Nov 20, 2007

Suspicious Minds

The lovely Schmutzie has tagged moi in a meme, of which I am eternally grateful, as I really didn't know what to write about today. Shit, I hardly even have anything to say today at all.

The Rules:
  • Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do. Even the number 0 works. This is the first meme that can be done without even doing it. In fact, you're doing it right now.
  • Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
  • Link back to the person who tagged you. Or not.
  • Tag however many people you want to tag. You can skip this step.
  • If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged. This step is also completely optional.
  • Feel fantastic.

  • 1. Super pretty girls that I don't know speaking to me in public washrooms. Seriously. When I look good, they don't talk to me, but if I'm all sweaty and drunk, and they look all perfect and put together, they can't wait to be my new best friend. It freaks me out.

    2. Young men who try to get my attention at the bar, specifically when I am dancing. I'm not sure which is creepier, the ones who come up and want to have a conversation, or the ones who just join in and dance with me. You can see that I'm busy shaking my badonkadonk, can't you? I realize that most girls like this sort of thing, but dancing to me is serious business. Come chat me up when I'm smoking and my drink is empty. Once you buy me a drink, I'll tell you all about my wonderful boyfriend.

    3. Salespeople in clothing stores. When I'm wandering about your store aimlessly, it just means that I am browsing. When you come up to me to ask if I need any of your assistance, it gives me the feeling that you think I am a shoplifter, or that you are wondering why someone my size is even bothering to look for clothes in your store.

    4. People who don't like The Beatles. I get thrown off my rocker every time I meet one of these folks. C'mon now, who doesn't uncontrollably bop their head or sing along when a Beatles tune comes on the radio?

    5. Normal people. You know the ones. They live in a beige house in Suburbia, they're happily married, their kids never have battles royale, they have white furniture, and are always dressed and groomed to perfection, even at the gym. These people scare me, and I have to wonder what's wrong with them. Do they have addictions to pain killers? Is their straight 'A' basketball star of a child a fledgling serial killer? Are they axe murderers? Who knows. All I know is, bring on the crazies who talk to themselves and call me names like "Yellow Jap Whore", and tell me they hope I step in "faggot dog shit". At least they're never dull, and I feel like I at least connect with them a wee bit.

    6. Parents who think they can "cure" their handicapped child of their disability. This could be a long one, so I'll leave it at that. If you'd like clarification, please ask.

    7. Computers.

    8. Celebrities that vouch for products, companies, politicians, anything. How much are you being paid to endorse that acne cream or weight loss product? To be clear, just because you use it, doesn't mean I want to or need to. Piss off.

    9. You are inside. You are wearing sunglasses. I have to wonder if you are staring at my breasts, or just sitting there sleeping, and ignoring me completely.

    10. People that seem relatively social when necessary, but appear to have no friends. I am not their friend, the people around me are not their friends, but still they sit there and attempt to socialize with you. Sometimes, it feels that they don't even want to be talking to you, they perhaps feel forced to do so. They never have stories about what they did on the weekend, how work was, they just sit and stare at you and nod along to your stories. These people always have awkward laughs as well, and a smile almost cracks their face. I have only met a couple people like this in my life, and when I think of them, a little chill runs down my spine.

    Tag, You're It!

    Knuckle Toes

    Nutcase 101


    Madame Diva


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