Mar 29, 2006

The Tabloids Made Me Do It !!!!!

Okay. I'm sorry, I've tried to ignore this whole Tom Cruise/ Katie Holmes/crazy-Scientology-cult-thing for as long as it's been going on, but I just can't do it anymore. I've got to break my silence. It is just plain wrong, how we have to be subjected to their creepy smiling faces everytime we turn on the TV or open a magazine, and have Tom Cruise's weird beliefs pushed on us on any given day.

This poor girl is blinded. Yes, Katie, are probably the only person in the world to get knocked up by the famous guy who's face plastered your bedroom walls when you were a child, so maybe you are a tad starstruck. But wake up woman! This guy is a fucking nutcase, and he' turning you into a smiling little robot girl, who does whatever her man says. I can just picture you, sitting at home, with electrodes attached to your skull, surrounded by Kirstie Alley, John Travolta and the rest of your new friends, being inundated with information about your new way of life, and how everything you did before Tom came along was wrong and sinful. If I had a friend that was being controlled like that, I'd have the guy beaten to a pulp, and dragged out of town by his balls. Luckily I know people who know people, so all my girlfriends out there, no worries, I got your back. :)

For those of you who have more self-restraint than I do, and flip the channel before the TomKat (cringe) news reaches your ears, the most recent scheme thought out by the alien-worshippers, is that Katie will give birth the Scientology way......which means she must push that damn thing through her vagina, WITHOUT MAKING A SOUND. Fuck me. Now I've never given birth, but I'm no dummy, and I'm quite aware that it is most likely mentally and physically impossible to be completely silent. I want to go and get her, and hide her away from that crazy man of hers. Ten bucks says, they'd never think to look in Saskatchewan.

For those of you who are saying "What the hell does that mean?", L. Ron Hubbard once said that, "You must maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and child." I wonder if that's how it's done on the mothership.

I'm going to say it again...poor girl! Just thinking about her looking at her 6-foot tall signs of encouragment and reminders to shut the hell up, while her hips are cracking, her back is aching, and everything else, I have to be curious as to what they will do to her and the baby, if she does do the dastardly deed of farting, groaning, or worse yet, screaming out in agony??? Will the baby be abandoned, or discarded, as it was born a nutbar, just like daddy? Will Katie suffer a fate worse than death? Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

If Katie Holmes is never seen in the tabloids again, at least we all know who to blame. Not that I care or anything. Celebrity news is way over-rated anyways.

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