The Tabloids Made Me Do It !!!!!

Okay. I'm sorry, I've tried to ignore this whole Tom Cruise/ Katie Holmes/crazy-Scientology-cult-thing for as long as it's been going on, but I just can't do it anymore. I've got to break my silence. It is just plain wrong, how we have to be subjected to their creepy smiling faces everytime we turn on the TV or open a magazine, and have Tom Cruise's weird beliefs pushed on us on any given day.

This poor girl is blinded. Yes, Katie, are probably the only person in the world to get knocked up by the famous guy who's face plastered your bedroom walls when you were a child, so maybe you are a tad starstruck. But wake up woman! This guy is a fucking nutcase, and he' turning you into a smiling little robot girl, who does whatever her man says. I can just picture you, sitting at home, with electrodes attached to your skull, surrounded by Kirstie Alley, John Travolta and the rest of your new friends, being inundated with information about your new way of life, and how everything you did before Tom came along was wrong and sinful. If I had a friend that was being controlled like that, I'd have the guy beaten to a pulp, and dragged out of town by his balls. Luckily I know people who know people, so all my girlfriends out there, no worries, I got your back. :)

For those of you who have more self-restraint than I do, and flip the channel before the TomKat (cringe) news reaches your ears, the most recent scheme thought out by the alien-worshippers, is that Katie will give birth the Scientology way......which means she must push that damn thing through her vagina, WITHOUT MAKING A SOUND. Fuck me. Now I've never given birth, but I'm no dummy, and I'm quite aware that it is most likely mentally and physically impossible to be completely silent. I want to go and get her, and hide her away from that crazy man of hers. Ten bucks says, they'd never think to look in Saskatchewan.

For those of you who are saying "What the hell does that mean?", L. Ron Hubbard once said that, "You must maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and child." I wonder if that's how it's done on the mothership.

I'm going to say it again...poor girl! Just thinking about her looking at her 6-foot tall signs of encouragment and reminders to shut the hell up, while her hips are cracking, her back is aching, and everything else, I have to be curious as to what they will do to her and the baby, if she does do the dastardly deed of farting, groaning, or worse yet, screaming out in agony??? Will the baby be abandoned, or discarded, as it was born a nutbar, just like daddy? Will Katie suffer a fate worse than death? Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

If Katie Holmes is never seen in the tabloids again, at least we all know who to blame. Not that I care or anything. Celebrity news is way over-rated anyways.

'Tis the Season!

Thanks to the recent announcement that this coming May Long Weekend is going to be a booze-free one in provincial parks, it has come to my attention, that although I may not act like a grown-up, I'm sure starting to think like one, and I may be well on my way to being a crusty old woman who sits on her front porch and threatens teenagers with a shot gun.

Having grown up in and around a provincial park, and being fortunate enough to have my dad run the campground for many years, I think that I see both sides of this issue quite clearly. When I first saw the headline in the paper this weekend, I was shocked, and a bit pissed, because being an avid camper, I know that really, camping is generally a time to relax, eat burned hotdogs and wash them down with a few gallons of beer; and that's just breakfast. However, it didn't take me long to stop and think about the decision and why it was made, and I've got to admit, they have got to do something about the problem, if only just to save a few trees and picnic tables from their impending destruction.

Having been an obnoxious, but outdoorsy, teenager myself, I am well aware that for anyone under the age of 21, May Long Weekend is a time for mayhem, celebrating graduation, drinking yourself stupid, and destroying nature. Of course, not all kids do this.....one bad apple usually spoils the bunch. Over the past few years though, it has been getting worse. Really, it has been! Come Victoria Day, the local news is flooded with stories about under-age drinkers starting picnic table fires, driving drunk, disrupting everyone else's well deserved weekend off, what have you. For those of you who grew up with me, you know we weren't angels, but come now, how much trouble could we get in, with all the fish cops keeping an eye on us 24/7? Plus, we knew that if we fucked up royally, when we got home, our parents were sitting there, ready with a good lecture and a punishment. So for the most part, we tried to be as good as a bunch of loud teenagers could be, and we weren't bad apples, even though most adults just assumed we were. I actually think that our group of hooligan's should have been given a little bit more leeway....so the C.O's could go and get the few bad apples BEFORE they tried to burn down the park. Hey, I would bitch and complain, but I also feel that I lived and learned.

