Once upon a time, a girl named Abigail bought a car. The car was old and starting to rust, and had driven many miles in its day, but it was a good car, and they got on well, right off the bat. It needed a bit of TLC here and there, but it was very dependable, and hardly ever let her down.
Then one day, it went missing. Hooligans had taken it for a joyride, and injured it quite badly. But Abigail tracked it down, and tried her best to nurse it back to health. Although it didn't look as good as it once did, it appeared healthy, and they were glad to be back together. They planned for camping trips, visits to friends and family. They thought that all they needed was a new back seat and a stereo, so they could belt out tunes on the highway.
Then one day, the cars alternator became sick. Abigail and the car enlisted the help of their dear friend Das Piper, and he spent a lot of time assisting Abigail in nursing the car back to health once again. It was a glorious moment, when the car started, and ran better than it had in weeks, for only sixty five bucks and a case of beer. It ran like the dickens, for approximately 24 hours.
Abigail walked out of work the next day, and the car wouldn't go. It wanted to, but it just couldn't. A mysterious illness had infected it while she was inside. Not even booster cables, or the V-Man could get it to go.
Abigail was angry. Abigail felt sad. She chose to leave the car where it was, and went home with the V-Man. Trying to forget about her troubles, she went out for drinks and dancing with her friends, but not even they could put her in a better mood, so she decided to go home.
Once home, Abigail realized that she did not have her keys. Nobody was home, and she couldn't get into the house in the middle of the night! Abigail figured that she had locked her keys in her car, all the way across town, and phoned the V-Man for help for the second time that day. He could come to the rescue right away! While she waited, she lit herself a campfire, and urinated in the garden. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
A few short hours later, Abigail dragged her tired arse to work again. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts at breaking into her car, she called Mr. Tow Truck and for thirty dollars, they broke in for her, and retrieved her keys. She considered getting them to tow her car to the middle of nowhere so she could light it on fire, but decided against it. Too expensive.
She worked hard all day, and stayed late. She missed the last bus home, and needed to call a cab. Abigail decided to give her car one more go. "Maybe, just maybe, it'll start", she thought to herself.
Low and behold, on the first try, it sprang to life. Everyone rejoiced!
Abigail, smiling, got in her car, and drove home, making sure to park in a spot where a mechanic or a tow truck could get in, if help was needed in the near future.
The car may not be tip top, but it got her home when she really needed it to. She will attempt to nurse it back to health just one more time, before sending it to the junkyard in the sky. For under 50 bucks, at least. ;)