Feb 20, 2008

Shopping for Jeans

For two whole months now, I have been searching for a new pair of jeans. And not just any jeans, a pair of jeans that are just long enough, and fit in the waist and thigh simultaneously. After numerous unsuccessful shopping excursions, I was thinking that I was going to have to get a pair of jeans custom made for my fat, ugly and obviously awkward shaped body.

Shopping has never been my favorite activity, but this most recent search for jeans brought me to a near nervous breakdown. Having put on some, okay a ton, of weight the past few months, none of the jeans in my closet fit me, other than two pairs. One of which I just don't particularily like, and the other, who's crotch has split open thanks to my fat thighs rubbing together for the past two years that I have owned them.

Last week, I went to my doctor for a physical. His number one concern about my health was my weight, as was mine. He gave me until May 15th to lose at least twenty pounds, and put me on a very strict diet, that will not only help me lose weight, but will also help to figure out what the hell I am allergic to that makes me so damn itchy and rashy all the time. (that's a whole other story). Basically, I am allowed to eat homemade soup, vegetables, meat and eggs. No pasta, no rice, no bread, no popcorn and limited dairy for the next three months.

At first, I thought that this was a little bit of torture. Smyrish and I had just visited AJ, and she sent me home with beet rolls, perogies, homemade bread and tons of borsht. Luckily, I can eat the borscht, but the rest, just sits and taunts me in the freezer. I had also just gone grocery shopping, and realized that 85% of what I bought, could not be consumed.

I listened though, for the first time in my life, to doctor's orders. I haven't swayed from my diet, but look forward to that one day a week he has allowed me to drink beer. I do feel better. I really do. And I wish that it was warmer outside, because I am actually craving going for a walk, which is partly due to the fact that I want to reach my weight loss goal, and partly because I have had enough of this cold fucking winter, and just want to hang out in the park.

Today, I decided that enough was enough, I needed new pants. I just couldn't go out in the crotchless jeans for my weekly beer, like I did last week. Whether they fit properly or not, I had to buy them, and deal with any comments, or physically uncomfortable feelings. I headed out in my yoga pants, because they actually fit, and have a crotch to speak of, and faced Old Navy, because I at least knew that they had sizes larger than a four.

Because I have no idea what size I am, I grabbed about 15 pairs, all different sizes and styles, and hoped for the best.

The very first pair of jeans I tried on, fit. They were a size smaller than any that I have tried on in the past few months, and I didn't realize that until I looked at the tag. I almost cried, happy tears, for once. Although I can't see it, and I don't have a scale to prove it, I must have lost some weight! However, they were a bit too short for my long turkey legs, so I kept on trying on the pile of jeans. Eventually, I found a pair, the same style as the first, that would do. I wanted to buy 5 more of the same, but I reminded myself that in a couple months they wouldn't fit, so settled on the one, and promised myself that once I lose this weight, I could go back and get more.

I am now the proud owner of a pair of jeans that fit in the waist, the thigh, and are only a tad too long. Now, instead of getting custom made jeans, I just have to make one of my friends hem them a bit for me.

I am a happy, happy girl. I will stick to this diet, I know I can.

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