Mar 18, 2007

Marble Losing, 101

I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. Well, I shouldn't say constantly, because that's a bit of an exaggeration, but this feeling is becoming almost a daily occurance, and an annoyance. During the week, it happens in the evening, on the weekend, it begins the second I wake up. Heart beating rapidly, butterflies in my stomach, shaking, loss of appetite. Out of nowhere, I feel like I need to cry. Just when I think that the anxiety attack is coming, all the symptoms stop, and the body returns to normal, but that nervous feeling in my chest and stomach can still linger. It's almost as if I feel like something big is going to happen, but I just can't put my finger on why it is bothering me, or what is bothering me, for that matter.

Things that I enjoy, and do all the time, have been plagued by the anxiety. Going to the grocery store today was terrifying. I ran into someone I knew, and when he stopped to chat, I felt flustered and nervous, when normally, I'd yell "Hey!" and talk his ear off. All day, I wanted to walk downtown, have a coffee and read a book, but all of a sudden, it all just seems like it would be too much, and I don't want to go alone. Normally, I would relish the thought of having an afternoon to myself, reading and relaxing, and keeping an eye out for someone interesting to talk to.

This really is starting to tick me off. I love crowds, I love wandering about town by myself, I love people, I generally just love life. I have no major fears, and I can handle anything life throws at me.

Is the sky falling? No. Am I crazy? I sure hope not, but I'm guessing no. I just don't know what is wrong, and what is setting off this feeling of anxiety. I want to figure it out, I want to go back to feeling laid back and anxiety free. This is not me. This too shall pass. I hope.

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