Apr 13, 2005

How the West was Crazy

I don't know why I have been putting myself through my this hell. I guess I just like to torture myself beyond belief, clenching my fists and holding my tongue until my head is this close to exploding.

Over the past few weeks, when I return home from work in the morning, I sit down with my computer, turn on the radio, and curse and "ARRGGGHHH!!!!" my way through an hour or so of talk radio host John Gormley and his redneck, right-wing, Christian propoganda spewing guests*. I'm starting to think that the rush of raging adrenaline could be what keeps my heart ticking. It's like a freaking drug.

On Tuesday, John wasn't even on his own show, and I was still getting lethal heart palpitations, listening to Doug Christie and friends go on and on about the Western Canadian Separatist movement. I am usually amused by the bullshit that comes out of the mouths of nutjobs. But today, when people started phoning in, and agreeing with these separatists, I just couldn't take it anymore. Since they apparently didn't want me speaking on the radio (I tried), I decided to just listen and research on the InterWeb while they were yapping at me. As I looked into this separation of the western provinces, I started to think of how well I would do living in Ontario or Quebec. I have relatives in Ontario, they would look out for me if I had to immigrate to Upper Canada. Quebec is nice, but I'd have to brush up on my Francais in order to get a job.

Anyways, back to the nut jobs. In a way, I can understand them. They want a Conservative government, and they won't get one, as long as Ontario and Quebec vote for the Liberals. The population down east is bigger than the population of the west. I get it. But what they don't seem to understand is that there are a number of people out in the wild west, who are liberal minded voters too. Not everyone is like them. Look at me, I don't like anyone, but I like right wing nut bars even less than the others. What's a girl to do when it comes to election day? Vote for the lesser of all the evils, whomever they may be that day.

If the West were to separate from the rest of Canada, they already have legislation in place that we could follow, and are working on a name, a flag, and so on. Good for you boys, but I have a few problems with this new country, other than who would be running it.

#1. There would be no way in hell gays would be able to marry. Shit, you'd probably draw and quarter them if they tried.

#2. Forget pro-choice. No choice would be more like it. Women should be making babies and catering to their husbands. I gathered this from the section on mandatory service in their new military....where women wouldn't be servicing.

#3. The official language. Yes, out here in the West the majority of us (90% or something) only speak English. But the way they have it worded on one particular site, French would not be even taught. So I doubt Cree or Saulteux or anything else would be either. We don't want no body talking like those Frogs and Injuns...never mind those Asian folk neither. Thank goodness most of the Ukranian, German and other languages are dying out.....they'd be after them too. Mmmmm...melting pot.

#4. Alberta and BC don't give a shit about Saskatchewan or Manitoba. Take a weekend trip over there. They will ask you stupid questions about the flatness of the land, and automatically assume you are boring. They don't worry about us now, what makes anyone think that would change if we were all one big happy family?

#5. They are not for aiding 3rd World countries. It's every man for himself in New Canada. Helping people is a waste of money. We've got to save our money to build a big army and buy big guns, in case Haiti ever decides to invade us.

Ok, I'm going to stop at #5, as I could go on forever, and I can't as it's GQ's birthday, and pints are calling me.

If you don't like my version of the new legislation, check out The Western Canada Concept site. If you like, they even have links to more right-wing propaganda.

Next in this now to be ongoing series: Tory Registration Legislation. Unlike Gun Control Legislation, it won't cost a cent.


* I admit, not all of John Gormley's guests are nut jobs. Some of them (as well as some callers) are educated people, with an open mind, who are just trying to get their point heard. I do however assume, that their heads explode after the show as well.

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