Aug 21, 2007

Just Thinking....

It is a strange and beautiful feeling to go back and read your own blog archives of the past few months, and realize what a complete mental overhaul you have done to yourself.

After reading Madame Diva's "Introduction to Abigail Road", I became interested in checking myself out a bit. I rarely go back and read what I have posted in the Blogosphere, or in my own hand-written journals, but I just couldn't help myself. Needless to say, in the end, I was none too impressed with myself, and had to wonder about who this girl was that was writing these depressing diatribes about weight gain, loneliness, and heartbreak. Most of my entries from this past winter and spring were so frickin' depressing, as were a good chunk of entries from 2005 and 2006. The feeling that the world was shitting on my head, was a common topic of conversation. I just wanted to go back in time and slap myself, and then give myself a hug, and tell me that everything would be alright.

Somewhere between here and here, things started to brighten up a bit, when it came to writing about life in general, and it's been gettin' better ever since. Life ain't so shitty. Maybe it's the seasons, maybe it's just a change of attitude, maybe I just shit on myself for minor things because it's easier than dealing with the actual depressing things that have happened to me in life. Or maybe, my little blog is just a healthy forum for my venting about life's little troubles.

However, when I went back and read some of these depressing entries, I really did have to give myself a mental high-five for getting through the shit-storm(s) of mental instability, with the help of my friends and my readers. If winter depression or heartbreak slap me upside the head again this year, I am going to have to try remember that everything works out in the end, and that I'm one tough cookie, and I can handle everything that's thrown my way, good and bad.

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