May 25, 2007


Ok, I'm not one of those girls that watches "Sex and the City" and goes on and on about how I am just like so and so, or is convinced that my life is so similar to who and the what now. However, when I arrived home tonight from a night with wonderful friends and my Cheesy Bites from BK, turned on the television, and witnessed at least three eerily similar situations that I have been through in the past year in 22 minutes, well, I lost it. I knew exactly what those characters were going through, and how they felt. I contemplated throwing something through the bedroom window, just to hear the smash. I wanted to scream, and throw things about my bedroom, but realized that the few things that I own, really are important to me, if only for the very fact that I don't want to have to go out and buy them again. I wanted to take my savings, and just run so far away from here......

But, of course, I didn't. It would wake the roommates, and I would have to explain what was going on, and give V-Man money for the window. I would scare the cats. Although the fireworks the kids are setting off a block away are much louder, the neighbors would be more disturbed by the crazy lady screaming and smashing glass. I would have to call my mom, from some far off place, again, with no explanation as to why I was there. But it would feel good, damn good, to let loose on inanimate objects, and take off to fucking anywhere and start all over again.

Why do I feel so weak and ugly, when everyone around me tells me, every day, that they respect me and love me because I am so strong and beautiful?

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