So, last night, Smyrish and I are laying in bed, and I'm drifting off to dream land, when he mentions a video on YouTube he had watched, about some 59 year old woman talking about how women don't actually enjoy sex that much, they would much rather just have someone rub their feet, cuddle or give them a back rub, and sex was all about pleasing your man. I didn't really know what to say last night, and honestly, I was so sleepy, I'm not exactly sure what I said in reply. However, this morning, I woke up, and I just couldn't stop thinking about it for some reason.*
The girls I hang out with now, and the group of girls I hung out with in my early twenties, are all very open about their sex-lives, or lack there of. When I was younger, some of my friends were extremely promiscuous, and then there were the others that were in long-term relationships, and kind of lived through them and their adventures. I had no problem with how many people my friends slept with, and they had no problem that I know of when I went through my "slutty" phase a few years later.
Then and now, when us girls get together we can talk about EVERYTHING, and we can get down-right disgusting about it at times. (Shit, I am writing this while talking to a friend on the phone about the whole subject. Little does she know, but her words will be incorporated into this post at some point, because she's making some good points. ) But when I really thought about it, it used to be pretty rare that anyone talked about how "good" the sex was. It was more of a play-by-play of what happened after the bar. So was it any good? It does seem though that now that we are all older, and wiser, we can talk the pro's and con's, and I am hearing alot more pro's than before.
I felt sorry for this woman. Maybe she was taught that sex was "dirty", and something that good girls just didn't do, and when you did it, you did it only to please your man. Maybe, her man didn't care about pleasing her, and just used her for his own gratification. But, I had to wonder, did this woman have a point? I know a few girls who are much happier, just cuddling and kissing and doing the ol' touchy-feely, because sex doesn't do much for them. One friend, doesn't see the point of having sex just to have it, because in her opinion, it isn't any good, unless you are madly in love. I thought about all the "adult toy" parties I have attended over the years...some people come to buy something to share with their mate, but the majority, come to buy something that makes them feel sexy, and will give them an orgasm, because they just aren't having any, with or without a partner. And they usually blame whoever they are sleeping with.
I think, and correct me if I am wrong, that the ladies who aren't enjoying sex, just are not getting what they need. We girls, are different than the boys. A man, can be ready in an instant, and they usually want it that instant if they can get it. Usually women however, just can't be all "wham-bam-thank-you-sir"...the vast majority of females need their engines revved for a few minutes before they can move on to the main event, and won't enjoy it unless their partner did just that. They need to feel that they are sexy, and desirable, and loved or even lusted over, and not just a vagina that's available at the time. And it always helps, if your vagina is complimented.
So, I think that the YouTube woman was off the mark a bit. Sure, we want to please our man, but we can also be pleased. It isn't all about them, unless we let it be all about them. The times, they are a-changin' and the ladies are taking control of their pleasure, and we're talking about it, and her man just wouldn't be gettin' any at all if he has the attitude I think he has.
* I have not seen the video. I could be way off on what she was really talking about, I just liked that it got me thinking and talking about this over my morning coffee. If I get a chance to see the video, and find that I was wrong, I will hang my head in shame for three minutes as a punishment to myself.