Dear Heat Wave,
I love you. I love you way more than the cold snap that was the eight months of winter. But Jeebus Cracker, I need to fucking sleep. I cannot bear to be this sweaty anymore, when there isn't anyone in my bed making me this sweaty. Truthfully, the thought of having another human's body heat in my bed makes me sick.
Satisfied? You have not only made me sleep deprived, physically uncomfortable and smelly, you have driven all the horny out of me.
You have the devil in you.
P.S. Don't go anywhere, just give me a damn air conditioner if you're going to stick around for all eternity.