I am mostly enjoying my weekend of work (nights) and relaxation ( the other 16 hours of the day). I had a super duper St. Paddy's Day at the Pub. I ran into a whole shwack of people I hadn't seen in ages it seemed, and as the booze continues to leave my brain, more memories, faces,conversations and flirtations are coming back to me. I drank a ridiculous amount of beer, and attempted to eat some delectable Irish fare, but the waitress never brought my food. I was in much better spirits than Wednesday, when I went out and had some drinks with Cookeroo, and was feeling less than stellar about myself. I was fat, ugly, and boring. By about the 2nd pint on Thursday however, I was little miss social butterfly, and felt the world could do me no harm on such a day as St. Pat's, surrounded by friends, pipers and the ever present beer bringers. But unfortunatly, true to form, I went home in the wee hours, not feeling so healthy (ok, I was about to upchuck) and with the even worse feeling of guilt and contempt for my own big mouth.
I can honestly say, I don't really know exactly what hateful or immature comments came spewing from my mouth, but I said something, and well, I really made B-Rock upset, he said I ruined his night, and he went home. We haven't spoke since Thursday night, and I'm doubting that we'll be speaking again any time soon. What makes it worse for me though, is that I can't remember what I did, or what I had a problem with. I never forget things when I'm drinking. Once in awhile, I will be a bit blurry on something, but with a small reminder, it's right back in my memory bank. I never forget my actions, and rarely forget what I have said. So I obviously overdid it.
It seems to have been a week full of low self-esteem, arguements, break-ups and misunderstandings. Not just for me, but for the majority of people I have talked to. Maybe it's just a consequence of St. Paddy's Week alcoholism, or the weather, or has something to do with the moon. I'm not sure, but I hope that come Monday, everyone is happier, sober, and back on track.
Myself, I am happy to be at home, drinking coffee and taking a break from the madness that is the Pub. I have pledged to start fresh, and am thankful that there isn't any big celebrations coming up, so I will not feel obliged to leave my house, unless I really feel that I need to, for instance, if I go into a stir-crazy "gotta get out and talk to someone about nothing" frenzy. Which, knowing me, will only be a couple days from now.
I really don't know how the homebody's do it. I love being alone, in my room with a book or at my computer, and I can amuse myself for a few days at a time, but then I get the overwhelming urge to just run and find other human beings. But there are people out there, who stay at home night after night, only leaving the house for special occasions like Christmas or Granny's birthday. I think that I would lose my mind completely. Sometimes, phone conversations and emails just don't do the trick. Human interaction is one of the basic needs I have, it has been above food in my list of survival needs at times in my life.
Water, Shelter, Coffee and Cigarettes, Human Interaction, Food. I guess when I think about it, I have everything that I need, and I shouldn't complain. Now if only I could turn back time and prevent this oncoming guilt-induced ulcer, life would be perfect.
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