.

Like I said before, I don't have any money, and if it was possible to travel, I'd be doing it. Ok, so I could go see a foreign film, or I could just drop some acid, that seems to aid the exploration of new ways of thinking.

March 7, 2006: Today is all about goodness -- appreciate it in others and practice it yourself. Everyone you know assumed that you might fall apart once a certain element was removed from your life, but they were wrong -- and how. You set out to prove just what you can do all on your own.

Oh crap. I lost my element, and everyone knows about it but me. Ok friends, apparently you've been assuming things about me, let me in on the gossip.

March 8, 2006: Your routine is finally falling into place. Enjoy flying on autopilot for a while. No matter how much pressure you're feeling to make a decision, don't jump into anything right now, or you could wind up settling when you deserve so much more. Hold off for a few days before you choose.

If by routine, you mean rut, then yes, auto-pilot I am in.

March 9, 2006: It's time to move on from feeling any regret over past actions. Look forward today. It's getting to the point where even you can't stand to listen to yourself talk about a certain situation anymore. It's time to start observing how much you're obsessing about something that's not really worth your time.

Hmmm....I was really drunk the night of the 8th (thanks to 2 birthday girls!), so thankfully i have no regrets over whatever it is that I said or did, since I'm a little blurry on the whole evening. But yes, the obsessing over stupid little changes in life that I have no control over has got to stop. I am annoying to myself. Sheesh.

March 11, 2006: They think they've 'fixed' your ideas -- show 'em you have a mind of your own today. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. If you look back in your recent past, you'll see how a budding romance or romantic opportunity that's now blossoming was just starting to germinate -- and you had no idea!

Wow, this one is a bit scary. Like mental institution scary. What's going on? Who's "fixing" me? Tell them to stop! Hopefully all this mind-control that is going on doesn't interfere with the germinating romance that I am experiencing. I must say though, if the opportunity has already presented itself, I was not paying attention, and probably missed my chance. That's just what I do. But hey, I'll keep you updated.

What am I? Like Twelve?

So, after a weekend of wallowing in my own horribly selfish self- pity, brought on by immature fits of jealousy and confusion, I awoke Monday morning, in much better spirits, and have kept my spirits high for the first two days of this week, with the help of warm weather, some homemade chicken noodle soup, and the company of friends who apparently didn't run away from me after my annoyingly negative mood reeked havoc on them all weekend.

It really amazes me, how quickly I can turn from a sad little blob, laying on my bed crooning to Hayden and Morrissey, to a happy bouncing ball of joy, bopping around to The Arcade Fire and Paul Simon. I can think of no good reason why my so-called troubles come and go so quickly, so I will just blame it on the rain, or rather the weather, in general.

New topic.

Having only a handful of close female friends in my lifetime, and spending the majority of my time being one of the boys, I, for some reason, was under the impression that I understood the male of our species. How naive. Here is a brief smidgeon of the questions that have been coming to my mind over the past couple days. Maybe someone out there can clarify a few things for me, as that would be easier than actually figuring it out myself. And if this goes well, maybe next time, you can answer some queries I have about my own female species....oh heck, let's face it, I'm a bit confused over the entire human race.

Question # One! Even though he's pushing thirty, and not in elementary school anymore, when a male runs up behind you giggling, and playfully tugs on your pony-tail to get your attention, running away before you can even say 'hello', or 'what the fuck?' or something to that nature, does that mean that he likes you, or does he just get off on pulling random pony-tails?

Question # Two! Are they physically incapable of eating snack foods without grabbing a handful of chips, popcorn, what have you, throwing their heads and torso's back with almighty passion, and shoving said snack foods down their throat hole, while crumbs fly around the room? Who do you think you are, boys, the fucking Cookie Monster?

Question # Three! Why is it, that weeks, months, or even years after you have ceased having any sort of sexual, physical, or emotional attraction to one of them, they decide that you rock their casbah, and go into full throttle flirting mode?God, that one really pisses me off, even when I'm just observing it as an outsider.