As a legal adult, I realize that this weekend, unfortunatly, is about the kids. I also realize that alot of adults are really bummed out about this new law. Families and groups of 20 and 30-somethings look forward to that first weekend of camping, and they aren't perfect either. But for the most part, the old folks really do just sit back and have a couple of cold ones, and wind down after a long winter of working their asses off. It's unfortunate that they won't be able to do that this year, or if they do, they're going to have to act like teenagers and be sneaky about it.

We all just have to remember that this is just an experiment, just like every other crazy idea The Man has come up with in long weekends past to curb crime, and it's only for this one weekend. They realize that it won't stop everyone from drinking, as the kids that really want to camp will just get drunk elsewhere before heading back to their campsite, and all the adults will just become creative and sit around the campfire and drink their booze out of travel mugs. But I can guarantee you , that with all the adults being on high-alert and not wanting to get in trouble, the C.O's will have more time to worry about the ones who are starting the mayhem and getting into trouble. They aren't going to worry about the rest of you all that much. It's just an attempted preventative measure, and I give them credit for trying.

But my question to all of you May Long campers is.....why the hell are you going camping anyways? It's either going to rain or snow, just like every other year. I'm too fragile and wimpy to camp in the snow, so I'm hopefully going to clean the yard, have some beers down at The Pub in the brief afternoon sunshine, and save all my camping energy for Canada Day, when I won't have to worry about flashing back to my teenage years, worrying about whether or not the fish cops are going to show up and confiscate my booze.

.........And speaking of confiscated booze.....I am 99% sure that when my beer didn't get dumped out on the street in front of me, it was drank right in front of me at the annual staff party at my parent's place, or other gatherings over the summer. Good one guys, real funny. Jerks. :)

We Are All Made of Stars

Like most people, I tend to sneak a peek at my horoscope once in awhile, and of course read into it what I feel I need to, and then decide if it's totally off the mark, or begin to wonder whether or not the newspaper astrologist is following me around all the live-long day. This is what the stars had to say about me this week.

March 5, 2006: You have a low tolerance for bores and louts, and the stars amp up your no-nonsense attitude to its highest levels. Save your sanity by booking some serious alone time far away. The more remote the location, the better. Striving to be unique all the time can be exhausting. Just go with the crowd today.

It's true, I DO have a low tolerance for bores and louts. However, if it was possible for me to take off to a remote location, I'd be gone a long long time ago. And yes, my utter unique-ness exhausts me something horrible. Just go with the crowd today?Wait a gosh darn minute here, which is it? Run off on my own, or be one with the crowd????

March 6, 2006: Speak up today! You're not communicating creatively enough to get their attention. Craving more mental stimulation? Try travel. If you can't get away from it all on the spur of the moment, explore new ways of thinking by seeing a foreign film, going to different restaurants and attending cultural events.

Like I said before, I don't have any money, and if it was possible to travel, I'd be doing it. Ok, so I could go see a foreign film, or I could just drop some acid, that seems to aid the exploration of new ways of thinking.

March 7, 2006: Today is all about goodness -- appreciate it in others and practice it yourself. Everyone you know assumed that you might fall apart once a certain element was removed from your life, but they were wrong -- and how. You set out to prove just what you can do all on your own.

Oh crap. I lost my element, and everyone knows about it but me. Ok friends, apparently you've been assuming things about me, let me in on the gossip.

March 8, 2006: Your routine is finally falling into place. Enjoy flying on autopilot for a while. No matter how much pressure you're feeling to make a decision, don't jump into anything right now, or you could wind up settling when you deserve so much more. Hold off for a few days before you choose.

If by routine, you mean rut, then yes, auto-pilot I am in.

March 9, 2006: It's time to move on from feeling any regret over past actions. Look forward today. It's getting to the point where even you can't stand to listen to yourself talk about a certain situation anymore. It's time to start observing how much you're obsessing about something that's not really worth your time.

Hmmm....I was really drunk the night of the 8th (thanks to 2 birthday girls!), so thankfully i have no regrets over whatever it is that I said or did, since I'm a little blurry on the whole evening. But yes, the obsessing over stupid little changes in life that I have no control over has got to stop. I am annoying to myself. Sheesh.

March 11, 2006: They think they've 'fixed' your ideas -- show 'em you have a mind of your own today. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. If you look back in your recent past, you'll see how a budding romance or romantic opportunity that's now blossoming was just starting to germinate -- and you had no idea!

