How to properly chillax after a day of listening to yelling and screaming, being pushed around and cleaning snot, drool and mushy Cheezies off the back seat of your car:
1. Giggle to yourself when you notice that someone is dealing with something worse than you were dealing with all day.
2. Get in your car, light a cigarette, take a swig of the cold coffee that you left on the front seat at 9:00am, and crank up some old punk. Let the co-workers that you've never bothered to introduce yourself to stare as you zip out of the parking lot, spitting frozen gravel about behind you.
3. Stop at the liquor store, purchase a 6 pack of Stella Artois. Don't cringe at the price, just do it.
4. Walk into house, say hi to cats, retreat to bedroom, light candles, turn on TV.
5. Open Stella. Luckily, you have a Stella Artois bottle opener* in your purse, and you don't have to go get one from the kitchen.
6. Take off socks. And pants.
7. Sit at computer. Read blogs. Check email.
8. Open another Stella.
9. Stare out the window blankly.
10. Hop into bed with remote control in hand. Decide to stay there until you come up with something better to do. Like leave the house, or pleasure yourself. Or sleep. Doesn't matter really, you've had a rough day. Just go with the flow.
* I don't normally carry a bottle opener around in my purse. It came into my possession at Pub Trivia last Sunday, and I have yet to put it somewhere more appropriate.