Oh what the heck, that's enough of that. Just by typing this out, I answered numbers four through eight on my own.

Here's hoping this week continues to be full of positivity and sunshine. Peace out homies.

Is There Really Such Thing As Feeling Over- tired?

Well, I have a few things to say, but I'm not going to do anything about it, since I just got off work, and I'm one tired girl.

I also have a few un-posted entries lingering on my desktop, but they somehow seem irrelevant now. Such as the silly, rambling paragraph/telephone conversation I wrote after I had been awake for 30 hours, and was waiting for B-Rock so we could go for lunch, or my version of Olympic coverage, that I decided not to post after I read The Belligerent Intellectual's accounts of the week's happenings. When really, when I think of it, that's just plain silly, but I've been having some less than stellar, low self-esteem days lately. Plus, he said alot of what I wanted to say, only much more eloquently.

So, since I will not feel accomplished until I give you a little something, I'm going to be lame-o and give you some links to check out!

I've been adding some more photos to my photo album, now that I have my computer fixed up.

I have also added a daily trivia challenge to the site, as I felt I needed to exercise my brain at least in some way, and thought maybe you would too. If not, at least we all might learn a few more unimportant little trivia facts, eh?

Since I can never find a CBC site with any ease, I have also added The National Playlist to the left sidebar, so I can vote everyday.....and I think you should too!!!!! ( Today I voted for Sarah Harmer's 'Escarpment Blues'. )

My good friend and co-worker Mrs. Bird, has started a blog, and she has some wonderful things to say. To see what I mean, visit Spacey's Stace.

Mrs. Bird also pointed me in the direction of the Group Home Hero, and I'm telling you, if you have ever spent any time with the handi-capped, and have a sense of humour, you will laugh your head off at his accounts of his time working with these people. I know I did. And I promise, once I lose it and I'm not working with them anymore, I'll tell you all some good stories. (names and locations excluded, for confidentiality, of course)

Finally, because I like to give a kudo when I can, check out the Strike Force site my cousin set up for himself and his bandmates.

That's it, that's all, for now.

Did You Miss Me?? I Missed You Terribly!!

Wow, it's been awhile hasn't it?

With any luck, and lots of hard work done by the V-Man, my computer should be up and running by the time I get home from work in the morning. You have no idea how freaking excited I am to have my computer working again, I have felt lost, bored, and utterly powerless without that annoying piece of crap, and have felt like an annoyance myself, pacing the House of Pain, pining for a game of Scrabble, and hours upon hours spent just surfing that mis-information highway. However, I must say that in the month and a half that I have not been burning my eyeballs out in front of a computer screen, I have been reading a heck of alot more, and have also been feeling very productive, by making jewelery, organizing cupboards and using a pen and paper to write letters that I had been meaning to write for all eternity. (Of course I will most likely never get around to mailing them, as that would require stamping the envelopes and walking across the street to deposit them in the mailbox).

So what else is new with me, you ask?

A quick scan of my short term memory tells me that January was filled with dancing on Saturday nights, heated discussions about the Federal election, and work, work, work. Oh, and of course I celebrated my Rock Star birthday, which was a hoot and a holler, as well as a bit mentally trying, which I have decided was absolutely ridiculous. I wasn't upset about getting older, I became upset when I realized that society felt I should be perturbed by this, and I started wondering why I didn't give a shit about not having a husband, kids, mortgage, etc, and that just made me nuts, because I know deep down that I'm fine the way I am, and tradition and I don't make very good partners anyways. So all is well, I'm back to liking myself, and accepting my life the way it is. A bit of a tangent happened there didn't it? Oops.

February has been pretty much the same thing so far. Been working too often, and playing too hard, but the good quality play doesn't seem like it's coming around as often as I'd like it to. But, we did have a couple good nights of celebrating due to V-Man's 30th, I was blown away by the musical styling's of Elliot Brood on the 12th, B-Rock and I have just bottled our first batch of homemade Merlot, some of my "summertime friends" have started to wipe the sleep from their eyes and venture out into civilization, and my favorite bartender, Stifler, is back from Thailand, so dancing on Saturday's will go back to normal for me. Plus, on Friday, I'm hitching a ride to SmallTown, to go and visit mom, drink my new wine, get some fresh country air, and hopefully finish one of the books that have been lent to me....