Wow, this one is a bit scary. Like mental institution scary. What's going on? Who's "fixing" me? Tell them to stop! Hopefully all this mind-control that is going on doesn't interfere with the germinating romance that I am experiencing. I must say though, if the opportunity has already presented itself, I was not paying attention, and probably missed my chance. That's just what I do. But hey, I'll keep you updated.

What am I? Like Twelve?

So, after a weekend of wallowing in my own horribly selfish self- pity, brought on by immature fits of jealousy and confusion, I awoke Monday morning, in much better spirits, and have kept my spirits high for the first two days of this week, with the help of warm weather, some homemade chicken noodle soup, and the company of friends who apparently didn't run away from me after my annoyingly negative mood reeked havoc on them all weekend.

It really amazes me, how quickly I can turn from a sad little blob, laying on my bed crooning to Hayden and Morrissey, to a happy bouncing ball of joy, bopping around to The Arcade Fire and Paul Simon. I can think of no good reason why my so-called troubles come and go so quickly, so I will just blame it on the rain, or rather the weather, in general.

New topic.

Having only a handful of close female friends in my lifetime, and spending the majority of my time being one of the boys, I, for some reason, was under the impression that I understood the male of our species. How naive. Here is a brief smidgeon of the questions that have been coming to my mind over the past couple days. Maybe someone out there can clarify a few things for me, as that would be easier than actually figuring it out myself. And if this goes well, maybe next time, you can answer some queries I have about my own female species....oh heck, let's face it, I'm a bit confused over the entire human race.

Question # One! Even though he's pushing thirty, and not in elementary school anymore, when a male runs up behind you giggling, and playfully tugs on your pony-tail to get your attention, running away before you can even say 'hello', or 'what the fuck?' or something to that nature, does that mean that he likes you, or does he just get off on pulling random pony-tails?

Question # Two! Are they physically incapable of eating snack foods without grabbing a handful of chips, popcorn, what have you, throwing their heads and torso's back with almighty passion, and shoving said snack foods down their throat hole, while crumbs fly around the room? Who do you think you are, boys, the fucking Cookie Monster?

Question # Three! Why is it, that weeks, months, or even years after you have ceased having any sort of sexual, physical, or emotional attraction to one of them, they decide that you rock their casbah, and go into full throttle flirting mode?God, that one really pisses me off, even when I'm just observing it as an outsider.

Oh what the heck, that's enough of that. Just by typing this out, I answered numbers four through eight on my own.

Here's hoping this week continues to be full of positivity and sunshine. Peace out homies.

Is There Really Such Thing As Feeling Over- tired?

Well, I have a few things to say, but I'm not going to do anything about it, since I just got off work, and I'm one tired girl.

I also have a few un-posted entries lingering on my desktop, but they somehow seem irrelevant now. Such as the silly, rambling paragraph/telephone conversation I wrote after I had been awake for 30 hours, and was waiting for B-Rock so we could go for lunch, or my version of Olympic coverage, that I decided not to post after I read The Belligerent Intellectual's accounts of the week's happenings. When really, when I think of it, that's just plain silly, but I've been having some less than stellar, low self-esteem days lately. Plus, he said alot of what I wanted to say, only much more eloquently.

So, since I will not feel accomplished until I give you a little something, I'm going to be lame-o and give you some links to check out!

I've been adding some more photos to my photo album, now that I have my computer fixed up.

I have also added a daily trivia challenge to the site, as I felt I needed to exercise my brain at least in some way, and thought maybe you would too. If not, at least we all might learn a few more unimportant little trivia facts, eh?

Since I can never find a CBC site with any ease, I have also added The National Playlist to the left sidebar, so I can vote everyday.....and I think you should too!!!!! ( Today I voted for Sarah Harmer's 'Escarpment Blues'. )

My good friend and co-worker Mrs. Bird, has started a blog, and she has some wonderful things to say. To see what I mean, visit Spacey's Stace.

Mrs. Bird also pointed me in the direction of the Group Home Hero, and I'm telling you, if you have ever spent any time with the handi-capped, and have a sense of humour, you will laugh your head off at his accounts of his time working with these people. I know I did. And I promise, once I lose it and I'm not working with them anymore, I'll tell you all some good stories. (names and locations excluded, for confidentiality, of course)

Finally, because I like to give a kudo when I can, check out the Strike Force site my cousin set up for himself and his bandmates.

That's it, that's all, for now.