What am I? Like Twelve?

So, after a weekend of wallowing in my own horribly selfish self- pity, brought on by immature fits of jealousy and confusion, I awoke Monday morning, in much better spirits, and have kept my spirits high for the first two days of this week, with the help of warm weather, some homemade chicken noodle soup, and the company of friends who apparently didn't run away from me after my annoyingly negative mood reeked havoc on them all weekend.

It really amazes me, how quickly I can turn from a sad little blob, laying on my bed crooning to Hayden and Morrissey, to a happy bouncing ball of joy, bopping around to The Arcade Fire and Paul Simon. I can think of no good reason why my so-called troubles come and go so quickly, so I will just blame it on the rain, or rather the weather, in general.

New topic.

Having only a handful of close female friends in my lifetime, and spending the majority of my time being one of the boys, I, for some reason, was under the impression that I understood the male of our species. How naive. Here is a brief smidgeon of the questions that have been coming to my mind over the past couple days. Maybe someone out there can clarify a few things for me, as that would be easier than actually figuring it out myself. And if this goes well, maybe next time, you can answer some queries I have about my own female species....oh heck, let's face it, I'm a bit confused over the entire human race.

Question # One! Even though he's pushing thirty, and not in elementary school anymore, when a male runs up behind you giggling, and playfully tugs on your pony-tail to get your attention, running away before you can even say 'hello', or 'what the fuck?' or something to that nature, does that mean that he likes you, or does he just get off on pulling random pony-tails?

Question # Two! Are they physically incapable of eating snack foods without grabbing a handful of chips, popcorn, what have you, throwing their heads and torso's back with almighty passion, and shoving said snack foods down their throat hole, while crumbs fly around the room? Who do you think you are, boys, the fucking Cookie Monster?

Question # Three! Why is it, that weeks, months, or even years after you have ceased having any sort of sexual, physical, or emotional attraction to one of them, they decide that you rock their casbah, and go into full throttle flirting mode?God, that one really pisses me off, even when I'm just observing it as an outsider.

Oh what the heck, that's enough of that. Just by typing this out, I answered numbers four through eight on my own.

Here's hoping this week continues to be full of positivity and sunshine. Peace out homies.