Yep. Life is good. Sure I've gained 15 pounds, I'm not saving any money like I'm supposed to be doing, and I can't stop chewing my nails off, but all is well. Normal, but A-OK.

Hope you're all doing lovely as well.

Let The Good Times Roll

Well, another year has come and gone.

Although it may not look like it on the surface, over the past few months, I feel that I really have changed, and for the better. I don't know how, why or exactly when it happened, but I now truly believe my motto "everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not better, it's not the end." The inner me is so much more content, relaxed, laid back, and really doesn't give a flying fuck about all the little things that used to drive me absolutely batty on a daily basis. Although I still have some rough "God I hate myself, life sucks" days, which everyone does, I no longer worry about what people think of me, my looks, my personality. I no longer worry about not conforming to what I thought society wanted me to be. I realize that it's okay that I'm not sure about the whole settling down, getting married, having babies, and having the same job for eternity thing, because I'm not the only one who has doubts about that...and let's be honest, I just might not be the girl that should be doing that anyways. I realize that what makes me happy, is having new adventures and experiences, no matter how big or small, and just doing my own thing, whether it be off on a trip, or sitting in my room at the computer, or out and about with friends. I now have my confidence back, and feel that I really can do whatever the hell it is that I decide to do, today, 6 months from now, or Saturday night at The Pub.

Of course, life isn't perfect, and there are still things to be dealt with, and there are some issues in my life that just may never be resolved. But that's OK. I just can't let myself stress over them constantly. Nothing gets accomplished that way.

Now, I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions. I feel that in doing so, most of the time, we are setting ourselves up for personal failure. I can make a resolution to myself on any other day of the year, and feel less pressured to see it through. However, this year, there are some things that are going to change, and hopefully they will all work out. If not, there's always more time.

Firstly, I know in my soul, that I cannot do the job I have been doing for much longer. My time there has run its course, and for myself, the residents, and whomever wants my job, it's time to move on to something or somewhere different once winter is over. That could very well be the biggest change, that causes me the most anxiety, as I have been there for 5.5 years now, and I've become quite comfortable in knowing that I can re-arrange the schedule as I like, drink as much coffee as I want, take a smoke break whenever I need to, and well, in general, do whatever the hell I want, as long as I get my work done. I don't know how I would handle a workplace with scheduled breaks, or where I wouldn't have any control over how many hours I work, etc. I've been spoiled!

Secondly, it's time to take a break from The City. I love it here. I will be back no matter what. It's also time to move on from The House of Pain unfortunately, and that saddens me a bit, although it might not sadden the others! :) I can't live here forever, although, if I did, V-Man and TypicalQuirk could enjoy the comforts of a live-in maid/nanny/odd job do-er for the rest of their lives! I would charge never-ending coffee and free reign over one room of the house. Seriously though, I need to buy a vehicle I can live in, and take off for the summer with my camping gear and my address book, and just enjoy nature and the open road.....and hopefully figure out what I want to do, and where I want to go, whilst doing so! If you'd like to join me, let me know.

And lastly, of course, I AM GOING TO LOSE 20 POUNDS, I AM GOING TO QUIT SMOKING, I AM GOING TO STOP CHEWING MY NAILS, and whatever other disgusting habits I need to cut down on. But really, I truly do want to do these things, and I promise to myself, and no one else that I will get them done. If I let myself down, I can deal with it, if someone else becomes disappointed after I promise them I will quit an annoying habit, I run the risk of listening to NAG NAG NAG,BLAH BLAH BLAH....and well, I just don't want to. So there.

I hope everyone had a kick-ass Xmas and New Year's and Hannukah and Kwanzaa and whatever else you people celebrate, and all is well with the lot of you in 2006.