Fatty McFat Fat

Over the past 4 months, I have gained about 20 pounds. Not out of the ordinary for me, I can put on weight faster than you can say Fatty McFat Fat. It's a talent, a gift. But I put on a whole 10 pounds in about 2 weeks over Xmas. My clothes don't fit now, and I've been stuck wearing my fat pants from a few years ago, just so I can breathe. Every time I leave the house, I pray for Stacy and Clinton to pop out of nowhere and whiz me to New York to teach me how to dress and take me shopping.

No matter how much I have weighed, I've never really known how to dress myself appropriately. When I was younger, and skinny (and thinking I was fat! Arghh, how I hate the thought of that!), it was the age of grunge rock and skater clothes. I either wore my clothes 5 sizes too big, or I was layered beyond belief ( long underwear under shorts, long sleeved shirts under tank tops, cardigans....I've never been able to give up the Value Village cardigans). I never did my hair, because a toque could be worn year-round, and hats and messy pig-tails could pass as somewhat fashionable. I look at photos of myself now, and those clothes made me look way bigger than I actually was. But damn, I was cool. Today, those clothes that were 5 sizes too big, would probably either fit me properly, or be too tight on me now.

As I started to gain weight, and turn into a Ukrainian baba, I moved to big skirts, and long shirts, to cover my disgusting pudge. Having been someone who always dressed a bit different than the norm, and wouldn't know trendy if trendy hit her in the face, I felt okay, being covered, and dressing all hippie-ish. The only skin I like to show, is my cleavage, because my boobs, although they stress me out, are hot.

I hate shopping. I have an incredibly hard time finding things that flatter my build, and that I feel comfortable in. I always end up buying things "that'll do", and that are cheap, because I am too cheap to go to a store that sells things exclusively for us big girls. (Big girls being anyone of the incredibly average size of 16) I have an entire room of clothes that I either don't like, don't go with anything, or don't fit properly. If I had just spent a bit more money on items that fit me, instead of spending tons of money in the long run on things that were okay, I would be doing better in the closet department. I feel less than sexy these days, and would do anything, just to be able to throw on an outfit and feel comfortable and ready to take on the day, no matter what I am doing. I have even stopped going out dancing, because I just don't have any winter clothes that make me feel comfortable enough to shake my booty in on the dance floor, in the confident way that I am accustomed to.

I've got to lose this weight. I must feel better. No ifs, ands, or buts.